Love's Not A Competition

I fell asleep curled up on the chair. My neck and legs hurt but I didn’t mind. Mom arrived early in the morning, a few hours after I had woken up. When she walked into the room I said my silent goodbye to Dad before standing up.

“I’m going back to Los Angeles,” I told her.
“Pay for your own flight then,” she said.

“If the doctors tell you he will stay like this and won’t change then call me if you are going to turn off the life support. I want to be here for the funeral but if you decide to keep him on life support then don’t bother ringing me at all.”
“You selfish cow,” she snapped.
“You’re the selfish one if you keep him as a vegetable forever.”

I walked out of the room before she could say anything. I had a lot of money in my savings from my grandma who left me some money when she died. I paid for a taxi to the airport and brought a ticket for the next plane to Los Angeles.

Eric picked me up from the airport. He didn’t ask question as I cried all the way home. He knew I had problems with my family but I had never gone into details about it. When we pulled up in front of the school he passed me a tissue. I smiled gratefully, knowing that I could always rely on my friends. He squeezed my hand before walking me to my dorm room. Everyone was at breakfast and I told Eric to go to class. I took a shower and changed out of the clothes that I had been wearing since yesterday. I curled into a ball on my bed, shut away from the rest of the world for the time being. Thinking about the accident with Jess had opened up old wounds again. I was too young to remember it all but I distinctly remember Mom smacking me and the rush to the hospital. I also remembered Mason telling me that I had been a mistake, that the middle child was always the least loved in a family.

I awoke to someone slamming the door. I could hear them moving around the room but I didn’t make a move to let them know I was here. Zeke pulled back my curtains and sat down beside my bed.

“Where’d you disappear to?” he asked.
“Why? Were you lonely since you had to sleep in your own bed by yourself?”
“Someone needs a bit more sleep and I slept in your bed without you.”
I glared at him before rolling over so I was facing the wall. He placed a hand on my arm and sighed.

“Sorry about the other night. I had had a bad day and needed someone for comfort.”
“I would never comfort you. Don’t bother trying it again because I won’t let you anywhere near me.”

I shrugged him off before closing the curtains. My stomach grumbled loudly but I ignored it. Brittney finally came to drag me out of bed on Saturday. I got ready and she led me by the hand down to the cafeteria. She sweet talked the cook into making me something full of sugar and forced me to eat every piece. I even ran a couple of laps of the track. When it was time to leave for bowling Eric knocked on the door to my dorm. He smiled shyly at me while I stared, not feeling anything anymore. We walked to the bowling place; it was only a few blocks over. The two couples were holding hands while Eric and I followed along behind silently.

“Are you feeling better?” he asked.

I shrugged, not knowing how to respond. I was feeling better than yesterday but I still wasn’t back to normal. I was numb, oblivious to everything. We split into teams, girls vs. boys. I pulled my hood over my head and sank down in my seat while I waited my turn. I could feel Eric and Brittney watching me closely, probably wondering if I would break down. When it was my turn I grabbed the nearest ball and tried to look happy for my friend’s sake. I bowled and hit half the pins. I grabbed another ball and knocked down three more pins. I never was very good at bowling. I sat back down in my chair and waited for it all to end.

Aidan and Eric tied for first place. Brittney came in a close second while Zeke was third and Lola fourth. As usual I came last. The big gaping hole in my chest still hadn’t closed over yet and I wasn’t sure if it would ever again.

“Jasmine, are you okay?”
I looked up from where I was staring at the blank wall of our room and nodded slowly. Zeke sat on the edge of my bed and looked me in the eye.
“Did something happen?”
“Why do you even care? No one else does.”
“I wouldn’t say that. Eric and Brittney are worried about you. They want to help but you won’t open up to them.”
“How could I when I don’t even want to face it myself?” I whispered, talking to myself more than him.
“If you had someone to talk to it might help.”
“Talking doesn’t help, it never has.”
“So you are just going to stay in bed and mope for the rest of your life? If you do that then you are just running away and that makes you pathetic.”

I rolled my eyes, not even listening to what he was saying.
“I don’t feel anything,” I told him.
I went back to staring at the wall and sighed quietly. Zeke entered my line of vision again, coming quite close to my face. I didn’t move, didn’t even blink. When his lips touched mine I jerked away.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I yelled.
He smirked, quite pleased with my reaction.
“You felt that so don’t tell me you don’t feel anything.”

I growled and slapped him across the face. His smirk widened and I pushed him off my bed, anger taking over the sadness. This had been the third time in a week that he had violated my personal space. That arrogant jerk, I thought darkly. I closed the curtains as he climbed up the ladder to his bed. A small smile crept onto my face as I ran a finger over my bottom lip. I could still feel his lips against mine even though they had barely touched. He had a girlfriend and they were happy together even though Zeke’s reputation with girls wasn’t very good. As Eric said they probably won’t last very long. My whole body sighed as I locked away the sadness.

“Keep up the pace,” Mr. Kingston said as I passed him, two weeks later.
I nodded and breathed evenly as I ran around the track. I had spent the morning in the gym and after lunch Coach decided to do a few laps of the track. As I ran he set up the starting for the 100m sprint. I stopped beside him and waited.

“Let’s do a practice and then I will time you to see how you’re progressing,” he said.
I nodded and got into position on the starting blocks. He blew a whistle and I pushed myself off, running at full speed to the finish line. I slowed down and jogged back to Mr. Kingston when I had crossed the line.

“That was good; your reaction time is pretty stable. Let’s try again with the stopwatch.”
I nodded and walked back to the starting blocks. I looked at the bleachers and saw Brittney, Eric and Aidan watching me. Eric and Brittney waved at me when they saw I was looking. Mr. Kingston blew the whistle and I pushed off like before. My hair flew out behind me as I ran, feeling the adrenalin pump through my body. I crossed the finish line and Mr. Kingston walked over to me.
“12 seconds,” he said.
“Damn,” I growled.

“That’s not too bad seeing as you didn’t train all summer.”
I nodded and went back to the starting blocks. We did this again and again until I was down to 11.3s. I pulled on my jacket and walked over to where Eric was waiting. Brittney and Aidan had left because they had dinner reservations.
“Nice one, you’re improving only after a day. You’ll be able to compete again soon,” Eric said.
“I won’t be able to win,” I sighed.
“Is that all it’s about? Winning?” he asked.
“If I don’t aim for winning then I will never beat my own records.”
“You were one of the fastest girls in the country. Even if you took a break for a year you will be able to get back to the top again.”
We walked back to the dorms and sat in the lounge. The kids around us were either hanging with their friends or studying.
“Can I ask you a question?” Eric asked.
“Sure,” I smiled.
“Do you like Zeke?”
“Why would you ask that?”

I was surprised. Eric and I didn’t normally talk about crushes; they are Brittney’s area of expertise. He blushed slightly, embarrassed by this conversation.
“I was just wondering. You two seem to be avoiding each other recently, did something happen?”

I thought back to that stupid kiss that had made it more awkward in our room. I hated being in their alone with Zeke, we didn’t talk at all. We sat on our beds and pretended to be busy. He had broken up with Lola about two days after the bowling night. I didn’t know the reason but I wasn’t surprised. He would have another girlfriend soon.

“Nope, nothing happened,” I lied.
We chatted for another hour before dinner. I lied and told him I had homework so I could leave earlier than normal. I pulled on a coat; the nights were becoming chilly as autumn progressed. I walked to the training fields; they were only a few blocks away from the dorm buildings and sat on the bleachers. I looked out over the dimly lit athletics track and sighed. Could I really start competing again soon?

After a while I took off my coat and started jogging around the track, trying to clear my mind. Mom still hadn’t rung me yet so I assumed she hadn’t turned off the life support. Mason would never ring me if anything did happen; the hate for me would always be there no matter what happened. When we were younger he would always have more attention from our parents, even before Jess was born. He was the first born, the favorite. Mom had doted on him from the moment she had him. Grandma used to tell me that that was the reason he turned into a snob. Grandma never blamed me for Jess’s death, she was the only one. I stopped running and crouched down. I needed to stop thinking about this; I couldn’t carry on if all I could think about was how I killed my baby sister.

“I thought I would find you here.”
I stood up slowly, wiping my face discreetly as Zeke walked towards me. He pushed his dark hair out of his eyes and smiled slightly.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“Well, you didn’t show up after dinner and I asked your friends if they knew where you were. They didn’t know so I figured you would be here. You do realize that if you train to much you will wear yourself out.”
“That’s not your concern; I can train as much as I want.”
“Are you always this stubborn?”

I rolled my eyes and pushed past him, walking back to the bleachers to grab my coat. He fell into step next to me as I walked back to the dorm. He closed the door behind us as we walked into our room. I sat down on the ground, leaning against the bottom bed.
“Are you competing in the upcoming meet next week?” Zeke asked.
“If Coach thinks I’m up to it.”

He nodded before sitting down next to me. We stayed like this, in a comfortable silence, until the dorm head came around to tell us to go to bed.

On the morning of the track meet I was excited. I had gotten my time down to 10.9 which qualified me to compete. The meet was at our school this time with the other schools in the area. The track team had to wear the school colors, red and white. There were three sprinters from our school, each one for a different length. Casey ran the 200m and Paul ran the 400m. There were also two hurdlers, four marathon runners and a relay team. The relay and the marathon events were up first so we sprinters stretched while we waited. I saw a familiar looking boy in a uniform. I walked over to him, looking down as he stretched.

“I forgot you were a hurdler,” I said.
Zeke looked up and grinned. “Where did you think I went to every morning?”
I rolled my eyes and sat down beside him. The crowd cheered and we both looked over to the bleachers. They were as full as they were going to be, track wasn’t exactly the most watched sport but we did get a lot of students from the competing schools. I saw the girl that was number one at the moment for the 100m sprint. She smirked at me before looking at who I was sitting next to. Zeke was even well known across other schools, along with Aidan but they knew he was taken by Brittney. My competition, Susie Davis, walked up to us and smiled flirtatiously at Zeke.

“Hey Zeke, how’ve you been?” she asked.
“Sorry, do I know you?” Zeke asked, putting his blank face on.
She gave up and turned to me.
“I see you’re trying to compete again. Just to let you know, I broke your record a week after you left.”
“I don’t care what you do, Susie. I will beat you and it will be easy.”

She smirked again before walking off, her dark hair swinging behind her. I tied my own hair up and finally turned to Zeke who was staring at me. I was about to ask him something but the coach blew the whistle, telling me that it was time for me to run. I walked up to the starting blocks along with the other girls in this race. Susie was two people down from me, her eyes determined and serious. I turned to the front, keeping the finishing line in my sights. The gunshot went and we were away. I stayed in front for nearly all of it until Susie came up behind me and passed me just as we crossed the finishing line. Second place, I got second place. I kicked at the grass in frustration. I thought I was ready but I guess I was wrong.

“You did great,” Mr. Kingston said.
I walked past him, grabbed my water bottle and coat before walking away from everyone. I couldn’t face the smug looks from Susie or the pity from my friends. I could see Brittney running towards me and I slowed down.
“Second place isn’t that bad, Jassy,” she said.
“It’s not first place.”
“You don’t always have to come first. You haven’t trained since your accident. You will get better and wipe that stupid look of Susie’s face.”

Brittney, being a cheerleader, seemed to pour optimism and pep into everyone around her. She grinned widely at me and put an arm around my shoulders, steering me back to where everyone was.
“Susie should just be lucky this was a friendly meet otherwise you would have outrun her by miles.”
“The race is only 100m,” I said.
“You know what I mean,” she smiled, still trying to make me smile.
I sat in the bleachers with her for the rest of the meet, cheering on my other classmates. Casey got first place and Paul came third. I fell quiet when Zeke was racing. He jumped so gracefully over the hurdles. Nearly every pair of female eyes was on him as he ran, soaking up the scene.

“Come on, Aidan has a football match tonight. It’s first game of the season.”
“Eric’s playing too,” I said.

She rolled her eyes and we walked back to the dorms. Brittney always made a big deal out of all Aidan’s sports games, even though there are so many. We got ready together in her room since she didn’t have a roommate anymore. The game was held at the opposing team’s school. Brittney changed into her cheerleading outfit while I showered and changed out of my track uniform. Eric had given me the keys to his car so I drove us to the other school since it was too far away to walk. Brittney immediately went to sort out her squad and I went to find a seat. As I walked up the stairs someone waved me over. I rolled my eyes at Zeke but sat down beside him since there was nowhere else. The bleachers were packed with students and parents.

“Their crowd sure is bigger than ours,” Zeke said, leaning closer so I could hear.
The kiss popped into my head and I quickly moved away. The players ran onto the field and Brittney got her cheerleaders into formation. They started a chant while the teams warmed up. I settled back into my chair, not a big football fan. I was just thinking that I should’ve brought a book to read when Zeke pulled one out of his pocket. He saw me eying it and blushed slightly.

“I’m not a big fan,” he said.
“Me neither. What are you reading?”

We talked about his book, which I had already read, while the game started. A huge cheer from the other side of the field told us the opposing team had scored a touchdown. It was impossible to talk to Zeke over the noise of the game and we both leant back in our chairs, him reading his book while I tried to find something interesting to occupy myself with. I found it strangely comforting that Zeke didn’t like football; we had more in common that I could ever think possible.