Lacrimo Crystallinus

As the bus goes over a bump in the highway, I return my sunglasses to my eyes. If it weren’t for Ayumi and Momo’s insistence, and the chance to see Bao for the first time in months, I wouldn’t be touring around America. A green sign passes quickly, but not too fast for me to see that Denver is 20 miles away. I feel rising excitement, but I try to contain it. It isn’t for sure that we’ll meet. There seemed to be very little time that I would spend on my own between going over the next project I’d be taking with Katherine and doing the photo shoot that evening for the cover of the movie. Katherine’s gaze catches my eye and I watch her for a time, hidden behind the tint of my sunglasses.

“Satoru,” she calls, her voice rich and sensual. I turn my head so it appears as though I had just received her gaze. “Tell me what’s different.”

“I don’t think you would understand, even if I told you.”

In her dark eyes, I can see a flare of anger and what looks like sorrow. I hadn’t thought she could feel something so real. “Try me,” she says, her voice thick with over-embellished anger.

“I am seeing someone,” I say dispassionately, though the mere thought of Bao sets my mind askew. Shaking off the enticing image of her in lingerie, my hand ventures to the bridge of my nose. “I’m sure you don’t understand.”

“And when did that stop you before? You might remember the last few years of your most recent marriage. Or need I remind you of that?” Her eyes fall on my lap. I shake my head as politely as possible.

“That was then, and this is now.”

She laughs loudly, though it is bitter and cold. It is hardly becoming. When she finishes the short moment, her eyes are darker than ever and focus on me, full of amusement and mischief. “Oh, that’s rich, Satoru! You fancy yourself a home-maker, do you? What’s she like? Innocent and young or sexy and experienced—just how you claim to like them?”

Suddenly, I have the urge to strike her, but I adjust my glasses and fold my arms over my chest. I see a gleam of frustration in Katherine’s eyes as I refuse to answer. Her cheeks bloom with bright pink color as she purses her lips. Her high-heeled shoes click loudly as she stamps them onto the floor of the bus. Takanori looks up from his dreamlike state. He shoots a wary glance at Katherine before giving me a look full of worry.

“Well, Satoru? Isn’t it time that you tell me?”

“I have no obligation to tell you anything of my personal life, Ms. LaVelours.”

The formal use of her last name causes her to set her jaw furiously. Without another word, she turns sharply away in her seat. I join Takanori and Suzumura in the back. Takanori gives me an odd look, but says nothing. Suzumura seems too concerned about a book he’s reading to notice the exchange between Katherine and me. I lean back against the seat and reach into my pocket. For a moment, I am surprised, but then I remember that I had lost my phone a while ago.

“Can I use your phone for a moment?” I ask. Takanori hands it over and I try to remember Bao’s phone number. For several moments, nothing comes to me, so I give it back. “I can’t remember the number.”

In a few minutes, we arrive at the convention center in Denver. As if on cue, Suzumura slaps the book shut just when the bus lurches to a stop. All of us stand and grab our suitcases. We wave at the driver on our way out. The air is as cool and crisp as I remember it to be. I inhale. Denver always had such beautiful weather. Eventually, when we turn, my eyes rest on a girl who is dressed in cosplay. She stands in front of the convention center, her cheeks flushed as she stares in our direction. I notice Katherine’s glare out of the corner of my eye and I realize with a small smile that she had noticed my attention.

The girl looks familiar, but from my distance and sunglasses, it’s hard to tell. We walk across the way and as she looms nearer and nearer, a strange expression conquers her face. I stop for a moment, containing my growing excitement. With all the makeup and wig, it was difficult to tell before, but now that I am near, I know for sure. I lower my sunglasses, staring right into her eyes. “Bao.” My voice is so low and soft that it is almost a whisper. My adoration for her escapes into the call itself. I cannot look away from her face.

“Sa—Satoru?” she replies, her eyes blank. As we stare at each other for a long moment, a long lock of her blonde wig flies free from her fingers and dances in the wind. “Wh—what… you’re the mystery guest!”

“Yes, I am. I know I’m late,” I say, taking her hand gently and kissing it. She accepts the gesture, but her eyes look as though something horrible has happened. “But I promised I would return, and here I am. Will you come with me and tell me how you have been?”

She looks away from my face toward Katherine on my right. They stare one another down for a time before she looks down at her hands clutching a stuffed lizard. “I don’t know, Satoru…”

“Please, Bao. I have missed you terribly.”

Her amber-colored eyes glow with love, but it is shadowed over with pain. Her pallid lips remain closed, but they quiver slightly. She glances at Takanori and Suzumura. If she recognizes them, she gives no indication, and her gloved hand flies to her protruding collarbones. She looks away quickly, her beautiful eyes anywhere but on me. I offer her my arm and she hesitates, but accepts. Together, we walk toward the suite that was promised to me. Katherine and the others follow and find that their rooms are across from mine. Katherine enters her own room right away without waiting for introductions.

Takanori shifts on his feet, his eyes roaming Bao’s face with silent approval. Suzumura searches for his room key with the huge book tucked into the crook of his left arm. I turn to Bao.

“This is Takanori,” I say, indicating him. She waves and smiles idly. “You might know him better as Ruki.” I indicate Suzumura. “That’s Suzumura, but his stage name is Hitt. He’s a fairly new artist, and he’s also indie, so I don’t think you would know him. The woman is Katherine.”

“It is a pleasure,” she says meekly, offering only a fleeting gaze that is full of discomfort. I smile at her encouragingly, but both Takanori and Suzumura understand and disappear into their own rooms.

I turn and use the room key to open the door to my suite. Bao hesitates, standing shyly in the middle of the hallway as I hold open the door for her to enter. “Please, come in.” She looks around for a moment, and slips inside quickly. I close the door behind her and remove my jacket, draping it over the nearest chair back. “Tell me what is the matter, Bao,” I say, stepping closer to embrace her. She turns away, her eyes downcast. It hurts me.

“Your phone…”

“I know, I lost it. I tried to call you again, but I couldn’t remember your phone number.”

“Satoru, you didn’t lose your phone.” Her eyes drift toward me, locking on coldly. Behind her façade, I can see pain and a glimmer of doubt. “Someone answered it when I called and said that you left it at her home.”

For a moment, I am stunned, but I recover fairly quickly. “Katherine,” I manage, feeling a strong surge of loathing. “You’re right, I never lost it. It was stolen.” Bao says nothing. “I didn’t know, Bao, I’m sorry.”

For a long moment, she says nothing. Several emotions war in her face before only her pain is clear and bare. Her eyes float up to mine and they are as that of an abused child. My heart aches.

“Who is she, Satoru?”

“She is my manager, but it is not who she is so much as who she was.” I pause and grasp her hand, so delicate, in my own. “We have a history, Bao. I want you to know that no matter what has occurred between Katherine and myself, the past is behind me. I belong to one person only.” She looks away, already understanding where the conversation is going. With a gentle finger, I turn her face to see me. “Bao. If you don’t trust me, trust at least that I love you.”

A makeup-blackened tear descends her face, spilling across her alabaster face. Her lips quiver and she takes a soft breath, closing her eyes. “Okay.”