Love's Not A Competition

We walked out of the dorm building and were hit with a bright sun. It was late afternoon but we didn’t care. I liked the way Zeke held my hand as we walked. I liked how it fit perfectly in mine. I liked the way he looked down and smiled at me. It was almost perfect. If only I didn’t have this horrible ache in my chest, this hollow feeling inside of me. But I knew that one day, one day in the distant future, the pain would slowly ebb away. It wouldn’t go away completely but it wouldn’t hurt as much as it did right now.

We stopped at a bench and took a rest. Zeke put his arm around my shoulders and I rested my head on his shoulders. I was surprised at how fast the year was going. It would be time for prom soon and then it would be exams before the summer holidays rolled up. I knew I would be going home this year. I needed to be at home. Then we would all be back for our last year. I wondered how Brittney was going to cope since this was Aidan’s last year and he would be off to college next year. I had a vague memory of them discussing next year. I think Aidan was going to take a leap year so they could start college together when Brittney had graduated. I figured that they must really be in love if he was willing to do that for her.
I wanted to ask Zeke about prom. The thought wouldn’t leave me alone. I wanted to know who he was taking. I wanted to know if he would ask me. I was going to ask him when he turned to look at me. His blue eyes shone brightly as he smiled. I smiled back and he leaned forward. I felt his lips press against my forehead before he leaned back again, looking out over the school garden. I could feel my mouth slightly open. I bit my bottom lip again and turned away, hiding my blushing face.

“Jas, have you thought about prom?” Zeke asked.
“No,” I partly lied.
“Who do you want to go with?” he asked.
“It really depends.”
“On what?” he asked.
“On what boy asks me to go to prom with them.”

There was a long pause and I thought he wasn’t going to say anything. I was just sighing when he pulled my face around to look at him. His face was serious as his eyes bored into mine. I could see a bit of pink in his cheeks and wondered if he was blushing.

“Will you go with me?”
“You’re asking me to prom?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, I’ll go with you.”

He smiled and kissed me on the cheek this time. He must have thought I was too fragile to kiss on the lips. I didn’t know. Maybe he was just being polite since I was so heartbroken. Maybe that’s the whole reason he was with me right now and why he was asking me to prom. Was it really because I was sad or was it because he actually wanted to go with me? I raised one eyebrow and decided I would wait to see what happened. He might change his mind after a while. There was still over three weeks until prom.

I had to go back to class the next day. I didn’t go down for breakfast. I couldn’t face that right now. Too many people asking too many questions in the dining hall, I reminded myself. Zeke was nice enough to bring me up something to eat. I thanked him before nibbling on the toast, not all that hungry. I felt like the ache in my chest was worse than yesterday. I wanted to curl up into a ball and go back to sleep. But I had to do this. I had to go back to class because I couldn’t hide forever. I knew that.

The first classes were fine. Eric must have told Brittney what I had told him in his car because she was extra nice to me and didn’t ask any questions. I was grateful and I tried to make conversation with her. It didn’t really work though, my heart wasn’t in it. I made it through lunch, sticking close to Zeke’s side. Katie asked questions but I couldn’t answer them. I just kept my head low while Zeke told her to leave me alone.

“All I wanted to know was why I didn’t see her for the last couple of days,” Katie snapped.
“She went home for a visit,” Eric told her.
“But why?” asked Katie.
“It’s none of your business,” Zeke said quietly, trying to not get angry at her.
“It’s alright,” I sighed finally. “I went home for a funeral.”

She gasped before apologizing quickly. She didn’t talk after that unless someone asked her something. I guess she felt bad for being nosy. I don’t know why I kept the news from her. Maybe it was because I didn’t know her all that well and because we weren’t on the best of terms right now. I reminded myself that she was the one who tried to drown me in a pool. Zeke smiled next to me when I shivered at the thought. He squeezed my hand under the table and I managed a small smile for him though it was forced.

I went to the track after school. I needed to do something. I couldn’t sit still and do the homework I had gotten. I couldn’t sit in the computer room with Aidan and Brittney. I couldn’t hang out with Eric in the lounge. I couldn’t lie around with Zeke in his room. I just needed some alone time and running was the only way I knew how to do that.

I stretched before slowly jogging around the track. I let the sound of my breathing and my footsteps calm me. I didn’t think about anything. I counted my steps so my thoughts wouldn’t wander. I ran six laps around the track before finally stopping to catch my breath. I stretched again to warm down and flopped onto the grass, sipping from my water bottle as my breathing evened out. My muscles ached but I liked the feeling. It made me feel… alive. I couldn’t explain it. The word just felt right when I thought about it.

Zeke didn’t say anything when I came back. He just kissed my forehead before I walked into the bathroom to shower. He was doing his homework when I came out and I sat down beside him so I could do my own. I snuck glances at him every few seconds and quickly looked away when I saw him looking back. I didn’t know why I hadn’t gotten shy around him. I had never been all that shy before when I was with him. He was just so good looking with that unruly black hair that hung in his piercing blue eyes, his straight nose, the little dimples in his cheeks when he smiled and those lips that always made my heart flutter when they touched mine. My feelings for him were definitely growing; I could feel it deep down. They were unstoppable and it scared me.