Lacrimo Crystallinus

“I don’t think I can do this…”

“Don’t tell me you’re nervous,” Melody says with a smile.

“I am! What if I trip and fall on my face or something!” I blush just at the thought. “Or what if I mess up during my speech?”

“Oh come on, Bao, you’ll be fine. And even if you do mess up, what will it matter? In a few weeks, no one will remember anyway… although… it may have been on film.” She laughs. “Anyways, you’ll probably never see most of these people again, so why do you care?”

“I guess that’s true, but still…”

“Melody Varnell!”

“Oh, that’s me!” Melody says in surprise, scrambling to her feet. “Now don’t go bolting off on the day of your own graduation, Bao. That would be the worst.”

When she leaves, I look at the auditorium full of parents and family members, trying to find mine. The person beside me shifts awkwardly. I don’t think I’ve seen her before. When I see my parents, I am surprised to see Satoru sitting beside them, smiling happily and hidden behind dark sunglasses and under a strange hat.

“Bao Zhao!”

With a jolt, I realize that my name had been called. I stand ungracefully and file out of the row I was assigned, feeling strange being one of the last to do so. The principal hands me the diploma and shakes my hand before I step back into the back row for photos. After a long time, he returns to the microphone.

“Does everyone have pictures? Okay, now a few distinguished students have prepared speeches for this ceremony. Please welcome the first speaker and the valedictorian, Bao Zhao.” Applause fills the auditorium and I shakily make my way to the podium, setting my note cards out in a row so that I can easily see them. I try to look anywhere but at my parents as I smile and wait for the applause to die down.

“First and foremost, I would like to thank everyone for taking the time from their careers, studies, and personal time to be present for this ceremony. Some of you have stood in this exact place, listening to a very similar speech, but everyone knows that high school graduation is a milestone in our lives, a reward for our dedication and diligence to our academics and extra-curricular activities throughout not just our senior high school, but the entire course of our education to this point.

“It is a wake-up call for this graduating class. We may no longer spend our evenings on Face Book or playing Angry Birds on our iPods. Instead, we must actually write essays and spend more time reading the actual material and less reading the Spark Notes, or for some of us, we will spend the majority of our time working. We are now adults and as such, we get both the freedoms and responsibilities that come with it.

“However, it is also a gift. With a high school diploma, jobs that were previously closed to us are now open. We may now enroll in college and work toward the careers we dream of. The freedom of adulthood allows us to make our own choices as we see fit, and make our own mistakes.

“Even though there are people in this graduating class that I have never met, people that I never will meet, and those who I wished I’d known earlier, I believe that we can all achieve our dreams if we square our shoulders and do our best. But this would not have been possible without the support of all the people in the seats today—the teachers, the parents, and,” I say, staring directly at Satoru, “our loved ones. Thank you, every one of you, for your contributions to us and our education.”

When I am through, I sweep up my note cards, tucking them into my sleeve and smile, stepping away from the podium. My legs continue to shake, but I step back into my place at the back of the class. Applause thunders throughout the audience.

“Thank you, Bao. And now, please welcome the head of student council, Jessica Blanche.”

Jess steps up to the podium, turning back to smile at me and mouth the words ‘you did great’ before speaking.

“I don’t know if I can top that last speech,” she says with a smile that wins over her audience almost immediately. Several people laugh. “As head of the student council, I would like to say that we have had a wonderful year. This year, we made the newspaper several times for our achievements in both sports and academics. We have coordinated the most successful tailgate in several years, attracting people from all over Colorado to watch our football and basketball teams.

“That said, I am speaking today to announce the new student council members for the upcoming senior class...”

**

After the ceremony, I find my parents and Satoru in the commons, their faces proud and shining. My father and mother both embrace me and insist that I made a wonderful speech. Even Satoru seems impressed. He smiles and grasps my hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb.

“I’m making a special dinner tonight in honor of your graduation. You are welcome to join us, Satoru. Please stop by around 6:30.” My mom leads my dad out of the school, winking knowingly. I blush and turn away.

Jess and Melody happen by and I introduce Satoru as “Gackt”, since I doubt he wants any rumors floating about when it comes to his name. They are genuinely humbled by his presence and he puts on a strange mask of cool formality with them, one that I assume he only puts on for fans. When they leave, he seems drained, but comfortable in solitude with me.

“It seems… strange to watch you graduate,” Satoru says as we stand outside, leaning against a pillar in front of the school.

“It just reinforces our age difference,” I agree, our hands still clasped. “Maybe I shouldn’t have asked you to watch.”

“It isn’t that, and you know I would never miss this.” He looks out at the skyline. “It just makes me realize how much we’ve both changed in a year and a half. It feels as though it were only weeks ago that I met you and you changed me.”

“I changed you?”

He smiles neither happily nor unhappily. “There is no need to pretend that you haven’t. I have no illusions that you were ignorant of my infamy with women.”

“I knew, but I didn’t change you.”

“Without you, I would still be that person.” He turns to face me, his face glorious in the cloud-softened sunlight. “Your purity had an influence on me, Bao.”

“Perhaps it did, but in the end, it was your choice. An influence is one thing, but what you did came from yourself. You wanted to change your ways before, but you were afraid to. If I had any affect, it was only enough to make you stop being afraid. The rest of it you did on your own.”

He stares at me, his eyebrows pulled together, before pulling me into a violent kiss. He crushes my body to his, his lips moving innocently enough. Just as it reaches a level of passion that is both dizzying and exciting, he pulls away and takes my hand, leading me toward the car.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. We must go.”

“But Satoru—“

“Please, Bao,” he says, opening the door for me, “just get in the S-E-X.”

I laugh, but comply. “Where are we going?” He doesn’t say anything as he speeds out of the parking lot, somehow still with grace and poise. “Uh, Satoru…”

“I’m not angry.”

“Then what is the matter?”

“We will speak of it when we get to the hotel.”