Breaking the Hold

It’s been four days since Brian was released from solitary confinement. They knew he really wouldn’t kill anyone, but I guess when you live in a building full of crazies you can never be too careful. Brian had mellowed out and released early on good behavior. I liked to think most of it was my doing, but who really knew. It was probably the bipolar medicine they forced him to take every morning to even out his moods.

It had also been three days since I last slept at all, something that was wearing me down quickly. My eyes burned and every muscle ached. My migraine seemed immune to Brian’s constant rubbing and kisses. Not even medicine could take it away. I didn’t even bother lying in bed anymore, because that’s when the shadows took over and I had nightmares with my eyes open.

“Hey.” Brian said as he let himself into our room.

I smiled half heartedly up at him and went back to crisping up some of the lines around the pair of 3-D glasses Jimmy had insisted I draw on a giraffe as a present for Johnny who apparently had a bad case of the stomach flu. I took him up on it to try and forget how tired I was. Jimmy was currently in the bathroom helping put cool washcloths on his forehead in between bouts of puking.

I heard the soft padding of Brian’s feet against the carpet as he walked up behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin atop my head. I leaned back into his touch, my stomach fluttering. I tilted my head all the way back to look up at him. My head throbbed and I winced. He looked worn, the lines around his mouth more prominent, and the bag around his eyes a little darker.

“Long day?” I asked, stifling a yawn.

He nodded, looking out the window above my desk for a while he pondered. And then as if he suddenly remembered where he was he looked down and kissed me Spider Man style. The kiss was sweet, gentle, like he was afraid to break me. This side of Brian was rare, although it was coming out more and more. I knew this was the real him, not the drugged up him.

His lips were chapped slightly, but warm, and molded against my own perfectly. He ran his fingers though my hair and trailed them down to cup my cheek.

“You look awful.”

“I feel awful.”

He frowned at me. “You know, Dr. Morrow did give you those pills…”

“Brian, you know I refuse to use pills to get me though day to day.” I said tiredly.

We had been over this countless times these past few days. I know Brian just wanted me healthy, but I couldn’t force myself to go that low. Not yet anyway. I didn’t want to be a pill popping junkie. I didn’t want my want to become a need. Brian’s frown deepened but he didn’t say anything further. Jimmy walked in and sighed, walking over to his closet and peeling off his shirt

“Let’s eat.” He announced pulling on another shirt.

“Did something happen?” I asked, motioning to the shirt laying discarded on the floor. Jimmy eyed it and made a noise of frustration.

“Johnny fucking puked on it.” He gave it a rough kick. I tried to look sympathetic at the perfectly clean shirt while Brian buried his face in my hair once again and started to rub my shoulders. Jimmy looked back over to me and squinted a little.

“You look like shit dude.” He told me.

I only nodded and stood up. As soon as my feet hit the carpet a wave of dizziness washed over me and I crashed back into the chair closing my eyes to keep the world from spinning.
“Zacky!” Brian yelped and immediately his hands were all over me, trying to see what was wrong. I weakly put my hands flat against his chest, and he slowed down, pulling me into him instead. I fit my head into the crook of his neck.

“I’m okay. Just tired.” I said quietly. He stroked my hair with one hand.

“Zacky, no one is going to think any less of you if you take a pill.” He soothed pleadingly. “Please baby. You’re sick. You can’t do this much longer.” I sighed and nodded. I knew how much worse things would get if I didn’t. I felt Brian motion to Jimmy and I heard the door open and Jimmy negotiating with a nurse quietly in the hallway.

“Let’s put you into bed.” Brian murmured as he hooked a hand under my knees and scooped me up. I heard his heart beating fast behind his ribs. He was upset. He set me gently on the bed and pushed the pillows so I could recline. After pulling the covers up to my chest and say on the edge of the bed and pulled me into him, wrapping an arm around me. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent. Cigarettes and old cologne.

I heard two sets of footsteps approach and Brian ran his fingers through my bangs, smoothing them out.

“Zachary?” A nurse called out sweetly. I peeked an eye open and looked at her wrinkled yet smiling face. “I have a sleeping pill for you. Here take some water.” She handed me a cup and dumped a small red pill into my open palm. I downed the pill and water quickly and gave the empty paper cup back to the nurse. She smiled sympathetically a final time before leaving the room, closing the door with a soft click.

I lay back all the way and Brian made to get up. Reaching up, I rested a hand on his thigh.
“Stay with me.” I didn’t want to be alone. I felt like my world was crashing down, my body running on empty, and I needed a support. I needed my lighthouse in the black of the storm.
Brian looked down at me, his chocolate eyes melting. It could have been a glare from the bedside lamp, but I could have sworn a glimmer of tears and pity were swimming before them.

“Of course, Zack. Of course I’ll stay.” He whispered and lay down next to me. I curled into his body, nuzzling my head into the crook of his neck and snaking an arm around his middle. He cradled me closer and kissed my forehead. “You’re okay now, baby.” His voice echoed in my head, growing fainter and fainter with each repetition until it faded into silence and I slipped into slumber.

My sleep was dreamless until the end, until out of the dense, dark fog, a face began to materialize in the vapor. It was his face, half illuminated with a hellish fire. He grinned sinisterly at me, as if threatening me. I felt myself becoming warmer and warmer until I felt like my skin had been soaked in butane and set on fire, skin being ripped from muscle, muscle being cut from bone. Then he vanished back into nothing. I woke up in a cold sweat and sat up groggily.

Looking around I was momentarily disoriented; this wasn’t my room. Hearing a soft snore next to me, I looked down. Brian was sound asleep, lying on his back with a hand across the spot I had vacated when I sat back up. As I blinked and my rubbed my eyes, startled to find they were wet with tears. I wiped them shakily with my shirt collar, and when my eyes adjusted to the semi darkness, I came to the realization that I was in Brian’s room. Content that I now knew where I was, I snuggled back down, breathing in Brian’s comforting scent and calming myself down. I looked over at the clock. 6:09 a.m.

My motions must have woken him up because he sighed, the hand curling up around me and tangling in my hair.

“How do you feel baby?” he asked, his voice deep and gravely from sleep, his chest rumbling under my ear as I felt the sound vibrate in his chest.

“Better.” I said quietly, not wanting to break the tranquil world created by the dim glow of sunlight starting to filter into the semi darkness. He reached up with his free hand and rubbed at his eyes, trying to rid them of sleep. I grabbed his hand and stopped it by interlacing my fingers.

“Go back to sleep Brian” I commanded gently. His hand melted into mine. I balanced myself more fully on top of him and reached the other one up to stroke at the scruff building around his jaw. He nodded sleepily, his eyes already half closed and glazed as he looked down at me. I reached up and played with his hair while he quickly went back to sleep, his breathing a deep and relaxing pattern.

I was lulled into a feeling of half consciousness, not quite asleep but floating and hazy, like walking through fog in a dream. Brian was beautiful when he slept, a perfect statue.

I was surprised to feel someone shaking me gently. Blinking my eyes open blearily I learned too had fallen back asleep on Brian’s chest.

“Good morning Sleeping Beauty.” Brian smirked. I smiled back goofily and lay back down on his chest. Feeling the protruding bone of his ribs I scooted up so that I could nuzzle my face into his neck, breathing in Brian’s smell.

Brian laughed as he felt me smelling him. I was now draped over him, my arm thrown over his chest, and a leg intertwined with both of his. His hand found my hip and be began to stroke it gently, his fingers dipping under the waistband of my boxers to rub over the hollows. His fingers were feather light and tickled in the most horrible way possible. I shrieked and writhed.

“B-brian! Stop!” I gasped between laughs.

“Not until you call mercy.” He grinned back devilishly.

“N-nev-er!” I giggled. In an attempt to escape I rolled back onto Brian on the way to rolling off the bed. However, in the process, I felt something hard poke me in the stomach. I stopped moving and looking down. I felt my face pull into a fiendish smirk. Brian had a hard on.

“It seems someone else wants to play with us.” I said coyly looking back up at Brian. I inwardly laughed at the expression on his face; it was a mixture of embarrassment, lust, and testosterone induced pride. In the end it just made him look constipated.

“This is all your fault.” He informed me. His fingers were still on my hips and they started to tease, inching their way further down.

“It is?” I purred, crawling back up so I could lay slow kisses along his neck and jaw. “What ever should I do to fix it?” I lightly trailed my finger tips down his sides and smirked as I felt him shiver underneath me.

“I think I’m just going to go take a cold shower.” He told me plainly as he removed his fingers and made to get up.

“Party pooper.” I grumbled, rolling off him. I gave a yelp of surprise as Brian rolled his way on top of me and pinned my hand above my head in one swift movement.

“Really?” Brian asked in a seductive drawl. His hips started grinding in small circles against my own. I hissed and bit back a moan. “I think I’m an awfully good sport.”

He began nipping and sucking on a spot behind my ear and I involuntarily moaned. I felt myself getting hard as Brian ground down harder. Pulling my earlobe into his mouth he whispered into my ear and it sent shivers down my spine.

“What do you think, Baby?”

I pressed my head into the pillow and gasped out an appreciative moan and closed my eyes as my body spasmed in an acute burst of pleasure. I was fully hard now and the delicious friction was immense.

“Oh my god…” I arched my back and bucked my hips up to meet Brian’s. He hissed moaned low.

“Fuck Zack.”

I leaned up and captured his lips in a searing kiss, our teeth bumping together with a muffled click as pants seeped from between our shared lips. Our tongues twisted and writhed as they fought for dominance. A deep moan ripped from Brian’s mouth as his thrusts became faster and more insistent, no longer innocent frottering.

I felt the coil staring to be wound tighter and tighter in the pit of my stomach and my body continued to twitch, my nerves too ablaze to function properly.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck….” Brian chanted, his face buried in the crook of my neck. “Zacky I’m so fucking close.” He moaned. The coil was still getting tighter and tighter, like a cat getting ready to pounce.

“M-me too Brian—Fuck!” I gasped and ground harder still against his hips. Sweat had soaked through the T shirt I was sleeping in and it slid against my back as my body was pushed by Brian’s thrusts. Tighter. Tighter. Then it unraveled.

“FUCK!” I screamed out as my whole body tensed and my vision blacked. My breathing stopped for a few seconds as pure ecstasy burned through my veins, infecting every muscle, every fiber, every cell of my body. I heard Brian yell on top of me and his body go rigid before he collapsed on top of me. Both of our chests were heaving, our boxers now warm and wet. He kissed my swollen, slick lips.

“Shower for real?” he asked, his eyes glittering, the lust darkness still ebbing at the edges of them.

“Please.” I grinned. Brian rolled off me and onto the floor before standing and picking me up and carrying me into the bathroom.