Unpleasant’s Plans
1/1
Nick ran a hand through his spiky black hair and readjusted his goggles. He’d been up for hours working on his new plan and he was exhausted. In just a short time he would let himself finish for the night so he could get some sleep.
Suddenly the alarm of his warning system went off and he jolted awake. Grumbling he pressed a button on his computer. “Who is it, Steve?”
“It appears to be Awesome Man, sir,” the voice of Michael Cain issued from the computer.
Nick sighed, “Very well, you know what to do, release the zombies.”
The zombies weren’t so much of a threat as a hindrance. They weren’t good for much except moving slowly, falling over, and maybe the occasional bite. Not the best of creatures, pretty useless in fact, good for scaring people off though now that he thought of it.
Still, they wouldn’t hold off the hero for long. Nick pulled himself out of his chair and put on a fresh lab coat. He was quite upset; he’d been looking forward to sleeping.
He glanced out the window to see how the zombies were holding up. They seemed to be putting up a better fight than usual; he would reward them with brains later.
Standing in the middle of the carnage was a scrawny teenager dressed in an ugly red sort of color, hitting the undead with a wooden baseball bat. Upon closer inspection the bat revealed to have several large nails jutting out of it. Nick repressed a shudder and headed downstairs to his second lab to use the 15 minutes he had to prepare.
(There was always a second lab to be used when heroes came calling. There was always a guarantee that a fight would break out, and no scientist wanted expensive equipment to be ruined. Just because they were evil, didn’t mean they weren’t smart. )
On the way down, Nick fumed. 8 years he’d studied at the University of Evil. Eight years!! And here he was, shunted to some small city no one cared about in the middle of nowhere, fighting teenagers. Some times he seriously wondered if it was worth being an evil genius. Okay, genius was pushing it, but he was definitely an evil scientist.
Nick had barely entered the lab when Awesome Man burst in and proclaimed, “I won’t let you get away with this, Dr. Unpleasant!”
“But I haven’t done anything,” the doctor stated calmly, folding his arms.
“Really?” The hero looked bewildered, the wheels turning in his mind, maybe he’d gotten the date wrong.
“No.” Nick grinned evilly as he flipped a switch. Instantly a cage popped up and ensnared the do-gooder. “You heroes are always so gullible, you know that?”
“And you villains are always so quick to underestimate us,” the teen replied as he slipped through the cage barsProxy-Connection: keep-alive
Cache-Control: max-age=0
“How the hell are you that thin?” Dr. Unpleasant demanded right before the bat connected with his stomach. It felt like he’d been batted with a strong gust of wind rather than a heavy bat with nails. Still, he soared back quite a few feet, colliding with a shelf of vials.
Shards of glass harmlessly fell around him. Nevertheless, the collision itself hurt a lot, and he could taste blood in his mouth from where he bit his cheek.
“You’re too late anyway Awesome Man,” he laughed. “All I have to do is push a button and my plan with be set in motion.”
The hero’s eyes widened and he frantically looked around the lab. Nearly every surface was covered in buttons. Hundreds of buttons, maybe even thousands, more buttons than should be allowed in one space, in fact many of the surfaces themselves were just buttons. Button heaven or hell, depending on how a person looked at it.
The best part about having this many buttons though is, only one of them actually worked. Of course there was always the chance that Nick would forget which button he was using this week. But he always used the same one; you would have thought Awesome Man would have caught that by now.
“Which one is it?” Awesome Man asked.
“Oh now what kind of a question is that?” Nick demanded wagging a finger. “Like I’m really going to tell you.”
“Come on,” the teen whined, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “This hero stuff is hard! And I have a math test tomorrow morning!”
“Well then, you’ll just have to live without your precious green trees!” Dr. Unpleasant stared dramatically at the hero. “And I don’t mean I’m getting rid of all the trees (that would be ridiculous). I mean I’m going to paint all the trees orange!”
“NOOOOOO-” The scream lasted forever. After about a few minutes Nick went to the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea and a sandwich. When he came back Awesome Man still didn’t show any signs of stopping the yell.
After finishing the sandwich, he started reading 1001 Things Every Evil Scientist Should Know. He’d just finished reading about the importance of revealing the evil plan to the hero before actually going through the plan (Number 531 for those who are wondering.), when Awesome Man finally stopped screaming.
“Wait,” the hero pondered. “What does painting them orange achieve?”
“I never really liked the color green,” the villain replied, setting aside his book. He could practically feel the evil tingling his skin. “Trees have a lot of green you see.”
“But orange? Not a very pretty color.”
“Coming from a nerd in that awful red color?”
“Blood stains don’t show up in it!”
“They don’t on black clothing either!”
The hero looked stumped. “Shut up! Orange is still an ugly color!”
Nick grabbed the nearest thing to him, which happened to be a stuffed platypus, and held it in a throwing position. “Take it back,” he growled threateningly.
“Okay, okay I take it back!” Awesome Man winced.
“Good.” He lowered his guard and the platypus hit him in the face. “That’s for being a spineless weenie who won’t stick to his opinions.” He rubbed his eye, where the beak had hit, and waved his bat angrily.
“I’ll get you for that,” he mumbled.
Nick shook his head. “No, now we’re even. You hit me first remember?” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, it’s time for me to put my scheme into action, if you would kindly allow yourself to be restrained again.” He flipped another switch and this time heavy ropes wrapped themselves around the hero. Awesome Man struggled futilely against his bonds. “You never were that strong,” Nick said softly. “You’ll injure yourself if you keep struggling.”
Now, this was it. His moment of glory, when one of his plans finally came through. Dr. Unpleasant inhaled deeply through his nose, savoring the moment. Grinning manically he pushed the right button.
Suddenly the alarm of his warning system went off and he jolted awake. Grumbling he pressed a button on his computer. “Who is it, Steve?”
“It appears to be Awesome Man, sir,” the voice of Michael Cain issued from the computer.
Nick sighed, “Very well, you know what to do, release the zombies.”
The zombies weren’t so much of a threat as a hindrance. They weren’t good for much except moving slowly, falling over, and maybe the occasional bite. Not the best of creatures, pretty useless in fact, good for scaring people off though now that he thought of it.
Still, they wouldn’t hold off the hero for long. Nick pulled himself out of his chair and put on a fresh lab coat. He was quite upset; he’d been looking forward to sleeping.
He glanced out the window to see how the zombies were holding up. They seemed to be putting up a better fight than usual; he would reward them with brains later.
Standing in the middle of the carnage was a scrawny teenager dressed in an ugly red sort of color, hitting the undead with a wooden baseball bat. Upon closer inspection the bat revealed to have several large nails jutting out of it. Nick repressed a shudder and headed downstairs to his second lab to use the 15 minutes he had to prepare.
(There was always a second lab to be used when heroes came calling. There was always a guarantee that a fight would break out, and no scientist wanted expensive equipment to be ruined. Just because they were evil, didn’t mean they weren’t smart. )
On the way down, Nick fumed. 8 years he’d studied at the University of Evil. Eight years!! And here he was, shunted to some small city no one cared about in the middle of nowhere, fighting teenagers. Some times he seriously wondered if it was worth being an evil genius. Okay, genius was pushing it, but he was definitely an evil scientist.
Nick had barely entered the lab when Awesome Man burst in and proclaimed, “I won’t let you get away with this, Dr. Unpleasant!”
“But I haven’t done anything,” the doctor stated calmly, folding his arms.
“Really?” The hero looked bewildered, the wheels turning in his mind, maybe he’d gotten the date wrong.
“No.” Nick grinned evilly as he flipped a switch. Instantly a cage popped up and ensnared the do-gooder. “You heroes are always so gullible, you know that?”
“And you villains are always so quick to underestimate us,” the teen replied as he slipped through the cage barsProxy-Connection: keep-alive
Cache-Control: max-age=0
“How the hell are you that thin?” Dr. Unpleasant demanded right before the bat connected with his stomach. It felt like he’d been batted with a strong gust of wind rather than a heavy bat with nails. Still, he soared back quite a few feet, colliding with a shelf of vials.
Shards of glass harmlessly fell around him. Nevertheless, the collision itself hurt a lot, and he could taste blood in his mouth from where he bit his cheek.
“You’re too late anyway Awesome Man,” he laughed. “All I have to do is push a button and my plan with be set in motion.”
The hero’s eyes widened and he frantically looked around the lab. Nearly every surface was covered in buttons. Hundreds of buttons, maybe even thousands, more buttons than should be allowed in one space, in fact many of the surfaces themselves were just buttons. Button heaven or hell, depending on how a person looked at it.
The best part about having this many buttons though is, only one of them actually worked. Of course there was always the chance that Nick would forget which button he was using this week. But he always used the same one; you would have thought Awesome Man would have caught that by now.
“Which one is it?” Awesome Man asked.
“Oh now what kind of a question is that?” Nick demanded wagging a finger. “Like I’m really going to tell you.”
“Come on,” the teen whined, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “This hero stuff is hard! And I have a math test tomorrow morning!”
“Well then, you’ll just have to live without your precious green trees!” Dr. Unpleasant stared dramatically at the hero. “And I don’t mean I’m getting rid of all the trees (that would be ridiculous). I mean I’m going to paint all the trees orange!”
“NOOOOOO-” The scream lasted forever. After about a few minutes Nick went to the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea and a sandwich. When he came back Awesome Man still didn’t show any signs of stopping the yell.
After finishing the sandwich, he started reading 1001 Things Every Evil Scientist Should Know. He’d just finished reading about the importance of revealing the evil plan to the hero before actually going through the plan (Number 531 for those who are wondering.), when Awesome Man finally stopped screaming.
“Wait,” the hero pondered. “What does painting them orange achieve?”
“I never really liked the color green,” the villain replied, setting aside his book. He could practically feel the evil tingling his skin. “Trees have a lot of green you see.”
“But orange? Not a very pretty color.”
“Coming from a nerd in that awful red color?”
“Blood stains don’t show up in it!”
“They don’t on black clothing either!”
The hero looked stumped. “Shut up! Orange is still an ugly color!”
Nick grabbed the nearest thing to him, which happened to be a stuffed platypus, and held it in a throwing position. “Take it back,” he growled threateningly.
“Okay, okay I take it back!” Awesome Man winced.
“Good.” He lowered his guard and the platypus hit him in the face. “That’s for being a spineless weenie who won’t stick to his opinions.” He rubbed his eye, where the beak had hit, and waved his bat angrily.
“I’ll get you for that,” he mumbled.
Nick shook his head. “No, now we’re even. You hit me first remember?” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, it’s time for me to put my scheme into action, if you would kindly allow yourself to be restrained again.” He flipped another switch and this time heavy ropes wrapped themselves around the hero. Awesome Man struggled futilely against his bonds. “You never were that strong,” Nick said softly. “You’ll injure yourself if you keep struggling.”
Now, this was it. His moment of glory, when one of his plans finally came through. Dr. Unpleasant inhaled deeply through his nose, savoring the moment. Grinning manically he pushed the right button.
♠ ♠ ♠
....Yeah this is really silly.