You're My Backbone

As I sat across from John in History the next Wednesday I couldn't help but notice him sneaking peeks at my homework. I glanced over at his worksheet to all his answers completely blank. I shook my head and was tempted to whisper something to him. Our teacher, Mrs. Crock, would most definitely notice though and I was not one to get in trouble.

I huffed and continue to check off my answers correct or incorrect as we went over the homework.

The bell rung signaling the class was over and luckily, I had study hall. A smile spread itself on my face as the thought of spending a whole forty minutes with Garrett popped into my head.

"Why are you smiling all creepy like that?" John observed and gave me a beyond weird look.

I shrugged. "Nothing."

The two of us walked out of the classroom and said our goodbyes as we parted ways. I decided to head to my locker before heading off to the library. Since it was a free period, I was allowed to be late. Therefore, I took my sweet time. In fact, I even cleaned up my overly disorganized locker a bit.

I strolled to the library content with myself. So far, I had only one thing to do for homework tonight. That means I could finish it up in study hall and by the time I get home later on it the day, I would be free to do nothing. I held back my smile as I passed several students in the hallways. I already was told I had a creepy smile once today, lets not make it twice.

As I turned the corner to the library I noticed two figured in the hallway leaning up against a locker.

Ugh. I thought to myself. Public displays of affection were everywhere in the school. It was quite annoying while you tried to get to class in time and you were stopped by a couple sucking face right in front of you. And quite frankly, as a single girl with no potential and possibility of getting a boyfriend in the near future because of her older brother befriending the whole school, it was the last thing I wanted to see.

As I walked closer to the two teens and the library I got a better look at then. I could now see that the boy was the one pushed up against the locker. The girl's leg were on either side of the boys as she cupped his face, kissing it aggressively.

I rolled my eyes. The people in this school......

My criticizing quickly came to a major halt when realization hit me. I could barely catch my breath. Oh. My. God.

It was Garrett. He was the boy pushed up against the locker with some girl sucking his face off.

I felt like I swallowed a bag of sand. I bit down on my lip hard and anxiously flinched in place. I should go. I knew I should just ignore it and walked into the library, but my feet wouldn't more.

I was more than surprised to feel the stinging at my eyes. I blinked several times in hopes that the pain would disappear, but it was no use for two tears dripped out. I wiped them away quickly and sniffled. There was a large lump in my throat that wouldn't go away no matter how much I tried to swallow it.

I should run; get out of here before he could see me.

Too late.

Garrett's face moved away from the girl, he was smiling slightly-which didn't help me feel any better at all. He breathed out heavy and sucked in a deep breath. His eyes went wide as he smiled more. "Wow." He breathed out.

I rubbed my eyes violently, feeling the ends of the sleeves on my hoodie become wet.

"I told you so." The girl replied and from what I can see, a devilish grin plastered onto her face.

It was at that moment that I discovered this excruciating hate for the girl. I began to judge her because of her dirty blonde hair and the black high-waisted skirt she was wearing. A skirt? Really? It's freezing outside today.

That didn't help me either. I blinked more and more, but the stinging at my eyes continued. I sucked in a deep breath. I finally took a small step, but it was towards them. I furrowed my brow. Why am I putting myself through all this pain? It's not going to get me anywhere. I was now staring down at my feet. My eyes felt as if they were crusted over and I could no longer move those either. I was in a trance, staring at my shoes. God.

"June?" His sudden voice sent these chills down my spine. The way he said my name, it sent me back to when he said it while he was dreaming. Dreaming of me, or at least I hoped so.

Hoped so? Why do I want him to dream of me? Why do I want him to think about me? Or hold me?

Because I'm completely and utterly fucked up in the head. That's why.

My head slowly rose. I gave him a fake smile. "I, uh, um, I have to go." I could barely look him in the eye.

Instead or going into the library, I turned in my tracks and practically ran outside to the parking lot. I ran to John's car and mentally cursed him and thanked him for leaving it unlocked.

John leaving the car unlocked gave me something else to think about. Something else to be mad about.

But Garrett's lips attached to that girl's was still fresh in my memory. A picture planted there forever, reminding me of why I suffer so much. Not quite sure why. I'm still have no clue why I'm so upset. It's not my time of the month or anything. There's no reason for me to be over-emotional.

I swallowed hard and pulled out my phone. I texted John that I was in his car outside and that I wanted to go home. He would understand. And even though there were two periods left of school after this current one, he would be more than happy to get out a little early.

Me? Skipping? Never. But today was different. If my mother somehow finds out I could always use the excuse that I was sick and I felt the need to go home. That should be good enough due to the fact I never lie. That is, until we moved here. I've been lying very often to my mother since we moved here.

I sat in the car, finishing my homework and silently crying. Pathetic.

Since when was I so pathetic?

I could hear the bell sound and relief washed over me. I couldn't help but think about what Garrett was doing right now; or what he did once I left. He probably thinks I like him or something. "Oh god," I groaned to myself. "what the fuck is my problem?" Great, now I'm talking to myself.

When I notice John darting across the parking lot towards me in his car I realized I hadn't thought this plan through very well. He was going to be expecting some kind of answer and there was no way I could tell him about how I got upset due to some chick kissing his friend. He could clearly tell I wasn't sick, so that was no excuse. And, I was well aware that my eyes were puffy and red and overall, I must look like complete shit.

Concern was written all over my brother's face when he entered the car. "What's wrong June?"

I tried to reverse the situation. Put the blame on him so we could avoid this. I knew it was along shot, but it would at least give me several moments to think of some sort of excuse. "Why didn't you lock your car? Are you stupid or just an idiot?" I snapped, rubbing my eyes and sniffling.

This through him off. "I, um, I'm sorry. I should have locked it. You're right. Now tell me what's wrong."

"I want to go home." I mumbled.

John sighed heavily and his hand rubbed my back. "You're not going to tell me, are you?" He guessed.

I nodded my head stiffly, not making any eye contact with him. He sighed once more before sitting properly in the driver's side and buckling his seat belt. He put the car in ignition and the two of us were on our way home.

It surprised me how easy that went. How he let it go so soon.

It had just occurred to me since our family had moved here, John and I have grown closer. He knows me better now and not in a way like "What's your favorite color?" He knows my patterns, my emotions, my ways.

We got home in less than five minutes and lucky for us, Mom was still at work. John unlocked the front door to the house and without thinking twice, I walked up the stairs slowly and gradually. I didn't have the effort and energy. I trudged into my room and shut my door gently. I slowly fell into my bed and curled up in the mess of sheets, pillows, and blankets.

"What the hell happened? Where is she?" I heard a voice say as it made it's way up the stairway.

I was awoken by the footsteps and the voices. I bit down on my lip hard. They better not come in here...

"Look, I don't know. All that happened was she texted me to take her home and she didn't want to talk about it. How do you know about this?"

There was a long pause and then, "I saw her storm off. "

"Where were you when you saw it?"

"I was in the hall with Maggie and I look up and notice she was there. I then walked over to her and she said she had to go."

There was a long exasperated sigh and I realized the two of them must have been right outside of my door. I swallowed hard as I heard someone fumbling with the door knob. My eyes shut tightly when the door opened a crack.

I wanted to know who was with John, but I didn't want to get caught pretending to be asleep.

"Maybe she's sick or something." John spoke up after several awkward moments of observing me.

"I don't know. She looked like she was crying."

Great. I know who's voice that is. He would come over. He had to be this sweet, polite, incredible, cute, awkward, adorable, kind, smart boy he is. He had to make my heart pound violently.

My palms began to sweat. I was tempted to wipe them against the blankets, but I was afraid any movement would tell the guys I was awake.

"Sometimes Gare, I really don't understand her." John commented.

I waited eagerly for Garrett's response and when his voice finally sounded I felt like smiling. "She's really awesome, you know. You're lucky you have a sister you can get along with well. A sister you can share your friends with."

Once again, I held in my smile.

"Yeah. I know. She's the best I could ask for."