When Love and Death Embrace

You slowly walked in and laid down on the bed, only to find a note. You looked at it cautiously. You knew something like that had to be bad. You opened the note and slowly read it.
Ry,
I know you just got home from the hospital; Cause that's when you would be able to read this. I also know that you're probably thinking I left you, when I promised I wouldn't. well I had to go on tour; but I don't want you to think I'm gone forever. I didn't want to leave you; but bam and the guys forced me to. I hope you understand. I don't want to lose our friendship. When you get a chance, call me and tell me you're alright. I'm sorry I'm making this so short; but I have to see what bam is doing. Apparently he's building his own rehab center for you; have fun with that. Take good care of our baby. I miss you and I love you with every breath I take. Just don't tell bam that. It'll be our little secret; must dash.
Love always,
Ville
You re-read it over and over again; making sure what he said was real. You wanted to believe him; but somehow you couldn't. You wanted everything back to normal again. You didn't want to be on lockdown, you didn't want to be pregnant and all you wanted was ville. You cried and threw the box you had been carrying around at the window. It hit the window and shattered it. You ran over to your dresser and took the things off the top. You threw it all at your windows and mirrors; you couldn't stop. You were so angry at life. You had finally ran over to your desk and took out some paper and a pen. You had only one chance to do this.
Ville,
I love you with all my heart too; but I can't take care of our baby anymore. I can't even take care of myself anymore. I'm so sorry. I hope that when you find this, I'll be long gone. I do love you with everything I have; but this pregnancy is poisoning my mind. I can't take it anymore. I hope you understand and don't get mad at me; it's overmy sanity, my will and my life. I'll always be with you in life and death. I won't tell bam; our secret is safe with me. Au revoir for now.
Love forever,
Ry
You folded up the letter and held it close to your heart. You took a piece of glass from the window you broke and held it above your stomach. Tears were streaming down your face non stop. "I'm sorry little one; but you don't want me as a mother. I would just end up hurting you in the end." You held the glass high and braced yourself for what was to come. But before you could stab yourself, Katie walked in and saw what you were doing.

"ry! No!" she ran over to you and fought to get the glass out of your hand. "Ryanne you can't do this! This isn't what you want." She yelled as she fought you.
"how the hell do you know what I really want?"

"you've finally lost it! Bam! Novak help!" you backhanded Katie and she fell to the ground. Bam and novak quickly came running into your room. Novak ran over to Katie on the floor while bam ran towards you. You ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Bam pounded and yelled for you to come out. You backed into the shower crying. Half of you wanted to do this with all it's might; but the other half wanted to see ville one last time before you did it. You dropped the glass then dropped to your knees. Bam must have gotten hold of your master key, because the next thing you knew he had busted through the door. He ran over to you and held you tightly. You looked up at him with tears flowing out of your eyes like a faucet.

"I couldn't do it! I wanted to do it so badly; but I couldn't! bam I love him. I know I shouldn't; but I do. I'm so sorry."

"I know ry, I know. It's alright. I know you love ville. I knew it was gonna happen. I'm glad you didn't do it. If you would have died, I wouldn't be able to live without you. Shhhit's alright. Don't cry. Come on. You can stay in my room until I clean yours up. Sound good?" you nodded your head and bam picked you up bridal style. He then carried you over to his room. He laid you on the bed and sat next to you. "ry? What were you thinking?"

"nothing. I wasn't thinking. I want to see ville. I need to see him." Bam looked down and shook his head. You put your hand under his chin and lifted his face to look at you. "bam. I need to see him. I don't care if he's on tour. I need to see him. If he doesn't come here, I'll go to him. Please. This will make me so happy. Please." Bam looked into your eyes and saw a very pale green. As he looked deeper her saw that bright emerald sparkly green shining through. He smiled and nodded his head. "really? Oh bam! I love you!" you lunged and hugged him.

"I know. I love you too. I'll have to call ville. He might not be able to see you. So don't get your hopes up." You nodded happily. "now I'm gonna get dunn to watch you while I call him and clean up your room, alright?" again you nodded happily. "you really do love him don't you?"

"more than anything bam. I don't know when I realized it, but I did. You mad?" he shook his head no.

"I'm a little disappointed that you didn't listen to me. But other than thatI'm so freaking happy for you. You seem happy. Well, right now at least."

"yeah thanks bam. I love you!" you hugged him again.

"alright; I love you too. Now stay here for a second. I'll go get dunn." He got off the bed to get dunn. You looked in your hand to see the note you had written to ville. You folded it up and put it in your pocket. Bam and dunn walked in not shortly after. "alright dunn, I need you to watch ry here while I do a couple of things for her. Got it?" dunn saluted and walked over to you. He sat on the bed next to you and smiled. "good. Now are you gonna be good for Ryan while I go do your dirty work?" you shook your head no with a smile on your face. "good girl. alright; I'll be back." With that he closed the door and left to clean your room. You sat on the bed staring at your hands for a few minutes. Ryan looked at you and you looked back.

"you wanna watch a movie?" you nodded. Ryan got up and went over to the DVD player. "Whatta ya wanna watch?"

"what's in there right now?" dunn opened it and smiled. He put the movie back in and got onto the bed with you. "what's in there?"

"porn." Your eyes widened. You sat up and slapped his arm. "ow! I was just kidding. It's haggard." You smiled and got comfy in bam's bed. After a half an hour of watching the movie, you dozed off. You had forgotten everything you had said or done since you left the hospital. You were awoken by bam shaking you gently.

"Ryanne; wake up. Come on wake up." Your eyes opened slowly and looked at him.

"what? Uhhwhy am I in your room?"

"cause I had to clean up yours." You sat up and looked around.

"what did you do to my room?!" he looked at you with a confused look.

"what do you mean what did I do? You did it. I had to clean up all the glass and mirrors you broke when you freaked." You couldn't believe what you were hearing. "you also confessed your love from villefrom this." He handed you the note ville left you. You took it from his hand and read it in disbelief. You couldn't believe any of this. "You honestly don't remember any of this? Were you tripping on acid or something?"

"the last thing I remember was that the nurse gave me this medicine to help me stay awake and not slip back into the coma. Then walking out to see dico and rake with a big van. That was the last thing I remember. What else did I say?" bam had a worried look on his face. "bam? What did I say?"

"well, first answer me a question. Do you love ville." You weren't really sure. You wanted to be in love with him, but you couldn't forget all the things that were wrong in your life. You didn't think you were ready for heartbreak.

"I don't know. I mean from what he says in this letter he loves me. But I just don't want to get hurt again. Plus, you told me not to fall in love with him."

"well if that medicine they gave you was a truth medicine, then you are head over heels in love with the man." You smiled and nodded. "did you have fun watching haggard?"

"oh please. I was there when you filmed it. Not like I haven't seen it all before." He laughed and nodded his head. "well Ville's playing a concert in Philly tonight. You wanna go see him?" you thought about it for a minute. You were really mad that he left you. You were honestly in love with the man. You nodded your head. He jumped up on the bed like a little kid. You pushed his leg and fell off the bed. He hit the floor pretty hard. You looked over to the side of the bed and saw him laughing. "you alright?"

"I think so. My ass kinda hurts; but that's nothing new."

"yeah; from fucking dunn so much. Can I go in my room now?" you said as you got off the bed.

"can you help me off the floor first?" he asked with his hand reaching up to you for help.

"pregnant women shouldn't lift heavy things." You said as you walked over him to get to your room. You saw that all your mirrors were broken and so was your window. "he wasn't lying. I really did all this. Good thing I don't remember any of it."

"too bad I do." Katie commented as she walked into the room.