Lacrimo Crystallinus

Satoru is released from the hospital only a few days later, having regained some of his appetite and strength, although he still speaks infrequently. We take the evening train back to the large, luxurious home he shares with his sister and brother-in-law. While it is good that he has become healthier, he still doesn’t look completely well, and he catches me watching him often enough to become somewhat annoyed with it.

“I’m fine, Bao,” he assures me in his rich voice. His eyes, dark and gentle without contacts shine with purpose now. “Please don’t worry anymore.”

I raise an eyebrow. “And how do you expect me to do that?” Although I say it lightly enough, he tenses up and looks away quickly, muttering an apology almost under his breath. I search for his hand and clasp it, smiling encouragingly. “Hey, don’t go all Saikai Story on me now, got it?” He smiles, but it looks false and strange on his features. It makes my heart ache.

When the train lurches to a stop in Satoru’s district, he leads me down the streets with what almost appears to be eagerness and we pause in front of his home, but before I can fully take in its splendor, he ushers me inside, pulling the door closed behind him. It is too dim to see much at first, so I stand still and grip his arm while I wait for my eyes to adjust. When they do, I am in awe.

Satoru’s home is lavish and romantic all around. The steps leading down into his division of the building are both cool and bathed in candlelight. From what I can see of the first floor, it is designed in a very different way from the rest of the home. Satoru’s dwelling, made of brick and illuminated by the gentle flicker of candles, is built to look similar to a castle. Roses line the ceiling, their petals’ colors muted by the lack of light. It creates a romantic, classical feel. Satoru smiles at my fawning and takes my hand, leading me down the steps and toward the end of the hallway.

“This is my room,” he says swinging the door open slowly, as if to draw out the drama. Immediately, the sound of rushing water greets my ears, and it echoes through the lower level softly like a beautiful harmony. At Satoru’s urging, I step into the long, seemingly infinite room and am rendered breathless. On my left is a giant circular bed that is built into the tiled floor, which rises slightly around the bed, creating a small lip. It is perfectly made and several candles surround it invitingly. Directly in front of me, there is a beautiful, antique-style fountain. On my right, and from the ceiling, a waterfall is trickling down softly, creating that lovely rushing noise.

I turn back to Satoru, who is smiling in a way that seems almost embarrassed. “It’s . . . beautiful.” I am so surprised that I can’t even think of anything more to say. While I should not be so shocked that he lives a more-than-comfortable life, I am at the extent to which he spent.

“Thank you,” he says softly, sweetly. “I have a birthday present for you.” Before I can ask what it is, he disappears down the hall that we came through. Waiting a long moment, I am about to follow him when he appears in the doorway. “Follow me, koibito,” he says, a smile both gentle and playful on his face. His hand slips over mine and he leads me down the hall toward the stairs. When I think he is going to take me back up them, he turns and takes me through and open doorway. Before seeing it, I can feel the condensation on the tile from the bathtub. It, like the bed, is much larger than any one person (or several, for that matter) would need, and is also a circular shape. Steps lead up to the lip of the tub, which is built into the tile and connected to the ceiling by three decorative pillars. Foamy bubbles cover most of the surface of the water and threaten to cascade down the tiled steps. Beside the bathtub, a long golden rod runs between two of the three pillars and three towels hang neatly.

Again, I am at a loss for words. Satoru turns toward me and smiles, kissing my cheek softly. “Wouldn’t you like to wash all your troubles away?” I fix my eyes on his, my heart beating quickly in my chest. I can’t suppress a smile, though. “That’s what I like to see,” he says with a laugh, kissing my lips as he unbuttons his shirt.

“Y—You really mean to do this?” I ask, my eyes wide.

He pulls off the shirt, draping it nicely over the marble countertop. “Of course I mean it, Bao, but if you are uncomfortable, then we don’t have to do it.” His toned, long muscles glow radiantly in the delicate, dreamy lighting. I bite my lip.

“I’m eighteen now . . . so I guess now that it’s socially acceptable, it might not be so bad . . . right?” He laughs.

“I don’t like to think of it that way, but if you must . . .” He unbuttons his slacks and steps out of them, folding it over his shirt in the same pristine way. I watch him undress, knowing that I should do the same, but feeling altogether too self-conscious. When he has finished he looks at me with a mischievous smile and winks. “What are you doing with all those clothes on?”

I blush terribly. “Sorry, it’s just . . . wow. You look really good.”

“Are you nervous, Bao?” he asks, his eyes tender. “Don’t be. Would you like me to undress you, instead?”

“N—No, I can do it myself.” But I don’t move to do it. He smiles sympathetically, moving to be near me. He embraces me and as he does, I feel the zipper sliding away from my neck and down my back. My favorite Lolita dress, one I sewed myself, crumples to the floor, taking my double petticoats with it. I step out of the clothing and remove my underclothes while he is folding my dress to be placed beside his own clothes. Before we get into the water, he kisses me gently, touching nothing but my lips. Together we slide into the hot, soapy water.

Easing down beside him, I realize that there is a long bench curving halfway around the inside of the tub. Jets of hot water massage my back and shoulders. I close my eyes and sigh happily. Beside me, Satoru laughs.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

“How could I not? I guess when you have access to this every day, it seems like normal to you . . .” I trail off as my body relaxes even more. I slump down even further into the water until the water covers me up to my neck. “You’re pampering me, you know.”

He smiles. “I’m only caring for you the way you deserve to be cared for.” His arm slides behind my neck, cushioning my head from the tile. “Is there anything that you desire, Bao?”

“Do you mean material or ideological?”

“Both, I suppose.”

I settle into the water, cupping the bubbles in my hands as I ponder quietly. He waits, seeming as comfortable and carefree as I. “I don’t know. I have everything I want, to be honest.”

“You don’t want anything?”

“I have my parents, my friends, you, this wonderful bath . . . I don’t need anything else . . . and what’s left to want?” I smile at him, kissing his cheek. “What about you, Satoru?”

“I want your happiness. If that is achieved, then I am happy.” He kisses the top of my head, leaning away from me momentarily and twisting around as if searching for something on the steps. “I have something else for you.” When he returns, he has a single rose in his hand, dipping it toward me. Inside, nestled between the petals, is a small silver band with a pale, almost fluorescent opal setting. With gentle fingers, he plucks the ring from its resting place and holds it between us, the opal glimmering modestly in his hand, reflecting the candlelight. “This is your actual birthday present, koibito. I know that you are not particularly fond of precious stones, but I hope this is more to your liking.” He takes my hand in his bigger one, positioning the ring over my first knuckle on my left index finger. It hovers there for what seems like an eternity, his handsome amber eyes locking on mine as he seeks my approval. I am just regaining breath when he asks, “Can you accept it?”

“Of course, Satoru. It’s wonderful . . . I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.” He smiles and slips it on my finger, where it is shining meekly, a pleasant contrast to my darker skin. His hand keeps hold of mine for a moment longer before relinquishing it almost unwillingly. For a moment, it’s as if he’s in a different world, but then he suddenly catches my gaze and smiles, reaching for a bottle of shampoo on my opposite side. We are silent for a time and I stare at the ring. Without meaning to, I say in an audible murmur, “would you ever consider marriage?” As soon as the words come from my mouth, my cheeks burst with heat and color and I wish I could un-say them.

For a time, Satoru looks as though he’s been physically struck, his shadowed eyes glazed over. When he recovers, it is slow and gradual, unlike any recovery I’d ever seen him make before. “Don’t you think it’s a bit early to think of that, Bao?” he says more than asks.

“I’m sorry, Satoru. I didn’t mean to say that . . .” He doesn’t even attempt to smile. Instead, he nods solemnly and turns away, lathering his hair with shampoo and ducking under the bubbly water to rinse it away. The lighthearted mood from earlier is gone. We finish our bath in silence.

He finishes washing first and waits patiently for me to be through. When I am underneath the water, rinsing the conditioner out of my hair, he climbs out of the tub. As I surface, I catch a glimpse of him from the back, wrapping a towel around his hips before bringing my towel back toward the tub. He wordlessly wraps the towel around me and takes his folded clothing with him out the bathroom door, leaving me alone in the room with only a towel and my clothes draped over the back of a chair.