Sequel: My Darling ›
So It's True What They Say...
If You Love Someone You Should Set Them Free.
I always knew. I always knew I’d never be this lucky. I always knew I’d never be this happy, never really deserved to be this happy. I knew it wouldn’t last. I knew I’d just hold him back. But I guess it’s true what they say… if you love someone you should set them free.
[ <3 ………. <3 ]
“Audrey,” he whined.
“What is it, Kieran?” I asked patiently. I was trying to get some work done. I work as a photojournalist for the Courier Journal. If you haven’t figured it out yet, we live in New York. By the way, even though I have a girl’s name I am a boy, granted a gay boy, I’m still a boy. Kieran is my boyfriend and he’s absolutely wonderful. We share an apartment as we have for about four years. We’ve been together for almost three years. Kieran is bisexual. We’ve been best friends for a while. We met in college, his freshman year. He’s transferred to Julliard for music at the beginning of his sophomore year. He plays the violin, its amazing to hear him. I make him play for me all the time. He was so excited when he made it into Julliard. He doesn’t have to pay his own enrollment either because his grandparents are paying it. His family was so proud. He has a music room in our apartment and we soundproofed it and tried to make the acoustics as good as possible. He plays in there all the time and I always crack the door just slightly and sit in the hall and listen to him.
“I’m so hungry,” he complained and I laughed a little bit. Kieran had a few childish tendencies but I loved them. They made up who he was. I saved the paper I was writing on my laptop and closed it. I turned around to see Kieran stretched across the couch we had put in my office. We had a three bedroom apartment. We shared one of the rooms, one was his music room, and the third was my office. Before we started dating we had two beds in our room but once we got together we bought a king size bed that now sits in the center of the room.
“What do you want to eat, love?” I questioned. I got up and sat next to him on the short couch. He immediately shifted his body so that he leaned into my open arms. I kissed his temple and held him tightly. Kieran is about the same height as me and bone skinny. His hair is bleach blonde, almost white and he’s never died it a day in his life. His hair is long-ish and pin straight. His eyes are emerald green. He has sort of angular features, clear, pale skin. He’s beautiful.
“I don’t know…” he said thoughtfully.
“We can go out and get something. There isn’t much to eat here,” I told him. He sat up and whipped around. I could see the excitement in his eyes. We very rarely went out to eat because it was expensive. Kieran always loved it. To be honest I loved taking him out on dates but we didn’t do it very much any more. In fact, we hadn’t been on an actual date in about two months. I hated not being able to take him out, to give him things I knew he wanted but would never ask me for. I tried so hard but he worked only part time and didn’t make a lot of money. I paid the rent and the bills and put gas in our car. Kieran bought most of the groceries. I didn’t mind that I paid for all that stuff. I wanted him to do well in Julliard and I knew he loved it.
“Can we really?” he asked.
“Go get ready, I’m taking you to dinner tonight,” I told him and the smile that spread across his face nearly took my breath away. He pressed his lips against mine for a moment and then ran out of my small office. I heard a door closed and then water running so I assumed he was taking a shower. I got up and went to out room. I looked in the mirror that sat on top of our long dresser and sighed. Kieran and I would never look like we belonged together. He was so perfect and I just wasn’t. I had black hair and glasses. I’m awkwardly skinny, lanky almost. My hair never sits right and my eyes are pale blue… not brilliant like his green orbs. I sighed and pulled a brush through my hair. I tried, and failed, to get it to sit in the right place. I gave up on my hair and went to our closet to get dressed. I pulled out a red and black plaid shirt and my black skinny jeans. I heard the water cut off when I was looking for my shoes. I knew he’d come in here with a towel around his waist just to tease me because that was what he always did. I was right. I stood up with my chucks in my hands and turned around and there he stood.
“I love those jeans on you,” he smiled and then smirked when he saw my eyes rake over his body. “See something you like?” he taunted. I stuck my tongue out at him. “If you’re not gonna use it then keep it in your mouth,” he said as he walked towards me. He kissed my lips once and then turned and walked to the dresser. I sighed and walked out and into the living room. He came out about thirty minutes later. He was dressed in a deep purple button up with the top two buttons open and light skinny jeans. He had purple vans on his feet. His blonde hair was perfect as usual. He a purple bandana tied around his head. Kieran has the bridge of his nose pierced as well as his septum and he has snake bites. All of his piercings were black. He looked gorgeous. I stood up and kissed him softly.
“You’re beautiful,” I told him and he smiled and blushed. We went out to his favorite restaurant and then we walked around the city. When we got home he played his violin for me and when he was done we went to our room. We were awake for hours. Sometimes we would talk, other we would just lay in each others arms, others we let out actions speak to each other. It was a wonderful night.
[ <3 ………. <3 ]
Kieran got a call three days later. He was so excited but he wouldn’t tell me what the call was about. I waited a week. He came home from school and I waited until he put his violin away in his music room. I waited until he came out into the living and sat down next to me. He kissed my cheek and tried to look at me but I looked away. I had a bad feeling about the call but I didn’t know why.
“What’s wrong Audrey?” he asked softly.
“What was that call about?”
“It was nothing, Audrey,” he shrugged but the look in his eyes said otherwise.
“Kieran… what was it about?” I questioned again. He was quiet for a moment and then he sighed.
“It was a call from Julliard… they want me to join a special quartet of violins,” he said quietly.
“That’s wonderful but why wouldn’t you just tell me?”
“Because Audrey… the quartet in is England,” he whispered. I felt like my heart stopped beating. “I haven’t given them an answer yet.”
“Why not?” I asked but I felt sort of detached, like it wasn’t me speaking.
“Because I love you… and I don’t know if I want to leave you.” His voice broke and I felt a tear fall down my cheek.
“You can’t miss that opportunity for me Kieran,” I told him even though it hurt. “You’re amazing and you have a chance to be a part of something wonderful… Don’t waste it for me,” I whispered.
“Audrey, you talk like you’re not worth it but you are. You’re worth everything, Audrey, and I love you so much.”
“I love you too, that’s why I’m telling you to go. I don’t want you to miss out on that for me, I’m not worth it,” I told him.
“But you are,” he insisted.
“Kieran, no… please don’t give up your dream for me, I’d hate myself for holding you back,” I begged. It hurt so much to try to convince him to leave me but I couldn’t let him give this up. He deserves to be someone and this quartet can give him that.
“So you want me to leave?” he asked softly.
“Yes,” I breathed and I felt my heart break in half. He didn’t say anything. He just stood up and walked out of the living room. I heard a door slam. I hung my head in my hands and cried. After about an hour I found a pillow and a blanket and curled up on the couch. I cried myself to sleep.
[ <3 ………. <3 ]
I woke up in the morning to a note on my pillow. It was written in Kieran’s neat script.
I’m staying with a friend. I called Julliard and I leave in two days for England. I hope you’re happy that you got what you wanted. If you wanted me to leave you should’ve said it sooner.
I love you… I wish you felt the same but I guess you don’t. Maybe I’ll see you again some day soon, maybe not. Maybe you’ll see me…
<3 Kieran
The note fell to the floor. I felt lost. I had lost the most important thing in my life. I went to our room and all of his things were still there so I guessed he’d come back and get them while I was at work. I wrote him a note and left it on the dresser. I got ready and left for work. I took one last look at the apartment while it was still ours.
[ <3 ………. <3 ]
Kieran
I walked into the apartment. I knew he wasn’t there but part of me wished he was. I sighed and went toour his bedroom. I got my suitcases out of our closet and filled one with the clothes from the closet and my shoes. I went to the dresser and emptied the drawers of my clothes. I did a once over of the room and that’s when I saw the paper with Audrey’s messy handwriting on it.
I never meant to hurt you Kieran. I do love you, more than anything. I hope your dreams come true, I hope you never have any problems, I hope you find someone who deserves someone as wonderful as you. And even if you don’t I hope you remember that you always have someone who loves you, and I always will love you.
Xoxo
Audrey
I folded his letter gently and put it in my back pocket. There were tear stains on the paper and that hurt. I looked around the apartment one last time before grabbing my bags and going downstairs to the car that was waiting to take me to the airport. I didn’t say a word for the rest of that day… I just stared out the window of the car, the plane, the taxi that was taking me to the small flat that I got to live in for free. When I got there I didn’t even look around or unpack. I just stared out the window at the sheeting rain and thought of the beautiful man I had left behind in New York. For the first time in my life I felt entirely alone. I got out my violin and played the song in my head. It was the saddest thing I had ever heard. I set the violin aside and pulled out his note. I read through it twice and then folded it away again. I found the music that Julliard had given me for the violin quartet and I picked up my violin and started practicing with Audrey in my mind.
[ <3 ………. <3 ]
“Audrey,” he whined.
“What is it, Kieran?” I asked patiently. I was trying to get some work done. I work as a photojournalist for the Courier Journal. If you haven’t figured it out yet, we live in New York. By the way, even though I have a girl’s name I am a boy, granted a gay boy, I’m still a boy. Kieran is my boyfriend and he’s absolutely wonderful. We share an apartment as we have for about four years. We’ve been together for almost three years. Kieran is bisexual. We’ve been best friends for a while. We met in college, his freshman year. He’s transferred to Julliard for music at the beginning of his sophomore year. He plays the violin, its amazing to hear him. I make him play for me all the time. He was so excited when he made it into Julliard. He doesn’t have to pay his own enrollment either because his grandparents are paying it. His family was so proud. He has a music room in our apartment and we soundproofed it and tried to make the acoustics as good as possible. He plays in there all the time and I always crack the door just slightly and sit in the hall and listen to him.
“I’m so hungry,” he complained and I laughed a little bit. Kieran had a few childish tendencies but I loved them. They made up who he was. I saved the paper I was writing on my laptop and closed it. I turned around to see Kieran stretched across the couch we had put in my office. We had a three bedroom apartment. We shared one of the rooms, one was his music room, and the third was my office. Before we started dating we had two beds in our room but once we got together we bought a king size bed that now sits in the center of the room.
“What do you want to eat, love?” I questioned. I got up and sat next to him on the short couch. He immediately shifted his body so that he leaned into my open arms. I kissed his temple and held him tightly. Kieran is about the same height as me and bone skinny. His hair is bleach blonde, almost white and he’s never died it a day in his life. His hair is long-ish and pin straight. His eyes are emerald green. He has sort of angular features, clear, pale skin. He’s beautiful.
“I don’t know…” he said thoughtfully.
“We can go out and get something. There isn’t much to eat here,” I told him. He sat up and whipped around. I could see the excitement in his eyes. We very rarely went out to eat because it was expensive. Kieran always loved it. To be honest I loved taking him out on dates but we didn’t do it very much any more. In fact, we hadn’t been on an actual date in about two months. I hated not being able to take him out, to give him things I knew he wanted but would never ask me for. I tried so hard but he worked only part time and didn’t make a lot of money. I paid the rent and the bills and put gas in our car. Kieran bought most of the groceries. I didn’t mind that I paid for all that stuff. I wanted him to do well in Julliard and I knew he loved it.
“Can we really?” he asked.
“Go get ready, I’m taking you to dinner tonight,” I told him and the smile that spread across his face nearly took my breath away. He pressed his lips against mine for a moment and then ran out of my small office. I heard a door closed and then water running so I assumed he was taking a shower. I got up and went to out room. I looked in the mirror that sat on top of our long dresser and sighed. Kieran and I would never look like we belonged together. He was so perfect and I just wasn’t. I had black hair and glasses. I’m awkwardly skinny, lanky almost. My hair never sits right and my eyes are pale blue… not brilliant like his green orbs. I sighed and pulled a brush through my hair. I tried, and failed, to get it to sit in the right place. I gave up on my hair and went to our closet to get dressed. I pulled out a red and black plaid shirt and my black skinny jeans. I heard the water cut off when I was looking for my shoes. I knew he’d come in here with a towel around his waist just to tease me because that was what he always did. I was right. I stood up with my chucks in my hands and turned around and there he stood.
“I love those jeans on you,” he smiled and then smirked when he saw my eyes rake over his body. “See something you like?” he taunted. I stuck my tongue out at him. “If you’re not gonna use it then keep it in your mouth,” he said as he walked towards me. He kissed my lips once and then turned and walked to the dresser. I sighed and walked out and into the living room. He came out about thirty minutes later. He was dressed in a deep purple button up with the top two buttons open and light skinny jeans. He had purple vans on his feet. His blonde hair was perfect as usual. He a purple bandana tied around his head. Kieran has the bridge of his nose pierced as well as his septum and he has snake bites. All of his piercings were black. He looked gorgeous. I stood up and kissed him softly.
“You’re beautiful,” I told him and he smiled and blushed. We went out to his favorite restaurant and then we walked around the city. When we got home he played his violin for me and when he was done we went to our room. We were awake for hours. Sometimes we would talk, other we would just lay in each others arms, others we let out actions speak to each other. It was a wonderful night.
[ <3 ………. <3 ]
Kieran got a call three days later. He was so excited but he wouldn’t tell me what the call was about. I waited a week. He came home from school and I waited until he put his violin away in his music room. I waited until he came out into the living and sat down next to me. He kissed my cheek and tried to look at me but I looked away. I had a bad feeling about the call but I didn’t know why.
“What’s wrong Audrey?” he asked softly.
“What was that call about?”
“It was nothing, Audrey,” he shrugged but the look in his eyes said otherwise.
“Kieran… what was it about?” I questioned again. He was quiet for a moment and then he sighed.
“It was a call from Julliard… they want me to join a special quartet of violins,” he said quietly.
“That’s wonderful but why wouldn’t you just tell me?”
“Because Audrey… the quartet in is England,” he whispered. I felt like my heart stopped beating. “I haven’t given them an answer yet.”
“Why not?” I asked but I felt sort of detached, like it wasn’t me speaking.
“Because I love you… and I don’t know if I want to leave you.” His voice broke and I felt a tear fall down my cheek.
“You can’t miss that opportunity for me Kieran,” I told him even though it hurt. “You’re amazing and you have a chance to be a part of something wonderful… Don’t waste it for me,” I whispered.
“Audrey, you talk like you’re not worth it but you are. You’re worth everything, Audrey, and I love you so much.”
“I love you too, that’s why I’m telling you to go. I don’t want you to miss out on that for me, I’m not worth it,” I told him.
“But you are,” he insisted.
“Kieran, no… please don’t give up your dream for me, I’d hate myself for holding you back,” I begged. It hurt so much to try to convince him to leave me but I couldn’t let him give this up. He deserves to be someone and this quartet can give him that.
“So you want me to leave?” he asked softly.
“Yes,” I breathed and I felt my heart break in half. He didn’t say anything. He just stood up and walked out of the living room. I heard a door slam. I hung my head in my hands and cried. After about an hour I found a pillow and a blanket and curled up on the couch. I cried myself to sleep.
[ <3 ………. <3 ]
I woke up in the morning to a note on my pillow. It was written in Kieran’s neat script.
I’m staying with a friend. I called Julliard and I leave in two days for England. I hope you’re happy that you got what you wanted. If you wanted me to leave you should’ve said it sooner.
I love you… I wish you felt the same but I guess you don’t. Maybe I’ll see you again some day soon, maybe not. Maybe you’ll see me…
<3 Kieran
The note fell to the floor. I felt lost. I had lost the most important thing in my life. I went to our room and all of his things were still there so I guessed he’d come back and get them while I was at work. I wrote him a note and left it on the dresser. I got ready and left for work. I took one last look at the apartment while it was still ours.
[ <3 ………. <3 ]
Kieran
I walked into the apartment. I knew he wasn’t there but part of me wished he was. I sighed and went toour his bedroom. I got my suitcases out of our closet and filled one with the clothes from the closet and my shoes. I went to the dresser and emptied the drawers of my clothes. I did a once over of the room and that’s when I saw the paper with Audrey’s messy handwriting on it.
I never meant to hurt you Kieran. I do love you, more than anything. I hope your dreams come true, I hope you never have any problems, I hope you find someone who deserves someone as wonderful as you. And even if you don’t I hope you remember that you always have someone who loves you, and I always will love you.
Xoxo
Audrey
I folded his letter gently and put it in my back pocket. There were tear stains on the paper and that hurt. I looked around the apartment one last time before grabbing my bags and going downstairs to the car that was waiting to take me to the airport. I didn’t say a word for the rest of that day… I just stared out the window of the car, the plane, the taxi that was taking me to the small flat that I got to live in for free. When I got there I didn’t even look around or unpack. I just stared out the window at the sheeting rain and thought of the beautiful man I had left behind in New York. For the first time in my life I felt entirely alone. I got out my violin and played the song in my head. It was the saddest thing I had ever heard. I set the violin aside and pulled out his note. I read through it twice and then folded it away again. I found the music that Julliard had given me for the violin quartet and I picked up my violin and started practicing with Audrey in my mind.