Don't Walk Away

Brian's Point Of View

“It’s yours,” she told me.

As soon as those words left her lips I felt as if I was going to throw up. Not only is she pregnant but it’s mine. She’s having my bloody baby! What am I supposed to do now? I have a life already; I don’t need to take care of someone else’s too. It’s too much to even consider doing.

“I’ve, er, got to go,” I whispered before walking off and trying my best to get as far away from her as possible. If I'm not here then she can’t try and force me into doing this. I’m not a dad and if I can help it I never will be. Kids have never been something I’ve seen in my future, well, not my near future at least.

I could hear her shouting after me but there was no way I was going to stop now; I was embarrassed enough as it is. I mean I’ve got a girl I barely know pregnant. The night we slept together was the first time we ever spoke! Never mind all of that though, why didn’t she just take the bloody pill? Couldn’t she just get an abortion and be done with it? We’d both be better off without a kid and she damn well knows that.

“Brian!” she yelled, sounding like she was on the bridge of tears.

Maybe I should look at this from her perspective; she’s the one carrying it. If she has this baby she’ll have to deal with it for the rest of her life. Surely she knows that though; so why would she want to keep it? It’s only going to bring her trouble, and if it gets out that I'm the dad I’ll end up getting a ton of grief too. Oh God, what if she tells her parents I'm the dad? They’ll kill me!

Okay, just calm down. This has got to be harder on her than it is on me, right? I bet she’s petrified and, well, this kind of is my fault. I didn’t know her and I ended up sleeping with her. I didn’t force her to or anything like that but if I wasn't having that stupid party it never would’ve happened. Wait, who invited her anyway? It was meant to be close friends only.

I turned and looked behind me, staring to worry about if she was going to be alright. When I saw glanced back down at the street though, she wasn't there anymore. Maybe she’s gone another way, turned around, or even just headed back home? I know I’d take that option if I could do.

Does she want to keep the baby? I suppose, even though I think it would be kind of stupid to have it, I could understand why she’d want to. If I was in her shoes and my choices were to either get rid of a life or give up part of my own to bring up another, I could be tempted to make the same decision as her.

Imagine being a dad though; me! How would I ever cope? I'm not exactly what you’d call father material but I can’t blame it on Cassie that I'm the one who had to be the father can I? It’s not her fault and I shouldn't take it out onher our baby.

What would it be like to see it taking their first steps? Uttering their first words? She’s going to be able to watch our creation grow up and become an adult, but I don’t know if I’d be able to that with her. After walking away just now she must hate me and I’d be a rubbish dad anyway. Being a father would completely ruin me.

***

When I finally got to the school I felt miserable. I’d been thinking about the whole being a dad thing for way too long now and I just don’t know what I'm meant to do. I don’t want to be a dad but I'm pretty sure that Cassie doesn’t really want to be a mum either; she’s just doing it on morals.

I feel like I should be doing something different but I can’t look after a baby, so what’s the point?

“Bri Bri!” I heard my girlfriend Michelle say as she came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I turned and planted a quick kiss on her forehead before pulling her into a hug.

Neither of us spoke but I knew she could tell something was up. I'm never quiet; the silence is giving it all away. What am I going to do when she finds out though? Well, if I actually tell her. Would she finish with me? We haven’t been dating for that long really, but we’ve always been good friends and I wouldn't want to hurt her.

“Something’s wrong, isn't it?” she whispered, tilting her head up to look at me.

We were standing in the middle of the corridor at school, which was far from the best place to have a private talk, especially if I'm going to tell her about business that may not exactly be mine to tell. I know I am the dad but Cassie wouldn't want me telling people. That’s for sure.

“Can we talk?” I asked her quietly.

She smiled up at me and then nodded. I then took her hand in mine and took her to an area of the school that tends to be empty. It’s just behind the drama rooms and not many people know about it really. That’s why I like it. It’s a nice change from the busy corridors and the noisy playground.

“So what’s happened?” she asked, obviously not expecting me to break her heart. The main problem is that when Cassie and I slept together, I was already with Michelle.

“I'm, er, I'm g-going to be a d-dad,” I said nervously. I knew I shouldn’t be this worked up about telling her this. I’ve never loved her but she still doesn’t deserve this.

“W-what?” she asked, her eyes wide and mouth dropped open. I could tell she didn’t see this one coming.

“I-I cheated,” I told her, feeling really horrible as I did.

Why didn’t I just hide all of this from her? She’d never find out!

She slapped me as tears fell down her face.

“How could you?!” She yelled at me, forming fist shapes with her hands before ramming them into my chest over and over again.

“I'm so sorry,” I told her, not stopping her from trying to hurt me. If she didn’t want to take it out on me I’d feel even worse about doing this.

“Who is she?” she cried.

“No Michelle, it doesn’t matter who it is.”

“YES IT DOES!” She screeched at me, piercing my ears with her tone.

“Cassie,” I whispered. “She’s in our year.”

She nodded her head at me and then looked down at the floor.

“You’ll pay for doing this,” she sighed. “And so will that slag,” she hissed.

“It wasn't her fault babes, I swear.”

“Don't give me that!”

I gave into her and moved out of the way, realizing that she didn’t want to be anywhere near me anymore. Can’t say I blame her though. The thing is I'm really going to miss being with her; it’s not like we can be friends after this, is it? No matter how much I want to make it up to her, I can’t.

So now I have no girlfriend and...Well, I possibly have a son. I'm scared but...oh I don’t know.

I just can’t do this.