A Photograph of You & I

"Aina, seriously, get out of that bed now before I throw you out of it!" Bam threatened for the umpteenth time this afternoon. I looked at him wearily and then returned to staring at the ceiling. He threw his arms up and cursed, as he'd done every other time he'd ordered me to stop moping.

But I couldn't stop myself. Even if I wanted to.

It had been four days since Raab and Ryan had dropped Ville off at the apartment he shared with Jonna. Four days since he had promised me he'd be back with me as soon as humanly possible. It had also been four days since Jonna had vacated the apartment.

I didn't want to believe that Ville could be capable of blatantly declaring his love for me and then leaving me less than an hour later. It didn't seem within character, but neither did anything I'd seen from him in the past few weeks. Maybe I didn't really know him at all anymore. Maybe I was just in love with the person I remembered him as.

I tried again, in vain, to dispel these thoughts from my mind but it seemed quite impossible and I feared that I might drown in my own despair. I felt Bam sigh beside me from where he had apparently been watching me. He climbed in on the other side of my bed and pulled me close to him.

"Aina please, I can't stand to see you like this...I'm so sorry I pushed this on you. You were right, I should have left the two of you alone..." Bam pleaded in my ear. I nodded once, to show him that I agreed with him, but didn't push the issue. I didn't want to talk; I just wanted to lie here...

Bam's phone vibrated in his pocket and he slid a hand in his jeans to pull it out. He looked at the screen for a split second and then answered in a muted voice.

"Anything?" He asked without greeting the person on the other end. I heard a mumble on the other line but nothing definitive. Ville had been missing four days now, Bam had asked everyone he had a connection with to keep an eye out for him -- not only for me but because, despite their fight that they had yet to make up from, Ville was Bam's best friend and idol, and nothing would stand in the way of that.

"Estonia? What the fuck..." Bam murmured as he jumped away from me and walked into the other room quickly before I could gain any other information from the conversation. He cast me an apologetic glance before he rounded the corner. I sighed.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that I looked absolutely hideous judging by the crumpled reflection in the mirror. My four day old eyeliner and mascara was completely streaked and smudged around my eyes and my hair was practically one giant knot. My eyes were red from crying and the purpleish bags beneath my eyes were beginning to make me look like I was about to die.

God knew I wanted to in that moment, no matter how melodramatic I sounded.

I barely glanced away from my reflection when Bam walked back in the room a few moments later. He looked torn between wanting to go off on someone and wanting to comfort me. He settled for the latter and settled himself in front of me.

"Jussi from the 69 Eyes called Dunn," he began. "Ville's been in Estonia for the past few days, they found him passed out last night in a bar."

My eyebrows knitted together. The fact that Ville was in Estonia was troubling, the fact that he was drinking himself to the point of blacking out was plain disturbing.

"Raab and Dunn are on their way here with Novak. We're gonna go out to meet the Eyes in Estonia, you're welcome to come with us if you want," he said running a hand over my hair. "But I'd suggest a shower first."

Without hesitation I replied. "I'm not going."

Bam threw his hands up in the air, his frustration shining through. "What the fuck Aina! These games with the two of you is getting tiring! I'll just tell the guys to fucking forget it then, Ville can come back here on his own!"

I sighed heavily. "I have things to do here, Bam. I have a job and bills that need to get paid."

"A job that hasn't mattered for the past few days so they probably fired you," he answered pointedly. "And if you think for a second that I wouldn't help you out then you're an idiot."

"I don't need anyone's help," I replied stubbornly as I shot up to look him in the eye. "And furthermore, if I did get fired, wouldn't it be productive to work on a new job?"

"I knew you were fucking afraid of him! I fucking knew it! You're jerking him around and playing sick games with both of your emotions and I'm not going to sit around and watch it anymore Aina!"

I had never seen Bam this enraged and while I was shocked by it, I was equally angered by it. "How dare you?" I spat, standing for what felt like the first time in weeks and standing directly in front of him. "Of course I'm fucking afraid, Bam! I'm in love with him and he's broken me more than anyone else could dream about! And now he's gone and run off! But if you think for a single fucking second that I'm going to argue motives with you then you can get the fuck out, go home to mommy, and I'll go fucking find him my fucking self!"

For a second I thought about counting the number of times I swore without taking a breath but in my frustration, I ignored the fleeting idea, and stomped into the bathroom to take a shower.

As soon as I stepped in the hot water, I realized something that I hadn't while I'd stormed out.

Bam had been grinning wickedly as soon as I told him that I'd go find Ville myself. I'd fallen right into his trap.

"Damn!" I shouted slamming my hand against the shower wall. I could have sworn I heard Bam's roar of laughter from the other room.

Ville's P.O.V

I woke up in an unfamiliar room with a blistering headache and the intense need to throw up the contents of my stomach. I pressed my hand to my stomach to try and tame it but it snarled at the very thought and I felt the bile rise up in my throat just in time to lean over the side of the bed and hurl into the bucket that had been conveniently left for me.

Someone obviously knew more about what I'd done last night than I did. I groaned and rolled over, staring at the ceiling and not caring for a moment that I had no idea where I was and who was watching over me. I didn't care about anything. Well...that wasn't true. I cared for Aina. I cared for my band and my friends and my family...but I felt sort of empty.

The blow of Jonna's lie had hit me harder than I could have possibly imagined. Without realizing it, I'd been excited about the thought of a child, despite the fact that I didn't love it's mother. I wanted it, even if I didn't want her and now that I was informed of the fact that it had never existed...well...it hurt.

Running away from that obviously hadn't been the answer, however.

With a sigh I looked to my right and wished that Aina was here next to me, lying in this insanely comfortable bed with that angelic look on her face as she slept. I wanted to watch her eyelids flutter open as she woke up and I wanted to watch the small smile creep across her face in greeting.

"No, Bam. He's still sleeping," A voice said outside my room. I raised an eyebrow, knowing the owner of the voice almost immediately.

"No I'm not Jussi," I called out as loud as I could manage. As soon as I spoke the rawness in my throat hit me like a ton of bricks and I reached out for the water bottle that had been left graciously next to my bed.

Jussi, of the 69 Eyes, quietly opened the door and poked his head through. His hair hadn't been done yet so it was still in partial disarray from the night before as well as partially slept on. I might have laughed at the sight if I knew for a fact that the action wouldn't make me throw up. He offered me a wink and continued talking to Bam.

"Yeah he is up actually," he paused and smirked at the yelling on the other line. "No, Bam. If you speak to him now, I guarantee that his headache will be ten times worse. Yeah, whatever. We'll see you later tonight."

He flipped his cell phone shut and tossed it to me. "You look like hell."

I rolled my eyes, which hurt terribly, and nodded lightly to him. "You don't look all that wonderful either, princess."

He laughed at that and fluffed his hair. "It's not easy to be beautiful all the time Vil."

"Why'd you throw me this?" I asked gesturing to the phone.

His grin faded from his face and the twinkle left his eye. "Bam said that your girl is messed up right now." I started, worried about the term 'messed up,' but he quickly held his hands up to stop me from freaking out.

"Wait, don't tweak. She's fine, physically and everything. She's just been really...depressed since you left. According to Bam anyway. She thinks you've run from her not...whatever it is you're trying to escape."

I almost smacked my hand to my forehead but stopped myself. I should have known that Aina would have taken my leaving as a sign that I didn't want her. Especially after everything that had happened. Hell, no one even knew why I left, I didn't explain to anyone. Even I might have drawn that conclusion had I not known the reasoning.

"Shit." I muttered finally, taking the phone in my hand and staring it down.

"Bam's going to be here tonight with Dunn and Raab," Jussi told me as he returned to the doorway. I hadn't even noticed him leave. He tossed me a white pill bottle and continued as I opened it.

"He's going to be bringing her with him, as long as he can convince her. But knowing Bam he'll convince her or force her...so either way..."

I popped two of the asprin and took a swig of water to chase it. "She's going to kill me," I murmured slowly.

"Nah, I'm sure you had good enough reason to take off. She might kill you for not having called anyone in days to let them know you're alive, however..."

I glanced down at the phone in my hands. "I should probably save the conversation for when she gets here..."

He laughed. "Your funeral."