Hello Sheffield

I fell into a steady routine for the next week.

I’d visit a new band each day, spend time before lunch at the Drop Dead tent, the time after lunch with the guys at Bring Me The Horizon’s merch tent, go to an interview with Oli, and then stand side stage to watch their set.

The parties were something that I couldn’t fall into a routine for. I loved partying, it was so much fun, but the Warped after parties on various busses and at various clubs were almost too much to handle.

Some of these people took the whole sex, drugs, and rock and roll thing way too seriously.

And I had been expecting that of course.

There’s something a little unsettling about seeing your boyfriend place a tab of acid on his tongue for the first time.

Oliver had gotten it from seemingly nowhere. A roadie had taken some from a fan who had wanted it to get to someone, or something like that. I urged him not to take it simply because he didn’t know where it was from. He rolled his eyes and snorted.

I didn’t nag him throughout his high. I wasn’t mad that he was doing drugs seeing as I was taking them alongside him. Acid wasn’t on the top of my list but there I was, letting him place the small, colorful square tab onto my tongue.

Bring Me The Horizon was a band of partiers, the type that partied hard. I wanted to live up to the expectation.

As quickly as I’d shied away from drugs, I warmed up to them. I used a lot less than my friends did and I subtly pressured Oli to do the same but I still liked them. It was always a conscious decision on my part.

“Liv,” Oli’s raspy, sleep colored voice said. I turned and looked at him, placing a finger over my mouth to shush him. The entire bus was asleep still, it was only seven in the morning. “What’re yeh doin’?”

“I can’t sleep,” I said, swinging my legs out of the bunk and standing. My back popped as I stretched and I pulled my underwear out of my ass. My entire body was wired; I’d popped six caffeine pills the previous night.

Matt had promised it would be fun and that, since it was legal, it would be relatively safe. I hadn’t realized that after everyone else passed out drunk, I’d be walking around the bus aimlessly. Oli followed me, holding his head and groaning.

“Yeh wanna go and get somethin’ for breakfast then?” he asked. I pulled on a pair of yoga pants and slipped on flip flops. I turned to him.

“Nah, I’m just gonna walk. Go back to bed babe.”

“I’ll walk with yeh then Liv, let’s go.”

“You’re probably exhausted, just go to sleep,” I insisted. He ignored me, pulling on jeans and forgoing a shirt, looking at me expectantly. I sighed and wrapped our fingers together, pulling him towards the exit of the bus.

Sheep was already off of the bus joining the general commotion that was going on. It never occurred to me how early the vendors and crew had to wake up. We wandered about the grass, watching diligently as stages went up.

We found Jesse and Sam constructing the tent in front of us. I immediately began to help them as Oli dropped into the grass at our feet. I was still waiting for my crash. I helped them hang clothes on their hangers and spread accessories on the table they had set up. Oliver slept lightly in the sun.

I sat in a chair behind the table, Sam’s fingers braiding my hair. Jesse fiddled around with the clothes and posters outside of the tent. Sam hummed quietly as the sound of hundreds of people speaking buzzed from far away.

“Do you always have to wake up this early?” I asked.

“Usually. We got up earlier today because Jesse set his iPhone weird or some shit,” she explained, snorting. “He’s an idiot.”

“You two dated?”

“Yep, and unfortunately we ended up with the same job.”

Her struggle was monumental. You’d have to be stupid to give up touring and working for Drop Dead but she still had to work with an ex. I grinned and shook my head lightly.

“You two still love each other or is it like, definitely over?”

“Oh, we’ll be dating again before the end of this week,” she said matter-of-factly. Despite her hands in my hair I whipped around to look at her. She smiled sheepishly and then shrugged.

“Ugh, you two are so adorable together. I can only imagine the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing is ten times cuter,” I flailed to myself. She smiled and then patted my shoulder to get me to turn around again.

“Well thanks I guess, but shut up because he doesn’t know!” she scolded me quietly. I let her braid my hair in silence and when she finished, she untied it all and started working on a more complicated braid.

Jesse dropped down next to Oli and we laughed as he attempted to hold my boyfriend’s hand. I flipped through Facebook on my Blackberry, declining the multiple new friend requests I was receiving. Most of them were young fans of Bring Me The Horizon but I recognized rock journalists among them too.

My phone jingled in my hand and then vibrated, signaling a phone call. I groaned when I saw it was from my mother. I stood up and smiled apologetically at Sam as I walked away to answer the phone.

“Hi Mom.”

“Hello Olivia, how’s your trip?” she asked briskly. I could tell that she was on speaker phone and in traffic, probably on her way to New York City for some kind of meeting. She usually worked from home.

“It’s good, a lot of fun. How are you?” I asked politely, hoping to keep everything on the ups. When she’d found out I lost my job as Mia’s nanny and then found a job working for my boyfriend’s clothing company, she’d done some research. Now that she knew who Oli was from the Internet, meeting him would be an issue.

“I’m well. I wanted to discuss when you would be dropping by and when you’d be staying with your…boyfriend.”

“Well um, hold on a sec,” I rolled my eyes and looked through the calendar on my phone, “We’re currently in Glendale, Arizona. I figured that when we hit Scranton on July 18 Oli and I would take the drive over since it’s only an hour and that I could stay until the 22nd and meet up with them in Connecticut that night.”

She was quiet for a while and I assumed she was typing this all into her phone. My head started to ache steadily and my eyes felt dry. I was ready to sleep.

“Okay well, I was thinking that since Oliver is a vegetarian I could just make dinner instead of us all going out. Will he be spending the night?”

“I guess so, we’ll probably be there around seven since they’re moving their set into the afternoon to accommodate the trip. He’ll probably leave the next morning.”

“Alright, I’ll have the guest room in order then. I have a meeting; I’ll email you about details soon.”

The phone call was over and I was left in the sun, rubbing my temples. She would be emailing me with recipes and menu ideas and probably what color underwear she’d like me to wear. I was wary of the fact that she knew my boyfriend was a vegetarian and I vaguely realized that she’d know everything about his altercations as far as the rumor of him pissing on someone and his party reputation.

“Oliver,” I said loudly, nudging him with my foot. He grunted and looked up at me with bleary eyes. Jesse and Sam bickered good naturedly under the tent. “Let’s go; I’m ready to sleep.”

He sprang up and we waved goodbye to our friends. We walked quietly and made it back to the area the buses were in as soon as gates opened. At this point, many people were awake and moving. Oli grabbed my wrist.

“Are yeh okay?”

“My mom called and set up our meeting with her or whatever. You know how she is to handle,” I explained. He nodded and we continued walking. On the bus, Jona and Kelly were up, popping Aspirin and chugging water.

I undressed quickly and slid into the bunk, my head pounding. Oli got in next to me, curling into me as my big spoon and placing gentle kisses on my neck. I sighed contently as I shut my eyes.

“Will your mum hate me?” he asked quietly.

“My mom hates a lot of people and seeing as she’s already read every blog on the Internet that trashes you, you have tattoos, and you’re not a doctor or a lawyer, she’s probably not gonna be the most pleasant woman you’ve ever dealt with.”

“I’m real excited,” he said sarcastically. I laughed and turned over in his arms, tracing his neck tattoos with a finger. “Her opinion isn’t gonna make yeh hate me, right?”

“Never; my mom is nothing like yours. She had my future planned out before I was even born and she’s just upset that I never followed it. My dad’s the parent who matters and he’s so easy going he’ll probably love you,” I explained.

“Well, he better because I’ll be right upset if I lose yeh over somethin’ stupid like that,” he said, kissing my forehead. I sighed, shutting my eyes and letting my body ease into sleep.

*

When I woke up, my head felt a lot clearer even though my tongue begged for water. The bus was empty when I strolled through it to the small fridge. I chugged my way through three water bottles before the coldness caught up with my brain and it screamed for me to stop.

My hair was knotted from the half-braid I’d slept with and my back had an ache through it. I brushed out my hair and put it into a ponytail. I pulled my legs into skinny jeans and a Drop Dead t-shirt before venturing out into the world.

It was dark outside but I could still hear music playing. It occurred to me that I should check my phone so I retreated back onto the bus to find it. The clock read 8:05 and I realized that I had definitely missed the band’s set.

There were a few texts from Oli and Becca, telling me that they were going out for drinks after the set and to just talk to Sam if I wanted to join. I didn’t though and I walked around, mingling in between kids who were talking and laughing with their friends.

“Liv!”

I turned at the sound of my name. A girl with bright red hair, obviously self dyed, stood before me. I smiled unsurely as she nervously looked through her bag. I bit my lip and then cocked my head.

“Um, I was just hoping that uh, you could give this to the band for me? I didn’t get a chance to meet them today and it’s really important to me that they get it,” she said, holding out a small, crumpled square of loose leaf.

I took it from her, surprised at its thickness. “Of course I will! I feel so bad, my god, they’re out to eat right now but I would have brought you to them!”

“It’s okay, there’s always next time. Would you mind if I got a picture though?” she asked. I nodded and posed next to her, smiling as the flash from her camera went off. “Thank you so much!”

“It’s no problem at all! Have a safe trip,” I said as she walked back to her friends. I watched them walk away, checking the camera for the picture. I looked down at the note and then up and around at the crowd.

I went back to the bus. There was still no one there and I assumed they were all gone anyway. I sat on the small couch and turned on the overhead light. I felt bad but curiosity took over. I read through the note, becoming engrossed.

I was left on the verge of tears. The girl, Alexis, had been through obvious hell. She’d been teased and picked on throughout middle school and high school. In her junior and senior year it had accelerated quickly to violence when an ex-girlfriend made it known that she was bisexual.

While dealing with all of this she also dealt with the death of her grandmother and her mom’s relapse into a battle with anorexia. She struggled in school and failed to get into the college of her dreams. She instead settled for a community college.

When she went to see Bring Me The Horizon a few months before Warped, before I’d even moved to England, she met Jona and Oli. Both had kind words of inspiration for her. She had graduated and found the strength to stand up for herself because of them and their music.

I folded the note and rubbed at my eyes. Oli and the rest of the band received a few letters like this every day. It amazed me that someone I was so close to had such an enormous impact on so many people. I tucked my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on them.

I wanted Oli to come back.