Don't Walk Away

My eyes fluttered open and looked up at the unfamiliar ceiling. What am I doing here? My heart started thudding violently when I looked under the covers at myself and realized that I was completely naked. Oh God! This can’t be happening; please say we didn’t. I’m fifteen I never wanted to lose it at fifteen! I'm a good girl; I don’t drink or do drugs or even have a boyfriend! But I guess after last night all of those things might’ve changed.

I can’t believe I let this happen.

My best friends, Wes and Mel, and I were invited to a party that was being thrown for the most popular boy in school’s sixteenth. None of us had any idea how we managed to get invited. We never speak to him usually and there wasn't much chance that we’d fit in with all of the other people who were going to be there.

Going to a party like that was a really big deal for us; we couldn’t say no. I’d never turn them down after seeing how excited Wes and Mel were about going, even though I, personally, didn’t want to be there at all.

Slowly and quietly the door latched open and the man who I most likely slept with and gave my virginity to popped his head around the door. Looking at him made me want to cry as more memories from last night came flooding back. Why did it have to be him? Why did I sleep with Brian Haner?

His eyes met mine and he stepped further into the room upon realizing that I was awake. Does all of this mean that we’re together now? Was I just another one night stand for him? I really wish I knew what it is I'm supposed to be.

“Morning,” he sighed, sitting down on the bed so that he was next to me, wearing nothing but his boxers.

Doing my best to avoid glancing down at him, I looked at his face instead. His wispy black hair looked as amazing as ever, even at this time in the morning. As he spoke, I noticed his lips move in a seductive manner, but still sending me mixed messages. Quickly I became hypnotized by his chocolate brown eyes. I hate that I actually like him so much. I barely know him but I’ve always had a bit of a crush on him, and now I'm here, in his bed...

Around school when I’ve seen him, I sometimes got images in my head like this. Him being with me. Both of us pretty much dressed as little as we are now. Sick, I know, but I can’t help it. I sometimes even dream about him. But this is reality now, and I don’t think I can cope with the fact that a half naked Brian Haner is sat next to me on his bed.

“How you feeling?” he asked me nervously.

The look he gave me then made me feel like a piece of meat that he was desperate to eat. He was making me feel immensely uncomfortable. Does he seriously need to act like this? Awkwardly I pulled the covers up so that they could cover my body even more, and I took hold of the top of the duvet tightly, just in case it happened to fall down. I know that after last night he’s probably already seen everything, but I might as well try and keep some of my dignity (as much as I have left anyway).

Without taking much notice to what I was doing, I found myself gazing at his lightly tanned face that was framed with wispy, black hair, layered with mischievous, chunky dark spiked locks that flowed downwards. His mouth had a slight pout to it and his lips looked soft and gentle, for some strange reason I felt like I needed to touch them. Resisting that urge I decided to speak instead; I’ve kept him waiting for a response long enough.

“W-what happened?” I asked, sounding ridiculously nervous as I ignored his initial question. Right now if I'm alright or not doesn’t really matter. I need to be sure of what we did last night.

He stared down to his feet before answering me with a devilish smile plastered across his face.

“Don't worry,” he whispered. “We don’t need to tell anyone, unless you want to...”

“I know that. I mean, well, I know you wouldn't go around telling people if I didn’t want you to,” I sighed. In all honesty I’m not sure if I believe those words, but I'm hoping they’re true. “But, Brian, what did we do?” I sounded a lot more confident this time; maybe he’ll give me the answer I'm looking for instead of stating what I was hoping the obvious was.

“If you want to know if we had sex or not,” he mumbled, “we did. I was wasted and, erm, I'm sorry,” he said sounding slightly ashamed.

He’s sorry! What does that mean? He wouldn't be apologizing if he had nothing to be guilty over. Does that mean he took advantage of me?

I shook my head at him, not needed his sorry’s.

“It was probably my fault too,” I muttered, secretly not thinking that it could’ve been me. I mean, I wouldn't sleep with some guy for the sake of doing it. I'm not like that!

Why did it have to happen like this?

I always hoped that when I lost it, it would be special and with the perfect person who I’d be able to love for the rest of my life. I never thought it would happen like this. A stupid drunken mistake!