Love's Not A Competition

He stared at me for a few seconds before turning and getting into his bed, pulling the curtains shut. My mind whirled and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to go to sleep now. There were too many thoughts going round my head. I grabbed my track pants and a t-shirt before walking into the bathroom. Once I had changed my clothes I grabbed my coat and walked out of the room. There was only one place that I knew that would let me think in peace and I shivered as I walked towards the athletics track.

When I finally reached the track I pulled off my coat and stretched near the bleachers. When I was slightly warmer I got up and started jogging around the track. My mind instantly cleared as the wind rushed past my ears, my breathing became even and my feet pounded along the track. I closed my eyes briefly, loving the feel of the cool wind against my skin. It didn’t feel bitter and cold, it felt oddly refreshing. After a few laps of jogging I stopped and took a break. The wind pushed against me harshly and I quickly ran to where I had left my coat before pulling it on. I huddled beneath the bleachers, trying to stop the wind from reaching me.

I still couldn’t believe that he had chosen Katie over me. I felt deflated. I knew that I had told him to choose one of us but I guess my ego just got in the way and I truly thought that he would choose me. I never let myself believe that he would choose her. All those secret kisses and the locket. I had thought that he had cared about me. Why did it always turn out like this? I had promised myself that I wouldn’t fall for a guy like Zeke again after the last time but look at me now.

I was completely under his spell and it hurt a lot. When I was with him I felt appreciated and happy but when I was away from him I felt doubtful and frustrated, like I wanted to pull my hair out. I wiped at my cheeks and stood up. I had to seal off my heart again and not let anyone in, not even Jesse. I couldn’t afford it. I had been hurt too many times. The only boy that I would allow to see me as me would be Eric and even then I would have to be careful. I couldn’t let myself fall for anyone else. I didn’t want to feel heartbreak ever again. It was too unbearable.

Life seemed to pass by uneventfully for the next few days. Classes started up again and I moved back in with Zeke. We hadn’t talked since the night of the party but I preferred it that way. It made it easier to try to move on, which was turning out to be more than impossible. Every second he was there in front of me and a part of me just wanted to throw myself at him. I sometimes caught him staring at me and it made me wonder if he was truly over me yet either. Maybe he was learning the meaning of that saying; you never really appreciate what you have until it’s gone. But I doubted that highly.

It was only two weeks into classes that Brittney got a phone call from her parents. She came running into my dorm room and I stared as she burst into tears while climbing up the ladder to my bunk. Zeke left the room tactfully while I hugged Brittney.

“What happened?” I asked when she finally calmed down.
“My parents rang me and they said that I had to get a tutor for math or else they will drag me out of school and put me into an all girl Christian school,” she explained.
“Oh,” I breathed.
“What am I going to do?”
“Uh, get a tutor?” I suggested.

“But I don’t want a tutor. If I spend all my time studying then I will never get time for Aidan and my anime shows.”
“But if you don’t study then you won’t see Aidan or any anime shows for over a year and you wouldn’t really want that now would you?”
“No, I guess not.”

“Do your parents have a tutor for you or does the school supply one?”
“The school supplies one. They already set up a session with the tutor and its tomorrow. Do you think that he will be an old man? Or a scary man that tries to hit on me?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t you go tomorrow and find out?”

She sighed grumpily and rested her head on my shoulder.
“How are things with you and Zeke going?”
“There’s nothing new to report. We both just ignore each other and spend most of our time at training or with the others or in the lounge. We only come in here when we absolutely have to.”

“Are you sure that this is the best way? You could always move back in with me.”
“I have to face this head on. If I move in with you again then whenever I see him I will freak out but now that I’m around him all the time we are slowly learning to be in the same room without it being too awkward.”

“But you still like him.”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to say it, Eric and I can tell.”
“You and Eric should mind your own business. Now I have to go because I have to go for a run.”

She walked downstairs with me and waved at me before going into the computer room to find Aidan. I jogged to the athletics track to find Zeke sitting on the bleachers. He looked up and waved at me. I waved back and slowly walked over to where he was sitting.

“Is Brittney okay?” he asked.
It was so weird to hear his voice after two weeks of silence.
“Yeah,” I said quietly.

We weren’t looking at each other or even sitting close together but I could feel the familiarity in us. Even before I started liking him we had been sort of friends even though he made me frustrated and we fought all the time, we had still had normal conversations sometimes. It was weird to not be talking to him. We fell into our usual silence before I sighed loudly. I felt him looking at me but I didn’t turn to look at him. I knew that I couldn’t risk it. I didn’t want to be reminded of my pain right now. I jumped up and walked towards the track. I sat down and started my usual stretches. I saw him stand up out of the corner of my eye and was surprised when I saw him stretching as well.

“Let’s have a race,” he said.
“You don’t sprint and I don’t jump hurdles,” I said.
“I can sprint,” he said.
I raised my eyebrows before standing up. I still wasn’t looking at him as I walked over to the start line.

“Is it 100 meters?” I asked.
“Yeah, okay,” he said.
“When do we start?”
He got down into the starting position and I followed his lead.
“On the count of three,” he said.

He started counting and on three I took off. I could just see him beside me for a few seconds until the adrenaline kicked in and I sped up. I ran over the finish line and he ran over it a few seconds later.

“Ha, I told you that you can’t sprint,” I laughed, feeling the high of the adrenaline.
“Let’s go again,” he grumbled, walking back to the starting line.
“You’ll never beat me after the first run. If you beat me on the first run then good for you but by the time of the second run my adrenalines up and I’m pumped to go. You don’t have a chance at winning,” I laughed, babbling away.