Lost It All

”If you truly want to live, then I ask of you one thing; Brian,” the rather large man stated, sneering Brian’s name as it rolled off of his tongue. Brian choked on the cloth that was shoved in his mouth, almost down his throat. He was kidnapped hours ago while walking down a dark alleyway. Although it seems rather odd for a grown man to be kidnapped, he was, and by a man plenty times stronger then he was. Brian’s hands were bound together behind a chair by a rough rope; one he couldn’t get himself out of. His ankles were tied together rather tight, so running wasn’t an option. Not that he’d know where to run to anyways, for he couldn’t even see, a black blindfold covering his deep brown eyes. Brian coughed once more in a feeble attempt to rid himself of the slight gag-like feeling that was occurring in his throat, but he failed miserably. Looking up in the direction of the man’s voice, Brian hoped that the stranger would soon go on so he knew just what he had to do to save his twenty-eight year old self. “I want you, Brian, to kill James Owen Sullivan.”

Brian paced around his living room, quite impatiently awaiting his four friends arrival. He continued to walk back an forth, thinking about so many times the five of them had shared. From the time back in eighth grade when he first met Jimmy, to some more recent events, like last week when Jimmy pushed him into his pool; clothes and all. Brian didn’t even realize the tears streaming down his face, knowing what he had to do tonight. Not only did he have to do this to save himself, but everyone he loved as well. He would gladly die if it meant Jimmy got to live, but he knew that that wasn’t going to happen. The masked man had said specifically that if he didn’t get rid of Jimmy, he would make sure to exterminate not only Brian, but the remaining members of Avenged Sevenfold - Jimmy included - , along with the five best friends wives, fiancés, and girlfriends.

Although Brian knew exactly what he had to do, not a fiber in his body wanted to commit such a horrid act on his own friend; nearly brother. The sudden noise of a doorbell ringing stopped Brian from pacing mid-trench. The black-haired man looked towards the door, knowing all four of the other men were standing behind it. They had all been at the recording studio earlier in the day, carpooling to his house after wards. Brian said that he had been vomiting all morning, blaming it on a hangover. That wasn’t so hard to believe, seeing the A7X crew had gone out on a partying binge the night before. The album was almost complete, aside from a few vocal tracks that Matt had wanted everyone to sing on; Brian wasn’t going to be one of them. Even though he said he was vomiting because of a terrible hangover, he wasn’t necessarily lying. He was in fact hanging onto a toilet for dear life this morning, but for a completely different reason.

The doorbell rang again, signifying that the people behind it had little patience and wanted to get it, or at least, that’s how Brian saw it. Brian walked over to the neatly carved, wooden door and turned it’s brass handle. The door swung open from being lent upon, and Johnny came stumbling through the doorway and onto the hard wooden floor. Brian let out a small, forced chuckle as the midget of the bunch rubbed his head back and forth. Johnny mumbled a collection of words before making his way to the kitchen, assumingly to grab a beer. Next came Jimmy and Zacky, both fighting with each other to get through the door first. Brian moved out of the way just in case one of them came flying into his own body, which would only cause pain for two people; unnecessary pain, that is.

Jimmy had made it through the doorway first, his slender frame sliding easily in between Zacky and the wood. The five of them were now outside, enjoying the sweet California air that hung over their heads. It wasn’t as nice as it usually was to Brian, but instead, it felt as if it was suffocating him internally. He quietly gasped for breath, not wanting to attract any unneeded attention to himself. Jimmy, however, noticed Brian’s sudden gasp of breath. Again. Brian had subconsciously been gasping for air for the past five and a half minutes, and Jimmy was becoming somewhat concerned about his friend.

“Brian, dude, are you okay?” Jimmy asked, setting down his beer on the closest table. Zacky and Johnny were in the pool, currently attempting to playfully drown each other, and Matt was grilling the barbecue for the evening. Brian was originally by himself until Jimmy had jumped out of the pool and joined him, but not before grabbing an alcoholic substance.

“Huh?” Brian asked, not catching his friend’s words the first time around. He was too busy drowning himself in thoughts of what was going to happen later this evening.

Jimmy’s eyebrows furrowed together, now a little more seriously concerned about fedora-wearing man. Brian wasn’t one to space out frequently, but when he did, you could tell something was wrong. He would usually space out when he had a fight with Michelle, or when there was something wrong with a close friend of family member of his. Jimmy knew, though, that it was neither, for Michelle and Valary had left to visit their mother and father a week ago and wouldn’t be back until the next day, and as far as he knew, any family member he talked to was okay. Many of Brian’s friends were Jimmy’s friends as well, so he wasn’t worried about that option of despair.

“I said, are you okay?” the taller of the two asked for the second time.

Brian contemplated this for a moment, wondering whether or not to just come clean to Jimmy; tell him on the spot what was going on. But, he knew he couldn’t, because that would not only endanger his own life, but the many around him as well.

“Uh, yeah. Fine,” Brian nodded, too quickly for the drummer’s liking. He wasn’t the type to push a subject if somebody didn’t want to talk about it, so, as quickly as he became worried, he dropped the subject. Jimmy’s once concerned manner turned into a rather happy one once Matt had shouted out the words everybody was waiting to hear, “Foods ready!”

As ten o’ clock came an went, Brian knew that he had to act soon, but soon was coming too fast. Silent tears were streaming down his face as the group of friends sat around a bonfire that had created about three hours ago. Nobody could see them though, because the flame was illuminating the opposite side of where he was sitting. As if on cue, Jimmy suddenly stood up, not very intoxicated at all.

“I have to go take my pills. I’ll be right back.” And with that, Jimmy disappeared into the kitchen.

Brian quickly followed, a filled-to-the-brim vial of tequila in his back pocket. Brian opened and shut the sliding kitchen door, spotting Jimmy quickly.

“Here, I’ll get your water.” Brian said as he watched Jimmy ruffle through a bag for what he was looking for.

“Oh. Thanks.” Jimmy replied, somewhat suspiciously, as he continued to dig through his bag, finally finding what he needed.

Brian grabbed a glass from one of the many cupboards above him, and quickly began filling it with tap water. He let out a soft sigh before reaching into his pocket and uncapping the vial, pouring out it’s contents into the clear glass, watching as the ripples from the sudden added liquid faded. He slowly walked over to his beloved friend, handing him the glass, quite sorrowfully, knowing full-well what was about to happen.

Jimmy raised an eyebrow at his friend before throwing the two tablets needed into his mouth and downing most of the supposed water that filled the cup. Jimmy set the glass down on the table, recapping the bottle of pills right after wards. Just as he was about to put the orange bottle back into his bag, he felt a sudden pang where his heart was. He put it off as nothing as he continued to zip up the bag, the bottle now inside of its many contents. Before he could finish zipping it, a rather forceful tug made its way to his heart, sending him forward. Brian watched, tears now cascading down his cheeks as he knew what was happening. Jimmy looked up at him, tears pricking his eyes as he held his chest, wishing the unbearable pain that was currently taking place to simply disappear, but Brian knew that it wouldn’t, for such a combination was fatal to one’s being, bringing a sudden heart attack to it’s bearer.

Jimmy looked up at Brian, life almost nonexistent in his once vibrant eyes. Jimmy opened his mouth to speak, but came out empty-handed as his last breath escaped from his mouth, leaving Brian with a motionless corpse. Brian now sobbed loudly, knowing now that he could’ve prevented this. He could’ve told the others about what was going on, and they could’ve fought this; together. But no, he listened to an unidentified fiend that had told him to kill his best friend, which is exactly what he did. Brian shook his head frantically, wanting all of his actions to go away. He knew though, somewhere deep down, that they wouldn’t, so instead, he reached for Jimmy’s bag, ripping open it’s zipper and shoving his hand inside of it. He pulled out the same pill bottle he had seen moments earlier and quickly undid the childproof cap.

Brian spread out his hand so that all five fingers were stretched out, pouring out about fourteen pills into the palm of his hand. If he was going to overdose, then he wanted to know that it would work. If two was what treated Jimmy’s illness, then seven times that would have to do the job. Brian shoved as many of the tablets into his mouth that would fit, downing them with the rest of the spiked water. The water was gone, but there were still few pills left in his palm. Brian looked at them, then down at Jimmy’s body, and then dry swallowed the rest, quickly feeling the fatal effects that such a mixture was having on his body. Everything went numb, and soon Brian seen only black, hearing the fading shouts and screams of despair coming from his friends mouths. They were too late, and they knew it.

Under my skin lives the reason. Under my armor I lost it all.