Sucker Love

“So what do you think Brian, black or violet?” Heidi whispered, waiting for Brian’s response.

“I think violet, if only because then I can borrow the black one.”

“You’d better not get it stained again, Brian. I love that dress.”

“Mmm, so do I.” They both sniggered between themselves.

“Quiet down you two.” Mr Gregory had been telling them off all lesson. They’d done none of the work so far, not even pretending to have done it as they had nothing on their desks.

“I hope you don’t get beaten, Brian.” Heidi was suddenly quite worried for Brian. She was always worried for him.

“I’ll be fine hun. Besides, it wouldn’t be the first time now, would it? Remember that time I–”

“Right, that’s it. Brian, sit beside Stefan and learn how to be a good boy.” Brian got up, slightly pissed off, and slammed his books on the desk beside Stefan. He jumped, and Brian felt a little bad for being so damn loud.

“Sorry,” he muttered, taking his seat.

“Now get out your books.”

“I don’t have them here, sir.” He wasn’t lying. All he had in his bag was his smokes and a banana. With all the yelling in the morning, he’d left home without them.

“You expect me to believe that!?” Mr Gregory was yelling at him now, slowly making his way towards him. “Open up your bag! Prove it, boy!” Brian did as he was told and poured out the contents of his bag onto his desk, snatching for the cigarettes he’d forgotten were still in there as they bounced across the table.

“Shit,” he muttered. “It’s not what it looks like,” Brian said softly.

“Hand them here. We’ll have a talk after class. Get some work done.” Brian sighed, knowing he was in deep shit. He shouldn’t have been so careless, he thought, pulling at his hair a little. The class was murmuring a little, and Brian knew it was about him. It was always about him.

“I can’t believe he smokes. How gross,” he heard someone whisper, and turned to give them a filthy look. It wasn’t his fault. He’d picked up the habit from a guy he used to know, before he moved away. He needed something to relieve the constant stress he seemed to be under.

“I know. Gross. Hey, did you hear about that girl he fucked?”

“Which one?” The two girls sniggered.

“Isabel. She’s got a blister on her thigh now. I swear, he must be diseased or something…” They were laughing again.

“Here, you can borrow some paper to work on,” Stefan said softly, pushing some blank sheets across to him.

“So, are you gonna teach me how to be a good boy?” he asked, trying to amuse himself as a distraction. He couldn’t listen to the girls talking about him anymore. He wondered if they knew he was able to hear them. “Or, am I gonna have to teach you how to be a bad boy?”

“You should probably do some work, Brian,” Stefan said softly, not wishing to hear Brian’s promiscuous words. “We have a test next week.”

“Wanna jam again tonight? It’s the weekend, so we have a little longer.” Stefan wasn’t sure. After they’d hung out a few days ago, Brian hadn’t talked to him since. He wondered exactly where he stood with Brian, and just how serious he took him. He couldn’t forget the kiss they’d shared, but it seemed Brian had already. Brian was looking across at him with great interest as he awaited an answer.

“I probably shouldn’t,” Stefan finally muttered, turning his face back to his work. Brian looked a little hurt.

“Why not?”

“I dunno, I have a busy weekend coming up. The party at Calen’s, basketball practice…”

“Ohh…Okay.” Brian began to write down the questions from the board, the numbers all a blur to him as his eyes welled up with tears. He sniffled, and Stefan heard.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“It’s because I’m a loser, isn’t it?” Brian asked, turning to face him. He tried to hide behind his hair a little as he hated appearing weak in front of others. “You know you’ll be picked on if people find you hang with me. I’m like a curse.”

“That’s not true…”

“Do you know Heidi?” Stefan nodded his head. Everyone knew who Heidi was. “She was the most popular girl in school before she started hanging with me. Now look at her. She was spat on this morning…”

“Stop bothering Stefan,” the girl behind them both said. “He’s not interested in talking to you, faggot.” She turned her attention to Stefan and a smile graced her lips. “So, will we see you at Calen’s party this weekend?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there Kate.”

“Great! Because, you know, I wasn’t gonna bother going if you weren’t gonna be there.” She winked across at him, and he smiled politely in return. Brian gagged.

“If only they knew,” Stefan whispered as he turned back around.

“Knew what?” It seemed Brian was determined to get nothing done all lesson.

“Ahh…I’d rather not have to say it in public Brian. It’s…not something I want overheard.” Brian nodded in understanding.

“Then you can tell me tonight when we jam.” As Stefan didn’t object to Brian inviting himself over despite him having said that he’d rather not, Brian took it as a yes.

“Okay, we’re getting way too loud in here,” the teacher said from his desk in the corner. The classroom fell silent once more, save for Brian tapping his pen on the side of the desk.

As the bell went, Brian’s insides churned. He should’ve been feeling much better, as it’d been the last lesson for the week. He picked himself up and walked over to Mr Gregory’s desk, taking a seat in front of it. He waited for the class to empty before he spoke.

“Uhh, so, how much trouble am I in?” Brian asked softly. He hoped he’d somehow get away with it.

“Brian, underage smoking is a serious thing. I’m gonna have to call your parents to find a suitable punishment and some way of getting you to quit.”

“Can’t you just give me a week of detention instead?” he asked, hoping it wouldn’t have to come to his parents finding out.

“You’ve already earned that for disrupting the class so much. You were talking all lesson!”

“I was bored!”

“Perhaps if you’d brought your books to school you’d have had something to do!” Brian punched the side of the desk, regretting it as his knuckles turned red. He didn’t understand.

“Fuck you!” He grabbed his smokes before they could be snatched from his reach and strutted from the classroom. He knew that if he ran, he could make it home before his parents knew of anything. He had to run pretty fast, for him.

Brian threw his bag onto his bed and ran for his guitar, putting it in its case and running back down the stairs with it. He’d heard the phone ringing as he left, his legs then pushing him to go a little faster. He didn’t wish to see that disappointed look upon his mother’s face. He couldn’t take that kind of guilt right now.

Stefan knew the doorbell would be Brian, and was glad his parents were out for a bit. He opened it to a boy who could barely support himself due to his lack of breath, and let him inside immediately.

“Did you run the whole way here or something?” Stefan asked.

“I had to,” Brian said once he’d regained his breath. “Mr Gregory’s told my parents I smoke. My dad’s probably going through my room right now checking for drugs or something…”

“You don’t…do you?”

“Nah.” Brian received a hard look in return to his casual reply. “Well, not at home. I can’t get a hold of anything good lately anyway, you know?” Stefan hung his head a little, wishing his tiny friend could see the errors in his ways.

“You shouldn’t, Brian...”

“What?” Brian couldn’t believe it. He’d thought Stefan would be cool about it. He’d been pretty cool so far, for a jock.

“The drugs, the smoking…the drinking…it’ll kill you one day.” Brian shrugged and began to make his way to Stefan’s room, sitting on his bed once he was there. He liked Stefan’s bed. It was much softer than his. He was joined a few minutes later and handed a glass of juice.

“Thanks,” he muttered. They were silent for a while as both of them had so many things to say, but no courage to say them. “It’s just, I need these things, you know? I need these things to help me...”

“Help you what?”

“Well…I guess, help me stay alive…ironically...” Stefan didn’t know what to say. Was Brian serious? Did he wish to die?

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

“No, not lately. There’s just all this shit I can’t take, Stef…” Brian wiped his eyes and turned to see Stefan was watching his every move. “I’m sorry I’m crying again, just, I don’t really talk about this much. Heidi doesn’t wanna hear it and I have no one else…”

“You can always talk to me,” Stefan offered, wrapping his arm around Brian’s shivering form. Brian leaned into Stefan’s chest and clung to his shirt, closing his eyes as he let himself relax there. Stefan’s heart was beating so fast now, and he was afraid Brian could feel it.

“What was it in class that you couldn’t tell me there?” Brian suddenly asked. “You said if only they knew…if only they knew what?”

“Uhh…”

“Ohh come on, I’ve just told you some pretty personal things about myself. We’re friends, yeah?” Stefan nodded, but wasn’t sure he wanted to tell anyone. “Steffff,” Brian whined, play shoving him just a little.

“Okay. I’m gay, Brian. I’ve uhh…never said it out loud before…”

“Well I feel honoured,” Brian said. “And that’s cool. I sorta figured, though wouldn’t have guessed it a week ago.”

“I just can’t have anyone knowing, really. I don’t wanna be picked on, or thrown off the team…I wish I could be as open as you. I mean, everyone knows about you.”

“They do, but it’s not always a good thing. They know I’m eccentric, which is okay. But they also know I sleep around, and drink, and now they know I smoke…”

“They also know you’re bi, Brian.” Brian laughed.

“After that incident in the cafeteria, I think it’d be hard to forget that fact.” He smirked as he remembered the looks on everyone’s faces, especially on the boy he’d decided to shove his tongue down the throat of. Stefan felt himself getting hot as he, too, remembered it, wishing just a little that it could have been him. Brian was leaning heavier on him now, gazing up at Stefan as if there was something amiss. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Brian. Why?”

“Your heart is beating awful fast, is all…”

“Ohh…” The look of concern that had been on Brian’s face soon changed back to a smirk and he leaned on Stefan yet a little more.

“You wanted that to be you, didn’t you?” he asked knowingly, but wanted to hear Stefan try to deny it.

“W-what gives you that impression?” Stefan asked in a shaky voice, hating this power Brian had over him. His hand was placed firmly on his chest as he pushed Stefan back onto his pillows and crawled above him. Stefan wanted to smack that smirk right off of his face, annoyed that Brian knew exactly what he did to him.

“Well for starters, you’re not denying me now,” Brian whispered, licking Stefan’s earlobe before whispering some more. “And, I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking back…it’s just too obvious…” He brought his head back up to stare at Stefan as he struggled with a reply, probably because Brian’s hand had crept beneath his shirt. “To be honest babe, you’re not half bad…” Brian lightly kissed Stefan’s lips before pulling away to see his eyes still closed and smiled down at him. He looked so innocent, Brian mused, placing his lips back to his. Hearing a door open, Brian decided he’d better get off of his new special friend. Stefan’s door was still wide open, and he didn’t want anyone walking in on them.