You're My Backbone

I went home.

It was the only place to go to.

I got on some sketchy bus in my fucking prom dress and paid a dollar fifty to get to my own house. Or street rather.

On the way there, I fell into a quiet light sleep. Upon stopping at my 'stop', the bus stopped abruptly, causing my head to slam violently and aggressively against the window. "God dammit." I hissed, rubbing my head.

I rolled my eyes at the bus driver as I got off the bus, carrying my over night bag and high heels. As I walked down the street I began to sob.

Sure at first moving here didn't sound great, but it was much better than our old home. And I finally made friends, I finally got a boyfriend. Everything was great. Everything was suppose to be great. Especially tonight.

But of course it wasn't. Just my fucking luck.

I came here a shy, mentally fucked up, unsocial lame excuse for a girl. But now, I'm not a wreck, I'm just pissed. I'm angry and Garrett was right about something.

I am strong.

I'm as fucking strong as they come.

Here I am, making my way through life dealing with a crazy older brother, an verbally abusive father, two annoying younger brothers, my first shot at a relationship, and a yet another best friend that betrayed me.

And again, before all of that I had to deal with girls who practically ruined my life.

I know I shouldn't be making a big deal about it. There are people in the world who have it thousands times worse than I do, but I believe I'm strong.

And I'm not letting Garrett bring me down.

Also, I'm not going to let John beat the crap out of Garrett.

I snuck into the house quietly and tip toed up the staircase silently. Once I finally reached my room, I changed into comfortable pajamas and curled up in bed, wiping away my tear stained cheeks and realizing who I was. Who I wanted to be.

Sure, the constant stabbing feeling in my heart I got every time I thought of the previous events continued, but I simply ignored it.

Garrett was right to break up with me. I didn't have faith in our relationship and he didn't either. That obviously wasn't going to get us anywhere. Sure, it would have been great if we were able to continue the relationship, but let's be honest with ourselves- we would never see each other.

He leaves. I go to college. He comes home. I'm still at college. He goes on another tour and so on.

Garrett will remain to be someone important in my life. He was able to help me find my real self- to discover who I was. He was my first shot at a relationship and in all honesty- I had a great time. Garrett protected me, he understood me. Someone finally got it.

He broke up with me for a good reason. I guess.

I let myself drift off to sleep, not thinking about him or John or my parents or my future. I thought about who I am and who I've become.

I arrived here in Tempe, Arizona a mess. A complete and utter mess.

I'm leaving Tempe, Arizona a strong, confident mess. And by all means, that sounds a lot better.

***************************

"You scared the shit out of me June! Why are you here? We were looking for you guys back at the hotel." John walked into the kitchen, throwing his hoodie onto the counter and sitting across from me at the table.

I took a spoonful of my cereal before responding. I knew this was not going to go over well. I just had to keep John in tact- that was it.

"Garrett and I broke up."

The phrase hung in the air- lingering for several steady breaths before John registered what I had exactly said. His lips parted forming a small 'o' and eyes widened slightly. He stammered a bit and blinked furiously before his words were finally able to come out.

Despite the trouble, John was only able to say, "What?"

I bit my lip, then released it and sucked in a quick, sharp breath. "Garrett broke up with me."

John studied my face; looking for any sign of a mental breakdown or panic attack. I sat there, eyebrows slightly raised and waiting for him to speak.

He stood up quickly, pushing his chair out to some area of the kitchen- not caring where it went. His feet pounded on the hardwood floor as he marched down the hallway.

I chased after him, nearly slipping on the way. "John!" I called, then found myself nearing him. I crashed onto him dead on, earning a groan from him and my butt flat on the floor.

"Ow," I mumbled, standing up slowly.

"What the hell?" John asked.

"You can't go and beat the shit out of Garrett. Okay? You can't."

John eyes narrowed. "Are you crazy? I told that bastard not to hurt you!"

John went to grab the door handle before I wedge myself between him and the door. "Do I look like I'm hurt John?" I asked, holding up my arms.

He furrowed his brow, unable to speak.

"It was sorta, um," I stammered. "A mutual agreement." I nodded my head, happy with that answer and the complete bullshit that comes out of my mouth.

"A mutual agreement?" John asked, cocking an eyebrow. "Really?"

I nodded my head exaggeratedly. "Yea."

John let out a heavy breath. "Why would you guys want to break up? You were so happy."

Funny how John hated the idea of Garrett and I together. He didn't want us to be together whatsoever. And now, he almost hates the idea of us apart.

I sighed. "I know...... we were." I looked down at my feet.

I shut my eyes tightly- remembering what I wanted out of my life. How I wanted to become. I snapped my head up facing John.

"Garrett and I had no future. We both knew that. He was just the one to initiate the whole thing. But I was thinking about this for months. You guys are going on tour and by the time you get back I'll be long gone. From here, the month of June, I wouldn't be able to see Garrett until November and that would be only for a couple of days. And then, who knows where you guys will be! You may not even come home for Thanksgiving. And I doubt you'll stay long for Christmas."

"We were doing the mature thing. Ending it before it got too serious, you know? I mean we're eighteen; we don't know what a relationship consist of. We don't love each other. We don't even know what love is. I hardly know what I want for myself. I have to go out and do my own thing and Garrett's nice enough to understand that."

"He's a great guy and sure, I'm upset, but no John, I'm not going to have a mental break down."

I looked up at my brother taking in his appearance and realized something. What am I going to do without him? This whole time I was so wrapped up in Garrett, I didn't think about losing my brother.

Suddenly, tears filled my eyes. I bit my lip and swallowed hard. "I just don't know what I'm going to do without you."

He had been there from the very beginning- obviously. He was my twin and maybe we had that telepathy thing Garrett asked about that time we went to the movies. Maybe, even when we're miles apart I will be able to know whether my brother is okay. And he'll be able to comfort me.

John stood up to bullies for me and girls that resembled demons. He got Dad off my back, he helped me with my mother. And sure, there was a time where we were separated- he had his own life and I didn't have a life. But if there's one thing I learned its that my brother needs me as much as I need him. And god, it sounds so sappy but I need him to function. I don't need Garrett, I need John.

"I'm only going to be a phone call away." John wrapped his arms around me and placed his chin on top of my head.

I sniffled and pulled away from the hug, wiping my eyes. "God, I'm so pathetic." I laughed, but through my tears it sounds like a choke.

John shook his head. "No, you're not June."

He sucked in a breath. "You underestimate yourself. You did it when we moved here and you're doing it now. When we got here you thought you were going to live out the rest of your senior year with no friends- but look at you now."

"And right now," John paused, smiling lightly. "you don't know how you'll be able to go on without me, but you have it wrong. You've had it wrong this entire time."

"I'm the one who depends on you June. You're the one who keeps me up, the one who keeps me strong. Without you, I wouldn't be anyone. You're my backbone."

John bit his lip and smiled at me. "You're my sister and I love you."

I couldn't restrain myself- I practically knocked John over with a hug. I wrapped my arms tightly around his body and smiled wide.

I pulled away. "You're the best brother, okay? Don't tell Shane or Ross."

John shrugged. "I know. I'm am just amazing."

"Don't hurt Garrett. He was just doing the right thing.

"I understand," John swallowed and nodded his head. "He's a good guy."

"I know." I smiled, looking down at the floor. I then snapped my head up. "I'll be fine- really. Don't worry about me, okay?"

John shrugged and offered me a weak smile. "I can't promise anything."

I rolled my eyes and John draped an arm around my shoulder. "So, what's next for Miss June O'Callaghan?" He smirked.

I shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe some video games?"

John's eyes lit up. "Really?" He asked.

I nodded my head, a smile creeping itself onto my lip.

"Yes!" John shouted, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the living room where sure enough, we'll play some video games. Even though I'm definitively not the best.

And that's all there was too it. John would leave, I would leave. That was life and I couldn't help it. People meet people. People become close with said people. Then people leave people.

But just because people separate doesn't mean it has to be tragic. Sure, thinking about Garrett made me upset sometimes, but that's life. I had endured much more painful things. And I've overcome those things. This would be a breeze.

I already knew it.