My Heart's on an Auction, It Goes out to the Highest Bid

The day I received that letter was the day that my life changed. Suddenly everyday, every waking moment of my life, revolved around waiting for the mail, waiting for him. When I first sent the initial letter, I never believed I would get a reply. I thought I would just be treated as another cherished fan, nothing out of the ordinary for Ronnie Radke. I guess I wasn’t out of the ordinary really. Something made him want to talk to me from the inside – call it luck if you will, but it changed my life forever, in ways I would have never expected.

The day he was released was marked on my calendar. Two weeks. I wondered if he would want to see me like he has promised, or if the words were just empty – written in desperation to connect to the outside world.

I walked over toward my wardrobe, and sat on the floor before it, reaching past my folded clothes and stretching my arms forward until I felt the cold wood against my fingers. I felt the old tin box on the tip of my fingers as I moved them away from the floor. Delicately, I pulled it out, placing it in my lap whilst I continued sitting on the floor. I counted the letters. There were twenty three. I was hoping for a twenty fourth this morning.

“Emily, come on!” My room mate Alice called out to me. “You have to take me to work, remember?”

Alice worked at the local supermarket. As her wage was the bare minimum, her car constantly stopped working. I, on the other hand, was a practicing midwife, and I had the day off, with exception of a lecture at 2.30 this afternoon.

I pulled on my scarf, as it was an unusually cold summer’s day in Nevada. I followed her out the door, only for my eye to catch something on the floor as I pulled out my car keys. It was a pile of letters, and the one of top appeared to comprise a bill of some sort. That was the worst thing, having my heart beat in anticipation and hope, to only too often have it shot down, being replaced with a weight on my shoulders that was the constant issue of money until Matt came home.

I felt kind of silly as I bent down to pick up the letters, my heart racing. I was too afraid to look at them in fear of not having one from the person I wanted. I sat in the driver’s seat and started my car.

“Take your time.” Alice said, rolling her eyes as she slammed her sidekick closed. “Are we still going to Callum’s tonight?”

I reversed out of the driveway and onto the road.

“I guess so.”

“Good, I really need to get drunk.” She said, picking at her nails.

I rolled my eyes and began driving down the street, recognizing the familiar faces of the kids that lived on my street walking to school, the parents driving to work, the usual morning rush. I missed this street when I was living with Matt.

“Pick me up at 12.30, we can go for lunch.” Alice said. “Love you!”

I watched as she jumped out of the car and walked her springy step toward the supermarket. Anticipation took over me once she was gone and I reached over to the pile of letters.

Emily Turner,
234 County Street,
Las Vegas, Nevada

I flipped it over to see the return address was that of Ronnie’s prison. Excitement overwhelmed me. Feverishly I ripped open the envelope to discover his surprisingly neat writing.

Em, it feels like it’s been ages since I last wrote to you.
Everything is so fucking hectic here, I can’t wait to get out. Hopefully I can see you when I do. I have so many fan letters to reply to and I really want to reply to every single one at some stage.
How’s Alice and the house and everything? I hope you’re coping a little better than you were in the last letter.
I really can’t wait to meet you and to get out into the open world again.
It sounds stupid but the best part of being in here is waiting for, and getting, your letters. Seriously it changes everything. I feel like I can tell you whatever shit I want and you’ll just know what to say and everything.
No I haven’t spoken to Max or any of the other members except Bryan once they decided to kick me out. That’s a fucking big mistake on their part. Yeah it does get me down to be kicked away like that but I guess that’s life – the ones you trust most are usually the ones that break it worse than anyone else.
I’m trying not to talk shit or to hurt anyone anymore and I want to put it behind me when I leave – but seriously you don’t need to worry I’m doing fine.
Anyway I really have to go, there’s so much more I want to write but I don’t have time!
I’m looking forward to getting your reply.
Ronnie xx

I smiled and folded the paper back, reclining myself into the car seat.

I couldn’t stop the smile from creeping up my chest, or the sigh that unwillingly escaped from my lungs. I didn’t know what Ronnie wanted, and I had a secret that he probably wouldn’t want to know.

Then again, I didn’t know what relationship we had.

Would it matter to him that I was married?

… Would it matter to him that I can’t get him out of my head?