Status: Complete.
Killing Loneliness
Killing Loneliness
It was at a party we met, November of last year I think. He was celebrating having played a great show that weekend. I was there out of fear of spending yet another night alone. He’d change all that, well, for a while at least.
‘Memories, sharp as daggers,
pierce into the flesh of today.’
Of course, Brian was already drunk. The rumours surrounding him had certainly followed him as he entered the venue and the first thing he searched for was the alcohol. For anyone that hadn’t heard of Brian prior to the party, they certainly would have by the end. I caught his glance from across the room once or twice as he was chatting up some brunette, but he turned to look away. I needed a drink, but I shouldn’t have. I really shouldn’t have.
“Hey love, mind if I sit?” came a voice from behind me. It wasn’t hard to tell it was Brian. He was very distinctive. He took a seat anyway, despite my silence, and slid a drink into my hands. I almost thanked him for it. “So, have you heard Placebo’s album yet? We’re pretty good, if I do say so myself.” His arrogance was annoying at first, but I guess its part of his charm.
“Yeah I have, it’s alright,” I replied, already bored of conversation. I tried to remember why it was I’d bothered going out in the first place, clearly not wanting to be there. It beat being alone, I told myself. The glass in my hands involuntarily found my lips. Brian began to rave on about their record deal and a few gigs he had coming up, but I was only really half listening.
“Don’t you think?”
“Excuse me?”
“I said, it’s a little dull in here, don’t you think?” I took a look around at the various groups of people scattered about, with the few individuals spaced between. It did look a little dull.
“I guess so.”
“Come dance with me!” Brian suddenly ordered, grabbing for my hand. “Come on!”
“Brian, I’d really rather not...” It hadn’t been a good week at all and now to top it off, I was being dragged onto the almost deserted dance floor by a man who was far too excited for his own good. I’d lost a love I was so sure would be forever. I wasn’t in the mood to dance.
‘Suicide of love took away all that matters,
and buried the remains in an unmarked grave in your heart.’
The music was too loud to allow for coherent thought as Brian danced, still with my hand in his. He had me twirling him a few times before standing to face me as he danced. His hips swung from side to side with the beat and he put his hands upon my own to make me do the same. All I could think about as we danced was how dreadful his choice of clothing had been that night. The long sleeved shirt he had on wasn’t doing his pretty little figure any justice at all. I wondered what he’d look like without it, but the thought soon slipped my mind. I hadn’t noticed, but people had joined us to dance. I felt much better now that it was less obvious I clearly didn’t wish to dance, and with Brian no less. He had an air about him as he closed his eyes and lost himself to the music, and I really wished the top wasn’t there. He pressed his chest against mine as his arms found the back of my neck and I swore I felt his lips against my collarbone. My suspicion was proved correct as I felt him bite down, just softly, and it drove me insane.
‘With the venomous kiss you gave me I’m killing loneliness.
With the warmth of your arms you saved me,
ohh I’m killing loneliness with you.’
I hadn’t felt passion in so long, or even lust for that matter. The look in Brian’s eyes as he pulled away a little radiated both such things I knew I should have avoided.
‘I’m killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb.
I’m killing loneliness.’
“Brian, I can’t-” He hushed me with the shaking of his head and a sly grin formed across his glossy lips.
“Baby, I know you want me.” He’d said it so low I’d barely heard it, but I frowned the instant I did.
“You don’t know the first thing about what I want,” I said, then walked off to leave him dancing alone. I watched from the corner of my eye as he stood there stupidly for a minute before he regained his sense of self and went off in a huff. I found myself at the bar, then shut myself into the corner of the room for the remainder of the night.
‘Nailed to the cross together,
as solitude begs us to stay.’
Brian hadn’t given up, so I thought, until I noticed the brunette from before linked at his hand as he walked over to the table I was at. There were plenty of spares, so I figured he’d come to annoy. I hadn’t been wrong.
“Ville, do you mind if we sit?” he asked politely. I kicked out the chair for him, wondering what he was playing at.
“Tonight really went off!” the girl exclaimed. She clearly hadn’t taken her eyes from Brian’s form, as the mood had certainly died once again.
“Mmm, it’s certainly been a blast,” Brian added. I wondered if he actually believed his own bullshit, or if it were just my mood turning everything to shit. Before I could dwell on the thought, I felt a leg slide deliberately against my own. I had to guess it was Brian as he sat staring at me with an innocence he didn’t have. The girl was too busy picking at her nails.
“Hey, what’s your name, sweetheart?” I asked, as it was beginning to annoy me. She didn’t notice I’d directed my question to her until Brian nudged her in the side.
“Who, me?” I nodded. She giggled then snorted. Brian looked repulsed.
“Amanda.” It was a nice name, at least. As I soon found more interest in my beverage once again, I saw Brian squirming in his seat. He turned to Amanda and kissed her, and not in a strictly friendly way at all. I coughed to try get his attention but he just seemed to get more into it, grabbing for her thighs with eager hands. I felt myself heat up as his hand slipped beneath her dress, and looked away as her grip tightened around his torso. He was doing it all just to get to me, I thought, which was a shame 'cause Amanda clearly fancied him. He couldn’t have cared less for her, I deduced, his eyes open now as they kissed to look me up and down.
‘Disappear in the night forever,
and denounce the power of death over our souls and secret words are sent to start a war.’
He finally pulled himself from her, his attention entirely on me now. Poor Amanda hadn’t a clue as she sat starry eyed in her seat. So, I may have sorta wanted him right then and there, but he wasn’t going to find out. I got up to leave, as people already had by the looks of things. I guessed it was pretty late and wondered how long I’d been drinking for, discovering that at least I could still walk straight. Unfortunately, so could Brian by some miracle. Amanda called out for him as he left after me, but I never heard him return her call.
“Where you headed to in such a rush, love?” He’d caught up to me just as I’d made it onto the street, pulling my jacket on as the wind chilled my bones. He had on a white fluffy jacket himself, which looked much better than the top beneath it. I pulled out a smoke from the half empty pack in my pocket, lighting it and taking a much needed drag.
“My hotel room. It’s late, Brian.”
“Can I crash there tonight? I’ve no place to go.” I knew he was lying. Besides, it was completely out of the question. I glanced across to catch a glimpse of his bright eyes, curiosity coursing through my own.
“Look, Brian. I’m not interested, okay?” I said, running my hand through my hair as I stopped to face him for a moment.
“No, that’s not okay,” he responded. “You’re very clearly interested. I can sense it.” He took the smoke from me and took a drag for himself, discarding it once he could see he had my attention. He had me, and he knew it. I felt as his breath sent cold shivers from its place on my neck all the way down my spine, closing my eyes as his soft lips found my collarbone once again that night. My arms were around his tiny frame now, his hands entwined with my hair. Our location became apparent to us as a cold gust of wind caused us to shudder closer together, both of us wanting that same warmth to be shared.
‘With the venomous kiss you gave me I’m killing loneliness.
With the warmth of your arms you saved me,
ohh I’m killing loneliness with you.
I’m killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb.
I’m killing loneliness.’
Getting a key to fit a hole at 3am was hard enough without a gorgeous being wrapped around my waist, whispering exactly what he wished to do with me into my ear as his hands found my belt buckle in the dimly lit corridor.
‘I’m killing loneliness.’
“Shh, someone will hear you,” I whispered, not wanting any negative attention.
“They will soon enough,” he smirked, shoving me inside as I finally opened the door, rushing to lock it behind us before Brian dragged me to the bed that’d been re-made for me.
‘I’m killing loneliness.’
I collapsed onto it and caught my breath for a moment, Brian seeming to do the same before he crawled above me and found my lips in the half-dark with his own.
‘With the venomous kiss you gave me I’m killing loneliness.’
A contented sigh escaped his mouth as he pulled away to rid himself of his jacket, then me of mine. I made sure to pull his god awful top from his gorgeous body before returning to kiss him once more, eager to feel once again.
“With the warmth of your arms you saved me,” I whispered, pulling the sheets over us as I felt Brian undo my pants.
“Ohh, I’m killing loneliness with you.”
‘I’m killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb.
I’m killing loneliness.
I’m killing loneliness with you.
I’m killing loneliness with you.
Killing loneliness with you.
Killing loneliness with you.
Killing loneliness.
Killing loneliness.’
‘Memories, sharp as daggers,
pierce into the flesh of today.’
Of course, Brian was already drunk. The rumours surrounding him had certainly followed him as he entered the venue and the first thing he searched for was the alcohol. For anyone that hadn’t heard of Brian prior to the party, they certainly would have by the end. I caught his glance from across the room once or twice as he was chatting up some brunette, but he turned to look away. I needed a drink, but I shouldn’t have. I really shouldn’t have.
“Hey love, mind if I sit?” came a voice from behind me. It wasn’t hard to tell it was Brian. He was very distinctive. He took a seat anyway, despite my silence, and slid a drink into my hands. I almost thanked him for it. “So, have you heard Placebo’s album yet? We’re pretty good, if I do say so myself.” His arrogance was annoying at first, but I guess its part of his charm.
“Yeah I have, it’s alright,” I replied, already bored of conversation. I tried to remember why it was I’d bothered going out in the first place, clearly not wanting to be there. It beat being alone, I told myself. The glass in my hands involuntarily found my lips. Brian began to rave on about their record deal and a few gigs he had coming up, but I was only really half listening.
“Don’t you think?”
“Excuse me?”
“I said, it’s a little dull in here, don’t you think?” I took a look around at the various groups of people scattered about, with the few individuals spaced between. It did look a little dull.
“I guess so.”
“Come dance with me!” Brian suddenly ordered, grabbing for my hand. “Come on!”
“Brian, I’d really rather not...” It hadn’t been a good week at all and now to top it off, I was being dragged onto the almost deserted dance floor by a man who was far too excited for his own good. I’d lost a love I was so sure would be forever. I wasn’t in the mood to dance.
‘Suicide of love took away all that matters,
and buried the remains in an unmarked grave in your heart.’
The music was too loud to allow for coherent thought as Brian danced, still with my hand in his. He had me twirling him a few times before standing to face me as he danced. His hips swung from side to side with the beat and he put his hands upon my own to make me do the same. All I could think about as we danced was how dreadful his choice of clothing had been that night. The long sleeved shirt he had on wasn’t doing his pretty little figure any justice at all. I wondered what he’d look like without it, but the thought soon slipped my mind. I hadn’t noticed, but people had joined us to dance. I felt much better now that it was less obvious I clearly didn’t wish to dance, and with Brian no less. He had an air about him as he closed his eyes and lost himself to the music, and I really wished the top wasn’t there. He pressed his chest against mine as his arms found the back of my neck and I swore I felt his lips against my collarbone. My suspicion was proved correct as I felt him bite down, just softly, and it drove me insane.
‘With the venomous kiss you gave me I’m killing loneliness.
With the warmth of your arms you saved me,
ohh I’m killing loneliness with you.’
I hadn’t felt passion in so long, or even lust for that matter. The look in Brian’s eyes as he pulled away a little radiated both such things I knew I should have avoided.
‘I’m killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb.
I’m killing loneliness.’
“Brian, I can’t-” He hushed me with the shaking of his head and a sly grin formed across his glossy lips.
“Baby, I know you want me.” He’d said it so low I’d barely heard it, but I frowned the instant I did.
“You don’t know the first thing about what I want,” I said, then walked off to leave him dancing alone. I watched from the corner of my eye as he stood there stupidly for a minute before he regained his sense of self and went off in a huff. I found myself at the bar, then shut myself into the corner of the room for the remainder of the night.
‘Nailed to the cross together,
as solitude begs us to stay.’
Brian hadn’t given up, so I thought, until I noticed the brunette from before linked at his hand as he walked over to the table I was at. There were plenty of spares, so I figured he’d come to annoy. I hadn’t been wrong.
“Ville, do you mind if we sit?” he asked politely. I kicked out the chair for him, wondering what he was playing at.
“Tonight really went off!” the girl exclaimed. She clearly hadn’t taken her eyes from Brian’s form, as the mood had certainly died once again.
“Mmm, it’s certainly been a blast,” Brian added. I wondered if he actually believed his own bullshit, or if it were just my mood turning everything to shit. Before I could dwell on the thought, I felt a leg slide deliberately against my own. I had to guess it was Brian as he sat staring at me with an innocence he didn’t have. The girl was too busy picking at her nails.
“Hey, what’s your name, sweetheart?” I asked, as it was beginning to annoy me. She didn’t notice I’d directed my question to her until Brian nudged her in the side.
“Who, me?” I nodded. She giggled then snorted. Brian looked repulsed.
“Amanda.” It was a nice name, at least. As I soon found more interest in my beverage once again, I saw Brian squirming in his seat. He turned to Amanda and kissed her, and not in a strictly friendly way at all. I coughed to try get his attention but he just seemed to get more into it, grabbing for her thighs with eager hands. I felt myself heat up as his hand slipped beneath her dress, and looked away as her grip tightened around his torso. He was doing it all just to get to me, I thought, which was a shame 'cause Amanda clearly fancied him. He couldn’t have cared less for her, I deduced, his eyes open now as they kissed to look me up and down.
‘Disappear in the night forever,
and denounce the power of death over our souls and secret words are sent to start a war.’
He finally pulled himself from her, his attention entirely on me now. Poor Amanda hadn’t a clue as she sat starry eyed in her seat. So, I may have sorta wanted him right then and there, but he wasn’t going to find out. I got up to leave, as people already had by the looks of things. I guessed it was pretty late and wondered how long I’d been drinking for, discovering that at least I could still walk straight. Unfortunately, so could Brian by some miracle. Amanda called out for him as he left after me, but I never heard him return her call.
“Where you headed to in such a rush, love?” He’d caught up to me just as I’d made it onto the street, pulling my jacket on as the wind chilled my bones. He had on a white fluffy jacket himself, which looked much better than the top beneath it. I pulled out a smoke from the half empty pack in my pocket, lighting it and taking a much needed drag.
“My hotel room. It’s late, Brian.”
“Can I crash there tonight? I’ve no place to go.” I knew he was lying. Besides, it was completely out of the question. I glanced across to catch a glimpse of his bright eyes, curiosity coursing through my own.
“Look, Brian. I’m not interested, okay?” I said, running my hand through my hair as I stopped to face him for a moment.
“No, that’s not okay,” he responded. “You’re very clearly interested. I can sense it.” He took the smoke from me and took a drag for himself, discarding it once he could see he had my attention. He had me, and he knew it. I felt as his breath sent cold shivers from its place on my neck all the way down my spine, closing my eyes as his soft lips found my collarbone once again that night. My arms were around his tiny frame now, his hands entwined with my hair. Our location became apparent to us as a cold gust of wind caused us to shudder closer together, both of us wanting that same warmth to be shared.
‘With the venomous kiss you gave me I’m killing loneliness.
With the warmth of your arms you saved me,
ohh I’m killing loneliness with you.
I’m killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb.
I’m killing loneliness.’
Getting a key to fit a hole at 3am was hard enough without a gorgeous being wrapped around my waist, whispering exactly what he wished to do with me into my ear as his hands found my belt buckle in the dimly lit corridor.
‘I’m killing loneliness.’
“Shh, someone will hear you,” I whispered, not wanting any negative attention.
“They will soon enough,” he smirked, shoving me inside as I finally opened the door, rushing to lock it behind us before Brian dragged me to the bed that’d been re-made for me.
‘I’m killing loneliness.’
I collapsed onto it and caught my breath for a moment, Brian seeming to do the same before he crawled above me and found my lips in the half-dark with his own.
‘With the venomous kiss you gave me I’m killing loneliness.’
A contented sigh escaped his mouth as he pulled away to rid himself of his jacket, then me of mine. I made sure to pull his god awful top from his gorgeous body before returning to kiss him once more, eager to feel once again.
“With the warmth of your arms you saved me,” I whispered, pulling the sheets over us as I felt Brian undo my pants.
“Ohh, I’m killing loneliness with you.”
‘I’m killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb.
I’m killing loneliness.
I’m killing loneliness with you.
I’m killing loneliness with you.
Killing loneliness with you.
Killing loneliness with you.
Killing loneliness.
Killing loneliness.’