Hello Sheffield

Writers are liars. We’re all god damn liars. We walk around like we know everything—we know nothing. We make up these stories that spout happiness and romantics like we know what we’re talking about. We don’t know what the fuck we’re talking about. We’re just good-for-nothing liars.

Its okay, I’ve come to terms. Besides, I’m a good liar.

I don’t know how these thoughts came to occupy my brain but they were there. I chuckled at my own pessimism and finished my list of things to do for the next day. I went to hang it on the refrigerator but realized I had no magnets. Instead, it was placed in front of the coffee maker.

The doorbell rang and I jumped, not expecting it. Of course I knew that I was going to dinner with Oli, and Tom, but I had momentarily forgotten, something I had been trying for all day. I walked briskly to the door, my ballet flats hardly touching the floor.

I had decided on grey skinny jeans and a grey t-shirt proclaiming, ‘You can’t break my heart’ with an oversized turquoise cardigan. I grabbed my bag off of the newly placed table and glanced in the mirror above it. My hair was pin straight and my make up was light and natural. I breathed in and out definitively and opened the door to reveal Oli.

He grinned awkwardly, his hands shoved in his pockets. I noticed a car running at the street. “Yeh readeh?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. “Lead the way,” I stated, checking the lock before I slammed the door shut. “Yeh look real nice,” he complimented. I blushed slightly and thanked him.

He opened the back door for me and I thanked him again before sliding in to see a smiling Tom. “‘Ello Liv. Haven’t seen yeh in foreva,” he said. “It’s been ages!” I exclaimed. It was only then that I realized the man sitting in the driver’s seat. I recognized him as the drummer of Bring Me The Horizon and smiled.

“I haven’t met you yet,” I said, causing him to turn and look at me. “I’m Liv, the weird girl that Oli found at the store.” I grinned at him. He smiled. “I’m Matty and I’ve alreadeh heard so much about yeh that yeh’re practically my best friend,” he said, winking as Oli slapped his arm. I smiled and shook my head.

“Yeh’re making me sound like a stalker!” Oli scolded as we pulled away from the curb.

“Mate,” Matty started, looking over at his friend, “Yeh’re borderline.”

“She’s in the fucking car! Yeh could save it!” Oli shouted, moving his hands animatedly.

I felt really awkward. Looking down at my knees with an intense blush on my face, I chuckled. It should probably creep me out that he was seemingly obsessed with me but I thought it was kind of cute.

“It’s okay,” I piped up, “I think it’s kind of cute.” Tom grinned at me. Oli grumbled something under his breath about an image to upkeep and I winked at Tom. “Do yeh like vegetarian food by any chance?” Tom asked. I shrugged. “Yeah, my mom and a few of my friends were veg’s so I’m used to it.”

“Good because we’ve got a vegetarian restaurant with our names on it,” he said cheerfully. I grinned and glanced out the window as Matty and Oliver chatted distantly about someone I didn’t know. I suddenly felt awkward and nervous, as if this was a car I did not belong in.

This was how it always was though, wasn’t it? Making new friends always started like this. You didn’t know anything about each other, so when that person talked about someone named Sheep, I had no idea who the fuck that was. I sat quietly and awkwardly, staring out the window and around the shitty car.

“Oh, Sheep is our manager Liv, I don’t think yeh would know,” Oli said. There it was, finally a little insight. It made sense since they were talking about deadlines. “Oh okay. That makes sense,” I said, biting my lip and smiling hesitantly at Matty through the mirror.

The rest of the way was mainly quiet. There was mostly chatter about the weather and plans for the upcoming week. I was disheartened to learn that Tom and Oli were, as they said, “going on a short holiday.” I clicked my tongue at this.

“What are yeh doin’ this week Liv?” Matty asked me, glancing in the rearview mirror again. I shrugged. “Painting, unpacking, and familiarizing myself with this new territory.” He laughed and found a parking spot next to an organic looking restaurant.

“Maybeh I could help yeh out a bit,” he suggested. I nodded and removed my seat belt. “That would be great.”

We walked into the restaurant, which was surprisingly large and very modern, and Oli and Tom were greeted by their first names. For a quick moment I felt like I would be seeing rather a lot of this place but I stamped it down quickly. You never count your chickens before they hatch. We were seated at a cozy, but private, table and left four menus. Tom and Matt sat across from me and Oli. I noticed the screamer’s unnecessary haste to sit near me.

I glanced over it and decided on the eggplant lasagna almost instantaneously. It was my usual when I frequented these herbivore restaurants. I put the menu down and pulled my Blackberry out of my purse, checking my messages. I had two from my best friend Emily; one claimed that I had forgotten her, the other, in response to my excuse that I had been hanging out with Oli Sykes, was a mess of letters, numbers and curse words.

I grinned and typed back quickly, thanking her for being a vegetarian and placed the phone in my lap, looking back up at Tom and Matty who were both across from me and, creepily, staring at me. My eyebrows crinkled and I made a face before turning to Oli, who was at my side.

“Are they always this weird?” I asked, suppressing a smile. He looked at me and then over at his friend and brother. “Eh, they’re usually a bit stranger than this. Yeh’ll get used to it,” he said, shrugging.

I didn’t shrug or brush off the statement. I, Liv Marshall, would get used to how out of the ordinary Oli Sykes’ friends were. As in, I would be sticking around to see them do strange, absolutely bizarre shit. I looked at him with what was definitely some awed look and glanced down at my red nails.

“‘Ello, I’m Laura. I’ll be servin’ yehs tonight. Do yeh know what yeh’d like?” We ordered quickly since it seemed I wasn’t the only one with a usual. She assured us that the food would be done quickly and that she would bring us our drinks immediately. It was warm in the restaurant so I pushed my sleeves up a little bit.

“So yeh just moved ‘ere from the States, right?” Matty asked. I nodded. “Yeah, I’m from New York, but not the city just some stupid upstate town,” I elaborated. Laura placed our drinks on the table and then departed. “I decided to move here a few months ago,” I added, not revealing the circumstances in which I had picked where to go and why I left when I did. I reached out to grab my water when my arm was stopped by Oli grabbing my wrist.

“Do I spy a little bit of ink there?” he asked, a playful smirk on his lips. I smirked back at him, though it was lame in comparison. “Just ‘cause ya can’t see it, doesn’t mean I don’t have it,” I chastised gently, placing my wrists together. “This was the first tattoo I ever got,” I said, showing Tom and Matty, “It’s for my older brother.”

“Your older brother?” Tom asked. I gazed down at the black script that said ‘always alive’. I nodded sadly. “He died when I was ten, in a car accident.”
There were murmurs of apologies from the three boys. “Yeh got anymore?” Tom asked with an eager grin. I smiled and nodded, standing up to show them off. I was very proud of my tattoos.

“This one,” I lifted my shirt and revealed the side of my hip, “Is dedicated to my friend Juan, who killed himself in our junior year of high school. Our parents always said we were joined at the hip, so that’s where he lives.” I ran my finger over the script of his name.
Then I turned to face them, my shirt still raised slightly. “A diamond,” I said, tracing the ink near my right hip bone, “Mostly because we will never sleep, ‘cause sleep is for the weak.” I winked. So I had gotten a Bring Me the Horizon tattoo, shoot me. The boys looked impressed at that one, Oli looked blown away.

“Are you serious? Fuck, that is so fucking cool!” he exclaimed, a large goofy smile on his face. “Fuckin’ brilliant,” Matty agreed, “Everyone needs to see it.” I smiled back at them and turned to my side again, lifting the t-shirt even farther up, almost revealing the bra I was wearing.

“Don’t be so flattered, I have a Fall Out Boy tattoo as well.” I showed the lyric from the old song. “And when it all goes to hell,” Oli said out loud. I nodded my head. “Don’t ask why. It just is.” I dropped my shirt and turned my back to them, lifting my hair. I pointed to a spot in my neck.

They were looking at a grey cloud with lightning coming out from under it and a sun blooming from the top. “Because I’m a rain cloud of doom with a nice side.” They chuckled at that one. I slipped off my left shoe and lifted my foot. “Mind your feet; it’s a quote from the Lord of the Rings.”

I sat again, pulling the cardigan off a little bit and showed them the final tattoo. “This is my newest one,” I told them. In neat print were the words, ‘alone but not lonely’ on the inside of my upper arm. “I have another here,” I gestured to the side of my heart, “It’s a spell from Harry Potter, expecto patronum, it protects those who use it against dementors, creatures that suck the happiness from you. This spell protects my heart.”

I smiled at the bewildered looking boys. “What?” I asked, shrugging animatedly. “Neva figured yeh to be one o’ them birds that has tats,” Tom said. “I think it’s bloody awesome,” Oli commented. I felt awkward but accepted the comments. I reached for the water and successfully got to drink it this time.

“So you said you were going away for a few days,” I said, “Where are you going?” Oli smirked. “Yeh gonna miss me?” he asked playfully. I grinned and placed my hand on his on the table. “I might go insane just from the thought of you leaving,” I acted, wiping an imaginary tear from my eye.

“It’ll be alright, I promise,” he said, pinching my cheek gently. I rolled my eyes and leaned away from him, laughing lightly. “We’re visiting our old aunt in London. She’s decrepit and our mum wants to be in the will, though if Oli shows up I’m sure we’ll be out of it,” Tom answered. Oliver glared at his sibling.

“The old bat is so blind she won’t be able to see my damn tattoos.” “What a lovely way to talk about your aunt,” I scoffed. He shrugged. “Wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true.”

I looked over at him with a skeptical glance and he just grinned. I rolled my eyes and looked back down at my phone as it buzzed. I laughed out loud at the message, Your damn welcome. Fuck, Oli Sykes. Your obligated to tell me about the sex, k? I dropped my head into my hands and convulsed in laughter.

“What’s so funneh?” Matty asked. I couldn’t answer even if I wanted to and trust me, I did not want to. So when Oli snatched my phone in order to clear up both his and the guys’ confusion, it wasn’t funny anymore. I sobered up immediately and snapped my attention to him.

“Oli, hand it over,” I said sternly. He held it out of my reach when I lunged for it. I glared at him.

“Oliver,” I warned. He only smirked at me and started to unlock the phone. I regretted never using a lock code on it.

“Oliver fucking Sykes,” I growled, ready to murder. If he saw that, I would die of embarrassment. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I glared back at him.

“That was a bit sexy but definitely not intimidating,” he said, smirking with a suggestive wink. I felt my cheeks turn a bright pink but set a determined look on my face. I lunged again for my Blackberry but he easily brushed me aside and, to my intense embarrassment, read the message.

He looked at me through his hair, his eyes wide. The smirk was back and I never hated it more. He handed the device over to Matt and Tom leaned over to read it as well. They started laughing as they read what Emily had said.

“Oh bloody hell,” Tom said, “Bad mental images.”

I grimaced and looked down at my fingernails. I looked back up at Oli and tucked my hair behind my ear. Oh, the awkwardness. I stared at Oliver. The look in his eye was mischievous at best, and sexual at worst. Not that I wouldmind having—what the fuck, I need to stop.

“You’re having sex with me in your mind right now, aren’t you?” He nodded and I groaned, dropping my head into my hands. “I think I might just die.” Tom and Matt were giggling across from me and who knows what Oli was doing. The waitress came back and I leaned back from the table.

Oliver handed me my phone back and I shoved it in my purse, red faced. My food was placed in front of me and I looked up and smiled at her as she put it down. Finally I had something to get my mind off of this horrible feeling. I started to eat quickly, needing something to do with my hands.

“Tha’ was awkward,” Tom stated.
“My life is awkward,” I said, when I finished chewing.

“My life is sexual,” Oli said. I looked over at him and raised an eyebrow.

“Oliver.”

“Olivia.”

I sighed and continued to eat, ignoring the attractive boy beside me. Matty complained loudly about his apartment’s heat being busted. Apparently he had come home and it had been negative one thousand three hundred and seven within the apartment. I highly doubted this but chuckled anyway. He had then called his manager who had been unable to explain why only his apartment seemed to be so Antarctic.

“It’s like the fuckin’ tundra in there, I swear!” he exclaimed, lifting his arms to the heavens.

“If you want you could spend the night at my house. I have a small futon in my office. It’s not much but at least I don’t have penguins moving in,” I offered, smiling.

He looked slightly amazed with his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open. Maybe it was abnormal for people to offer strangers a room in their house. I wasn’t normal though, so it was okay.

“Then tomorrow you can show me where to get paint, and groceries.”

“Yeh’re a life saver Liv! I’m in love with yeh, oh it’s so cold in my apartment,” he said, beaming at me. I shook my head.

“Yeh don’t even know him though,” Oliver said quietly.

“You don’t know me and I’m sitting here eating dinner with you.”

“It’s different, but Matty’s a good guy. Yeh’ll be alright.”

“Yeh’re actin’ like I’m gonna kill her. I swear I won’t make a move Ols,” Matty said. Oliver glared over at him.

“Yeh’re not funny.”

“You guys are so awkward,” I said.

“They are awkward,” Tom agreed.

Matt and Oliver fought playfully while Tom and I finished eating. When Laura passed again I asked for separate checks. She came back quickly and I passed them out silently. I reached in my purse and noticed my phone lighting up. I turned to see the screen and the pit of my stomach filled with dread.

Talking to my mother wasn’t always this fear-inducing. Usually I was brave and nonchalant when I needed to speak with her.

My mother was neither nice nor rude. She was absolutely not the usual rich, stuck up bitch that was the case in most cliché fairytales. She was a vegetarian and believed fervently in the Catholic church.

She did not wear high end clothing, though she always dressed nicely, nor did she keep her hair and nails salon done, which is not to say they weren’t kept neat and tidy. My mother was not flawless or without wrinkles. Her face was not fake in anyway. Her dark brown hair was long and wavy and her eyes sometimes had a look of kindness, though that was a rare sight.

She was not kind, or compassionate, or interested in anything I was. She had very clear ideas on what a child should be—ideas that were the exact opposite of what I am. I was supposed to be the doctor. My older sister is a lawyer now and my brother would have been in the army before launching his political career. Instead, I went to a liberal arts college in Chicago and got my degree in English Writing.

My mom never supported me in any of my ventures except moving to England. I had a sneaking suspicion she wanted to forget that I existed. After Robbie died, that was when she got so cold. She had never been the model mother but she was worse after the accident. She no longer cared for my creativity and free spirit.

“Hi Mom,” I said into my Blackberry, smiling apologetically at the boys and walking away from the table.

“Olivia Marshall you haven’t called me.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been busy. I made a few friends and they helped me move furniture today and I’m just finishing dinner now.”

“Excuses,” she snipped, “I’m sure you’re friends are the same type of miscreants you were friends with here.” Her disapproval washed over me.

“My friends are lovely people Mom, unlike you. To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?” I retorted, letting dislike color my tone.

“Contrary to your beliefs, I do have some feelings and was concerned as to why my daughter, who just left the country, wasn’t calling me,” she replied coolly.
“Well, I’m fine; in ship shape, actually.”

“The house and furniture are in order?” she asked professionally.

“Yes, everything is perfect,” I said truthfully, my chest swelling with pride.

“Well I suppose I’ll let you get back to your lovely friends then. I wouldn’t want you to miss a single moment with them since I’ve held you back so much apparently,” she said. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“Good-bye Mom,” I said to the dial tone.

I hung up and wandered back to the table. I sat down in a huff, frustrated from the phone call. My mom always pushed me to my limits with her antics. She used everything against me. It was like fighting a war against her most of the time. I learned that brute rebellion didn’t work, while diplomacy prevailed.

“Took the liberteh of payin’ yeh’re check while yeh were speakin’ with yeh’re mum,” Oli told me. I looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. He smiled at me crookedly and I felt my heart push into overdrive. I tried my best to ignore the feeling that threatened to overwhelm me.

“You didn’t have to do that,” I scolded, “But it was nice so thank you.” I smiled sweetly at him and threw my phone back into my bag. I sighed and rested my chin on my hand and rested my elbow on the table, staring out at the restaurant. There were quite a few people here.

“Yeh ready teh go then?” Tom asked. We all agreed and got up, trudging out of the place silently. I felt awkward, like they’d been talking about me while I’d been on the phone with my ‘mum’. Maybe they were. I didn’t really care.

“I’ll drop yeh off at yeh’re place and then these bums,” Matty said, gesturing to Tom and Oli, “Then I’ll get my things and show up ‘round yeh’re place? It’s awful nice of yeh to be doin’ this for meh.”

“Sounds good to me and don’t mention it, please, it’s no problem at all.”

“We are not bums!” Tom said with an offended air, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting. I laughed and stretched my arm around his shoulders. He wrapped an arm around my waist as we walked out to the car, laughing at an increasingly harder ferocity.

“Stop being in denial Tom. You are indeed, a bum!” I shouted, collapsing into his side with giggles. I wasn’t sure why this was so funny but clutching this cute English boy in laughter made me feel so carefree and it erased all my worries and frustrations.

Now this was my story.

I flew into the car, rolling in the seat with laughter. I was absently aware that Tom was beside me, choking on his own silent peals. Oli and Matt probably thought I was crazy but for some reason, they chuckled too. This was beautiful. For once in my life, I felt complete, even after speaking with my mother.

I finally calmed my shaking body as we were speeding down a crowded roadway. I took in deep breaths and soothed my aching cheeks with my fingers. Tom lay in the seat next to me at an odd angle, a dazed look in his eyes and a smile glazed over his features. My stomach hurt but in the best way possible.

“Oi Matty, I believe they’re done laughin’ now,” Oli said, glancing into the backseat. I giggled once more and fell silent, thinking. I thought a lot. Now I was thinking about Oliver and how thin he was.

“Oli, you’re really thin,” I blurted randomly.

“So are you.”

“I like it. That you’re really thin, I mean. Not like I have anything against fat people ‘cause my dad’s fat but yeah,” I rambled, not sure where I was going with this. It was as if I was drunk, but I wasn’t. He laughed.

“Well, I like that you’re really thin too then,” he said breathlessly, turning in his seat and staring at me for a moment.

I liked boys with brown eyes. There was that one guy in my sophomore year named Nick. He was a complete tool bag but he was also adorable and he had brown eyes. So did Matt Burke and Dean and Andrew and Ryan. That was weird.

We pulled up to my house only a few minutes after I realized my obsession with brown eyed boys. It stung a bit still, thinking of Ryan. He had been a bit rude but I had recovered, like I always did. I tousled my straight hair and placed my hand to get out of the car.

“Bye Tom, I’ll be seeing you,” I said, smiling at him. He laughed and smiled back, assuring me he would text me or something.

“I’ll see you in a few,” I directed towards Matty who nodded his head.

“I’ll walk you up,” Oli said, getting out in perfect unison with me. I felt the blush on my cheeks but didn’t protest. We walked up the walkway side by side in silence. Our feet made a crunching sound against the stones that made up my path. We reached the door quickly.

“This was fun,” Oli said. I nodded in agreement and smiled a small smile.

“We should do it again sometime,” I said absently, staring at the darkening sky. The stars were only just starting to shine through.

“Yeah we should,” he said gently, “We should hang out, yeh know?”

I nodded. “I know.”

He hugged me then and my thin body was crushed against his thin body. So I hugged him back and let my head rest on his shoulders. It was probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my whole life, honestly. I’m not just saying that either.

“Take care of yerself. ‘Specially with that hooligan in the car, he likes to find trouble he does.” I grinned and leaned back, still keeping my arms around his waist.

“It’s nice that you’re so concerned Oliver, but I believe I can manage.”

“Oh bloody hell,” he groaned, rolling his head back. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, loosening my grip on him altogether.

“What?” I asked.

“I’m Oli fucking Sykes, infamous bad ass and you’ve got me goin’ all soft. Oh, dammit,” he cursed, releasing me from his embrace. I laughed. This was only making him even more adorable.

“I’ll keep an eye on Matty and myself, two when I can spare them, promise.” He grinned. “And have fun with your ancient, wealthy aunt. I’m sure you’ll be fully entertained.”

“Yeah, ‘m sure as well,” he mumbled.

“I’m gonna go inside now.”

“Well I’ve made enough of an arse of myself I suppose.”

“You have,” I giggled.

He stepped off the porch and back onto the stone walkway. I stood there and watched him look at me carefully. He stared straight into my eyes, his brown eyes stared into my very soul and I was so sure he was seeing my inner secrets. Then he looked away and shrugged.

“Bye Liv,” he whispered, walking away from me. I stared at his retreating form until he got to the car. I wanted to laugh and cry. I felt strange and melancholy and just exuberant. I fumbled with my door.

This was my story now.