Love's Not A Competition

I went to training as early as I could and was running my last lap around the track when all the other kids started showing up. I tried not to look but I couldn’t help it. I was shocked to see that Zeke wasn’t with them. He didn’t show up at all. It was unlike him. He never missed training, not for anything. I felt even more guilty than I had before which I didn’t think was possible. Was he missing training just to avoid me? I guessed it wasn’t entirely impossible. He did seem to hate me at the moment.

I took a quick shower in Brittney’s room before heading downstairs. I was heading into the dining hall when I noticed Zeke wasn’t sitting with the usual suspects. He wasn’t even in the dining hall. I sighed before slowly making my way over to my friends, not hungry anymore. I did see that Katie was quiet and sitting moodily next to Eric, her arms crossed over her chest. She glared at me when I sat down and I tried to ignore it but it was very hard.

“Are you and Jesse still together?” Brittney asked Katie.
“Yes,” Katie said. “I don’t blame Jesse for what happened.”

She looked pointedly at me while I kept my eyes on the table. I was glad that they hadn’t broken up even if Katie was angry at me. She would get over it eventually, hopefully. She didn’t seem to want to drown me this time which I thought was a good thing. It was the only good thing that had happened to me in the last two days.

“Jas,” Brittney said quietly.
I looked at her and raised an eyebrow.
“Maybe you should talk to him,” she said.
“He said he didn’t want to see me. I don’t want to get him even angrier at me.”
“I still think you should try to talk to him. What do you think, Eric?”
Eric looked at both of us before sighing slightly.
“I think she should just let him cool down. I’ll talk to him, alright?”

I nodded though I didn’t really want him to. He was just trying to be a good friend. I looked at the clock hanging above the door in the dining hall and got up so I could go and grab my bag from Brittney’s room. I was just walking out into the hallway with my messenger bag slung over my shoulder when I saw Zeke coming out of his dorm just down the hall. He looked up and saw me. Our eyes met and I smiled slightly but he just shook his head slightly and walked off down the hallway. I nearly walked back into Brittney’s room and stayed there but I took a deep breath before heading after him to my first class.

The day passed slowly and I was glad to get back to the safety of Brittney’s dorm. I couldn’t accidentally run into Zeke here. I hadn’t gone to afternoon training. I thought that he might go since he missed it this morning. I didn’t want to see him ignoring me. It was painful enough to watch him walked away from me.

I was just looking through one of my bags when I remembered that my prom dress was still hanging in the closet. I grumbled before poking my head out the door. Brittney was at cheerleading practice so I was alone. Otherwise I would’ve made her go and get it. I didn’t even want to go to prom since I wouldn’t have a date anymore. I knocked on the door but no one answered. I tried the handle and was surprised to find it unlocked. Why hadn’t he locked the door if he had gone out? I poked my head into the room before quickly dashing across the room to the closet. I grabbed the dress and was just walking back across the room when the bathroom door opened. We both froze and stared at each other. I ducked my head before heading towards the door, knowing he wouldn’t want to talk to me.

“Wait.”
I turned and waited for him to continue, trying to push down the surge of hope that had risen inside of me. I took it as a good sign that he had actually talked to me. He ran a hand over his face before handing me a t-shirt that was obviously mine.
“You forgot this as well,” he said, not looking me in the eye.

Of course, I thought to myself sadly, of course. I grabbed the t-shirt and headed out of the room. I dumped the dress and t-shirt on the floor before climbing up to the top bunk, crawling under the covers. He hated me. He wouldn’t want to speak to me. I couldn’t believe I had been such a fool, thinking he actually wanted to talk. I held in the tears though I definitely felt like crying. It was more out of embarrassment rather than sadness. I had let myself hope and I had been let down, again.

Brittney got back about an hour later. I watched as she picked up my dress and hung it in the closet. She walked back into the room with her hands on her hips.
“You better come down to dinner,” she said sternly.
“I’m not hungry,” I said quietly.
“Jasmine, you didn’t eat anything at breakfast, you didn’t have any lunch. You need food. The anorexic look is very unattractive.”
“I didn’t know you were my mother.”
“Don’t be a smartarse. Just get down to dinner.”

She left the room and I slowly dragged myself off the bed. I flattened my hair and walked out of the room. I noticed Zeke sitting at a table with the other kids from the track team. He didn’t even glance up as I walked past his table on the way to my friends. It seemed like we had never even dated, like I had just imagine the whole thing. Had it just been a dream?

“Don’t look now but Zeke is moodily staring over here,” Brittney whispered in my ear.
“I bet it isn’t a good moody staring. He’s probably thinking that he was stupid to ever think I was trustworthy,” I sighed.
“Don’t think like that,” she said. “Did you get a chance to talk to him today?”

“No, he practically kicked me out of the room when I went to go and get my prom dress. I hadn’t even known he was in the room.”
“I talked to him,” Eric said.
“What did you say?” Brittney asked.

“I said that he shouldn’t be so angry since he has cheated on his girlfriends more than one time. And that he had done that purposefully while you had only done it accidentally. He hadn’t been particularly happy and had nearly punched me so had I quickly walked off.”
“Well, that seems productive,” I muttered sarcastically.

It wasn’t that I was ungrateful. I was grateful. It just seemed that Eric could’ve taken a very different approach when talking to Zeke. He definitely could’ve stayed away from the fact that Zeke had cheated on people as well. It just hadn’t seemed to help all that much. Especially since Zeke had gotten angry after Eric had finished. I sighed to myself. Was there no way for him to forgive me? As I walked up to Brittney’s room after dinner, I made a promise to myself that I would try to talk to Zeke tomorrow. I had to make him understand and to forgive me. It might take a long time but I had to try. Because I knew that I couldn’t be without him. I was only happy when I was around him. He was the only person who kept me sane in my life. I crawled into bed and thought about what I would say to him before finally drifting off to sleep.