This Will Always Be Your Home

Catherine and I had persuaded Alex to stay over; might as well start as we meant to go on. Catherine pumped up the airbed that had been on so many camping trips and been to more than its fair share of music festivals, but when Alex tried to get settled on it, it burst (very loudly) and the air quickly fizzled out of it. So, instead of sleeping on the sofa, we all decided to share Catherine’s king size bed. Catherine never did do “small”. It wasn’t a word that had ever been in her vocabulary.

I awoke first in the morning, desperately trying not to rouse my best friend and my soon-to-be best friend. I stumbled downstairs and delicately made my way into the kitchen. First on my agenda was a nice, fresh, steaming cup of coffee. I sat at the Island in the kitchen, switched the radio on for the morning news and waited for the percolator to sputter into glorious, coffee-making life. I didn’t listen to the news for long; far too boring. I tuned the channel until music seeped from the speakers and poured my hot coffee. I was thinking of starting breakfast but decided to wait until Catherine and Alex were up and about.

As I sat in my morning daze I felt someone squeeze my shoulder. I span round to find Alex smiling tiredly at me.

“Morning,” Alex yawned. So someone else could look as dishevelled as me then.

“Good morning,” I said back, “sleep well?”

“Well, apart from you talking in your sleep about ice cream and Catherine snoring her head off, yes, I did thanks.” Alex replied.

“Sorry about that Alex,” I apologised, “The only time we ever even so much as sleep in the same space is when we go camping.”

“Oh, well,” Alex said, “at least I went to sleep giggling!”

Alex pulled a stool up next to mine whilst I poured her a cup of coffee. I explained that I wouldn’t make a start on breakfast until Catherine got up but after 2 hours of waiting, Alex and I were starting to wish we’d eaten earlier.

“I’m just going to check on Catherine,” I said to Alex, worry clearly tainting my voice, “she doesn’t normally sleep in this late especially when the smell of freshly brewed coffee fills the house.”

I took the stairs two at a time and bounded into Catherine’s bedroom with puppy-like energy. I jumped on top of her. She winced. She groaned. She awoke. She looked, in all honesty, terrible.

“Catherine, what’s wrong?” I asked, concerned.

“Well, duh! You’ve just nearly crushed me to death, that’s what!” she replied.

“No,” I said, “it’s something more than that. You’re feeling poorly aren’t you?” She didn’t reply immediately, just rolled her eyes.

“A little, yes,” Catherine sighed, “but you know that I’m going to have my bad days. You know I’m going to get poorly.”

Yes, I knew that but it still didn’t make it any easier for me to see or think about for that matter.

“Well, let me bring you breakfast and some yummy coffee in bed eh?” I ordered.
“Oh, go on then,” she replied, “that sounds wonderful.” She forced a smile.

I finally managed to make breakfast for us all – bagels with cream cheese and smoked salmon, yummy! Alex tucked in straight away. I put mine to one side on the Island along with yet another fresh cup of coffee and put all Catherine’s on a tray and proceeded to her room. As I walked into her room, I found her fast asleep. I had to check that she was breathing. She was, thank God. I quietly placed the tray next to her on her bedside table. I retreated back to the kitchen where I found Alex already cleaning and tidying her crockery away. I plonked myself on my stool and pushed away my unfinished bagel but kept my cup of coffee firmly in front of me. I stared at the tendrils of steam floating up to the ceiling, my eyes becoming sore on account of my unblinking gaze. Alex walked up to me, sensing my preoccupied look.

“Alicia, you ok honey?” she asked.

“What?” I replied dreamily, “Oh, um, yes, I’m ok. Why do you ask?”

“Well apart from the fact you haven’t closed your eyes for about 5 minutes or finished your food, you just seem, well, not all there.”

“Do I?” I said, “I’m sorry Alex. My mind’s just racing that’s all.”

Alex pulled her stool back to sit next to mine. Her arms snaked around my shoulders and she gave me a warm hug.

“It’s finally hit us hasn’t it?” she asked, realisation flooding her voice.

“Yes, I think you’re right,” I replied, “and I know we’ve got to deal with this and I know we’ve got to try and act normally and all that,” a lump formed in my throat, “but, oh Jesus, I can’t! I can’t do it! I’ve been with Catherine since we were 7. I may as well have been surgically attached to her. You know what?” I was on the verge of tears, “It’s like she’s become my Mom. I want to be strong. I want to show her that I’m strong but I really don’t think I can. I’m lost without her.” The tears flooded from my bloodshot eyes. I looked up to find Alex sobbing too.

“That’s how it’s going to feel Alicia.” Said Alex, “We wouldn’t be human if we weren’t upset by this but we do have to try and be strong though, for Catherine’s sake. We can do our crying together. I know it’s hard for both of us and it’s certainly not going to get any easier, but just keep in mind that whatever we’re feeling is nothing compared to what Catherine must be feeling like.” I nodded in agreement.

Alex stroked my hair and held me tight. We held eachother for what felt like hours but then a voice broke the silence.

“Look at the state of you two? Anyone would think I’d gone already!”