You're My Backbone

His hand slowly placed itself upon my hip. It burned and for some odd reason, I loved the sensation of it. I let it stay there, trying my best not to look down at it and make sure this was all real. I took several steady breaths, but I couldn't find myself. My head wouldn't raise; it just remained staring at his chest.

His other hand found the other side of my hip and gradually my hands locked around his neck. I swallowed hard before looking up at the boy. He flashed a comforting smile my way as we cocked back and forth to the slow, steady beat being played.

By now, I was sure he must know how nervous I was. He had to of heard my heart beating like a drum and how uneven my breathing was. My stomach was twisting in different directions and I couldn't get it to stop.

Garrett's mouth moved, but no words came out. I desperately longed to hear what he was about to say, but instead when he didn't open his mouth again, I let it go.

Our face's grew closer and closer, closing the gap that seemed miles apart between us. I bit down on my lip hard as I looked at this boy. Our bodies were now against each other and I couldn't even concentrate on dancing anymore. Were we dancing still? My mind was far from working properly.

"June," His words fell out of mouth and his breath trailed along my collar bone where he had ducked his head into.

He slowly pulled his head away and looked at me with this longing in his eyes that I couldn't explain or describe in any way.

Suddenly, his eyes shut and he was coming towards me closer and closer. My stomach twisted sharply, causing me this uncomfortable feeling. I could not longer find my breath as it quickened into the point where it had completely vanished.

I stared at his lips in fear figuring ''this is it; this is happening". Swallowing hard, I closed my eyes, just as he had done.

I waited and waited for what seemed like forever for his lips to finally meet mine, but they never did. Instead, everything turned into darkness. I could no longer see Garrett. I couldn't feel Garrett, and the idea scared the hell out of me. Now, my fear was returning, but it was a different fear. It was the lonely fear I had suffered once before. The fear that I couldn't control, the fear that returned over and over again.

A vibrating noise against the wooden night stand next to the bed woke me up, breathing in and out heavily.

My eyes flickered open violently and it took me several moments to comprehend what actually happened. God... I thought to myself.

I rolled over on my side to discover John was no longer sleeping or in the guest room. I reached for my phone on the nightstand to discover it was a text message from my mother. I held in the groan of frustration and annoyance as I opened it. She wanted me home by three o'clock to help out around the house. Why? No idea.

It was ten oh-three and I shrugged to myself. I figured most would still be sleeping. I sat up straight in my bed with my legs crossed indian-style. I stretched my arms out and yawned. My thoughts quickly snapped back to my dream.

I had dreamed about Garrett. About dancing with Garrett. About touching Garrett. About kissing Garrett.

Shit.

I gulped and rubbed my eyes in attempt to wake me up more. I bit my lip hard and began to pop my leg up and down.

Why would I dream about that? What the hell is up with my mind?

I shook the thought, trying my best to ignore it, but I knew more than well that it would return later on. I slowly got up from the bed and crept to the door.

A figure on the floor made my eyes go wide. I then remember that Garrett was sleeping in here last night...on the floor.

"June," He mumbled and my eyes darted once again towards him.

I figured he was up. I mean, that would make sense right? He said my name because he saw me? Right?

But no. He rolled back over on his side exposing his eyes shut. He then mumbled once more, "June."

That was enough to make me bolt out of the room. I was breathing heavily and in a panicked way by the time I got to the bathroom. I noticed the light was on underneath and figured someone was inside. I waited outside not-so patiently as the person occupying the restroom finished up.

Finally, the door flew open exposing Darry with a large smile. "Hey! How'd ya sleep?"

I shrugged. "Fine. You know, same old, same old." It hadn't occurred to me how quick I was speaking and how I was slightly flinching anxiously.

Darry furrowed her brow. "June, you alright?"

"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?" I replied just as jumpy as before.

Darry sighed and shook her head. She gripped my arm and pulled me into the bathroom. After putting the lid down, she set me on the toilet. She grabbed a small towel off of the towel rack and ran some cold water on it. As she did so she asked, "Do you have a lot of anxiety? A lot of stress?"

I nodded my head up and down exaggeratedly. "Yes. A lot." My knee was bouncing up and down and I couldn't bring myself to control it.

"Have you ever had an anxiety attack?"

Normally, I would have froze completely. I would have stuttered and manage to lie to the girl. But right now, I just didn't. Just admitting one thing wasn't going to give away my past. And quite frankly, part of me wanted to tell Darry everything and anything about me.

"Yes." I confessed anxiously, my knee still bobbing.

"Shit." She hissed under her breath, observing me intensely as she turned off the facet. She bent down to eye level with me and began patting my face with the wet towel. It had calmed me down slightly, but at the same time I was still a bit jumpy.

"You need to take deep breaths, June. Deep breaths." Darry soothed and calmed me the best she could.

"June! Darry let me the fuck in!" My brother's voice interrupted Darry's soothing from the hallway.

The voice made me jump and my eyes widened.

"What's going on in there?" Another voice asked, I'm guessing Jared.

"My sister's having a fucking anxiety attack and your girlfriend won't let me the fuck in!" John shouted.

I head more steps rumbled down the hallway. Everyone was awake now because of me. Great.

"I can handle this John!" Darry called to John.

"No you can't! I'm the only one who can calm her down. Always have, always will. Now let me in before we need to call an ambulance!"

John's shouting only made me panic more. I gripped on to the edges of the toilet. I felt my breath quickly escaping me. My whole body was shaking now and moving in a frontward motion almost as if I was try to catch my breath.

"You're not helping her John!" Darry yelled, but suddenly the bathroom door flew open, exposing John-clearly pissed off by the way- and Garrett, Pat, and the rest of the guys poking their heads threw the doorway.

Just seeing Garrett's face there made me panic even more.

Darry backed away after discovering the look on John's face. He crouched down to eye level with me and placed both hands on my shoulders. Without looking away he ordered, "Someone get her water, please."

Someone ran off, but I didn't bother looking. I wanted so badly to look over at Garrett, but my eyes could only find my brother.

Staring at him, right here, right now, it made me feel like falling into a million pieces. I wanted to sob and cry so loudly for almost no reason.

"Look at me, June. June bug, please, come on. Just calm down. Everything is okay. You know that."

June bug. He hasn't called me that in ages.

My breathing gradually began to settle,but my grip on the edge of the toilet was still locked. My hands began to cramped up.

"It rained all of May to the month of June." He sung in a hushed tone.

I let out a long, overdue breath and finally, I was able to catch my breath. I swallowed hard and let go of the toilet. I closed my eyes tightly and rocked back in forth. "Oh-h m-my g-god." I stuttered.

"It's okay Juney. You're all better now. It's okay."

I nodded my head as John stood up. He took something from someone he entered the bathroom. He opened and then held out a water bottle for me. I grabbed it and took a long, swig of it. I rubbed my eyes afterwards and stood up. John rubbed my back gently.

John and I stood side by side as our friends gawped at us in astonishment. "Some morning, eh?" John asked, chuckled and patting me on the back.

I managed to fake out a laugh; anything to lighten the mood.

An awkward silence took over and for several moments no one said anything.

Finally, finally Halvo spoke. "Care to explain what that just was?"

I bit down on my lip hard. John decided to speak up for me, but I stopped him. "I have really bad anxiety and ever now and then suffer from panic attacks." I shrugged, trying my best to make it look like it was no big deal.

Kennedy let out a long breath. "Oh, wow. Are you okay June? That looked pretty serious...." He trailed off.

"Yeah," I waved him off, lying. "I've had much worse. That was nothing."

"Oh." He replied, nodding his head.

"Well, what caused you to have the attack?" Pat asked.

My eyes quickly flickered over to Garrett, standing there with a look of concern in his eyes. "Uh," I began but then looked back at Pat.

"I'm actually not really sure."