You're My Backbone

"Who the fuck gave you a hickey?" John exclaimed, his face beating red. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him. He tilted his head and examined the giant thing on my neck.

I cringed and looked over at Garrett. His eyes were pleading for something, and he kept fidgeting. He saw the look on my face and sucked in a deep breath.

He walked over to me and took hold of my hand. John immediately backed away from me and his eyes shot down to our hands intertwined together.

"What is going on here?" He asked, each word felt like venom spitting from his mouth.

I gulped and lump in my throat and began to speak, but Garrett beat me. "John, June and I are..... together."

John's eyes were wide and his lips parted slightly, but the his red face did not disappear. His eyes flickered back and forth between Garrett and I. Occasionally his eyes would stop on our hands together.

"How long?" He asked, a vein popping through his forehead. I noticed it was the same vein that came out whenever our father got angry. Shit.

"About a month. Maybe a bit more." I mumbled, looking down.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" John shouted and then sprang forward.

Garrett's hand was pulled out of mine and before I knew it, John had him pinned on the ground. "I trusted you! You knew how I felt about her dating one of you guys! She fucking told you the story and you know how fragile she is! You knew Garrett! You knew!"

"John!" I screeched and stomped my foot, running both of my hands threw my hair and pulling it.

My brother ignored me, pushing Garrett into the ground more, yelling complete nonsense at him.

The guys rushed over and began to pull John off of Garrett, who scrambled away and stood up.

"I'm sorry, I really am! But I can't help it that I like her. I liked her before I knew any of that!" Garrett confessed, holding his hands up in defense.

"You're full of bullshit, Garrett." John snapped.

"John!" I yelled, then moved in front of him. "You need to calm down."

"How could you do this to yourself? You're setting yourself up for disaster!"

The worst part of it all was that what John said was true. I was setting myself up for disaster and I wasn't the only one who knew. We all knew. I was moving across the country and the guys were going on tour. I would never see Garrett. Then, from the very beginning I should have known what I was getting into too.

I'm a wreck; I've said it before and I'll say it again. Dating someone that close to me was a mistake. The second Garrett and I split, if that ever happens, I might as crumble into a million pieces. It's not because I'm an emotional needy person either, it's because I have panic attacks, and I'll feel as if I'm losing Garrett, a friend who has grown into something more, but I will always care about.

"I know I am." I muttered quietly. "But weren't you too?"

John rolled his eyes and huffed.

"With Daisy, you knew she was going to move, but you went out a limb and asked her out. And yeah, she said no, but she still liked you and you still liked her. Just the fact that you guys hung out together means you risked it. You risked yourself."

John broke eye contact with me and shook his head. He was still pissed. His eyes shot back over to Garrett. "For some reason, but out of all the guys I wouldn't expect you to do this Gare. You told me that you understood why I felt the way I did about her dating one of the guys. You listened to me talk, you helped me. I trusted you."

I looked over at Garrett, confused. He must have had a conversation with John once without anyone else knowing.

Garrett shrugged. "I can't help it. You know what I'm feeling."

John sighed heavily. It was true. The way he felt about Daisy was the way I felt about Garrett. John knows you can't control this. You can't just tell yourself to stop; if that was the case their would hardly be any people together in this world.

John shook his head. "I'm not going to practice today."

The guys stood their frozen. It took a couple moments for someone to speak up. "John, there are agents coming to the show tomorrow. We need to practice today. All of us."

John ran a hand threw his hair and contemplated going to practice.

"Don't let me or any of this get in the way of the band." Garrett took a step towards John.

"I don't want to talk to you, okay?" John looked away and sighed heavily. "Fine, I'll go."

The guys piled into the van, Garrett walked away from me giving me a defeated look.

There was no way I was going to the practice now. Instead, I hopped into John's pickup and headed into town.

On the way it, I pulled into a parking lot with no cars. I parked and stayed in the car for several moments inhaling and exhaling deep breaths. Slowly, tears crawled down my cheeks from my eyes. I wiped them away and fell back into my seat.

John would have to get used to Garrett and I. I continued telling myself that. He would have to have faith in us.

The only problem with that is that I hardly has any faith of my own in us.