Between a Little Piece of Heaven and the Danger Line

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t tell me that he didn’t blame himself. I sighed and shook my head as Zacky hung his head, looking defeated. Matt returned from his shower and I could tell he’d been crying again. None of us said much as we had breakfast. There wasn’t much to say, but that was fine with me. I was just enjoying being back with my best friends, my brothers, again. I truly loved their company. I guess I really did miss them; it was just hard to notice when alcohol was constantly in my system.

The rest of the day was spent just sitting in the lounge in each other’s company, occasionally making talk about Jimmy or other small things, like the weather. But we mainly just stayed quiet. Then we visited the cemetery together. We cried together. But we were all there for each other. This visit to Jimmy’s grave was the most bearable one I’ve ever made. I knew it was to do with having my best friends by my side, for once.

After that, we headed back to our own places for the night, except Zacky came with me. We passed his house so he could pick up a few things, and then we got to my place. The drive was quiet and solemn because we’d just visited Jimmy’s grave site. Despite that, I couldn’t help but steal looks at Zack’s gorgeous facial features whenever I pretended to check for cars. He was so handsome and he had no idea how I felt... I didn’t want him to pass away and not know what I felt like. I had to tell him... Jimmy moved on knowing how much I loved him, but Zacky currently wouldn’t. I felt a sense of déjà vu, but I ignored it. I swear I have never thought that before...

“Spare bed should be already made for you,” I commented as we walked inside. I headed to the kitchen while Zacky headed to that room in my house. I pulled out 2 bottles of beer and then followed Zacky. I met him in the hallway and passed him his beer.

“So, you wanted to talk to me about something?” he asked before taking a sip. Damn he made that look so sexy...

“Uh, yeah...” I said, blinking a bit to try to get those thoughts out of my head. “First, I wanted to know what happened last night... Since I was naked when I woke up...” I looked shyly up into Zacky’s brilliant green eyes and I saw the amusement in them as I blushed slightly.

“You were sitting in the rain and were completely soaked. I only undressed you so you didn’t get really cold and end up really sick,” he said with a laugh, trying to make it not sound awkward.

“Did you, uh, look...?” I attempted to ask, my face turning a brighter red, which only making him smile more.

“Dude, we’ve seen each other before. It wasn’t a big deal,” he said, trying to casually shrug it off. He did have a point though. We’d been to the toilet together and had some embarrassing accidental sneak peeks multiple times in the past, so there was no reason to be freaked out about it. I guess it was just an issue for me because I liked him as more than a friend. But he didn’t know...

“And... There’s something else I have to tell you...” I started to say, trying to rearrange my thoughts so I could admit to him I was gay. It was such a touchy topic, especially amongst a group of close guys. I didn’t really know how to break the news to him. But I had to do it. I took in a slow deep breath and looked Zacky in his eyes. “I love you...”

“I know, man. I love you too,” Zacky said casually back, interrupting me. “You’re a brother to me, you know that.”

“No... I don’t mean it like that...” I said. I still couldn’t find the right words... “I mean...”

“You mean you’re gay, don’t you?” Zacky suddenly said out of the blue. I opened my mouth to say something, but just nodded instead.

“How’d you know?” I questioned after a few moments of awkward silence.

“The way you told me you loved me last night,” Zack admitted and I looked away to the ground.

“A drunk mind speaks an honest heart,” I murmured. Zacky swallowed some more of his beer before turning and walking back into the spare room. He came out with his small bag over his back and he walked straight past me, heading to the front door. I frowned. “Where are you going?”

“I need some time to think, Bri... I’m confused... I don’t want to blame my feelings on trying to latch onto someone now that Jimmy’s not here,” Zacky explained, his hand on the door knob. “I’m sorry, man. I’ll talk to you later.” And with that he left.