Little Mini Bert
Gift Horse
Bert absolutely could not believe it. Hundreds of questions were running through his mind at once, but he knew the first thing he had to do was call Quinn. He picked up the phone and dialed the number, hesitating for just a moment before pressing the call button.
“Hello?” He sounded exhausted.
“Quinn! You have to come over right now!”
“Why haven’t you called me back until now?!” Quinn shouted.
“Sorry, but this is really impor-”
“This is important, Bert! I’ve gotten calls from tons of people threatening to call the ASPCA.”
Bert swallowed nervously. “What does that mean?”
“You know damn well what it means!” he yelled. “Police showing up at your house, people protesting our concerts, and them taking the little horse away from you.”
“They can’t do that,” Bert whispered. He glanced at the filly, who was nudging his leg impatiently. He scratched her ears and gave her a sad smile before returning his attention to Quinn.
“They can and they will. Unless you can prove you’re a good owner, that’s what they have to do.”
“Of course I am! Look, can you just come over? You won’t believe this unless I show you.”
Quinn sighed and agreed. Bert shuddered as he hung up the phone and went to wait on the couch.
Ten minutes later Quinn opened the door, letting in a frigid gust of air. Bert hurried over to the table and picked up the two pieces of paper.
“This better be good,” said Quinn, hiding his exasperation. Bert handed the notes to him with an ominous face.
“Look at the letters. Gerard wrote this one, and this one came with the horse.”
Quinn studied each note carefully for a full minute before his eyes widened in shock. He took a few steps backwards and had a difficult time trying to find words.
“Oh my God… How did this even happen?”
“I don’t know,” Bert said miserably, finally letting his voice betray his emotions. “Why would he do something like this?”
“Because I wanted to help you.”
Bert and Quinn jumped at the sound of the voice. Gerard was standing there with a look of pity on his face and the thin white stick of a lemon lollipop dangling from his mouth, a fine dusting of snow on his shoulders. It just then occurred to Quinn that he had forgotten to shut the door.
“What are you talking about?”
“I knew you were still on drugs, and…I wanted to help you.” Gerard closed the door and walked over to Bert. “This was the only thing I could think of.”
“Then I hope you’re happy, because this is all your fault!” Bert shouted. Gerard shook his head as calmly as the situation would allow.
“I didn’t get you into this situation. You did.”
“You started everything, though,” he insisted. He picked up the filly and stroked her ears. “And now, because of you, I could lose the only thing that’s keeping me sane. I wish you’d just stayed out of my life, because I’m better off without you.”
Gerard sighed. “Do you really think that? Do you wish I’d never given you the horse in the first place?”
Quinn was still standing off to one side, studying the two notes. Bert suddenly placed the filly in his arms, afraid he would drop her if he suddenly broke down crying, which was exactly what he felt like doing.
“No…I just wish this wasn’t so fucked up,” he said remorsefully. Gerard placed a hand on his shoulder.
“You’re not a bad person, okay? You just made some mistakes.”
“That doesn’t change anything. They’re still gonna ruin my life.” Bert could feel the tears in his eyes, but he refused to acknowledge their presence even when he started sobbing. Before he could do anything to stop it, Gerard wrapped him in a lemon-scented hug and let him cry.
“I’d n-never let anything happen t-to her,” he sobbed.
“I know you wouldn’t,” Gerard said softly. He pulled away from the hug and smiled. “Just like I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” He pulled the lollipop out of his mouth and gave it to the little horse. She happily took it in her teeth and played with it. Gerard reached into his pocket and handed Bert a small plastic bag filled with a rainbow of candies, then turned and walked towards the door.
“Don’t worry about any of this PETA nonsense. I’ll take care of it.” He opened the door and pulled his jacket tighter around him. “See you around, Bert.”
He was gone. Bert felt his legs begin to quiver, so he sat down on the sofa and breathed as deeply as possible.
“I still can’t believe this,” he muttered to himself. Quinn joined him, still cradling the little filly, careful not to let her swallow the lollipop whole.
“Well, you know what they say,” Quinn said with a surprisingly light tone. He cracked a smile when Bert looked at him with confusion.
“What?”
“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”
“Hello?” He sounded exhausted.
“Quinn! You have to come over right now!”
“Why haven’t you called me back until now?!” Quinn shouted.
“Sorry, but this is really impor-”
“This is important, Bert! I’ve gotten calls from tons of people threatening to call the ASPCA.”
Bert swallowed nervously. “What does that mean?”
“You know damn well what it means!” he yelled. “Police showing up at your house, people protesting our concerts, and them taking the little horse away from you.”
“They can’t do that,” Bert whispered. He glanced at the filly, who was nudging his leg impatiently. He scratched her ears and gave her a sad smile before returning his attention to Quinn.
“They can and they will. Unless you can prove you’re a good owner, that’s what they have to do.”
“Of course I am! Look, can you just come over? You won’t believe this unless I show you.”
Quinn sighed and agreed. Bert shuddered as he hung up the phone and went to wait on the couch.
Ten minutes later Quinn opened the door, letting in a frigid gust of air. Bert hurried over to the table and picked up the two pieces of paper.
“This better be good,” said Quinn, hiding his exasperation. Bert handed the notes to him with an ominous face.
“Look at the letters. Gerard wrote this one, and this one came with the horse.”
Quinn studied each note carefully for a full minute before his eyes widened in shock. He took a few steps backwards and had a difficult time trying to find words.
“Oh my God… How did this even happen?”
“I don’t know,” Bert said miserably, finally letting his voice betray his emotions. “Why would he do something like this?”
“Because I wanted to help you.”
Bert and Quinn jumped at the sound of the voice. Gerard was standing there with a look of pity on his face and the thin white stick of a lemon lollipop dangling from his mouth, a fine dusting of snow on his shoulders. It just then occurred to Quinn that he had forgotten to shut the door.
“What are you talking about?”
“I knew you were still on drugs, and…I wanted to help you.” Gerard closed the door and walked over to Bert. “This was the only thing I could think of.”
“Then I hope you’re happy, because this is all your fault!” Bert shouted. Gerard shook his head as calmly as the situation would allow.
“I didn’t get you into this situation. You did.”
“You started everything, though,” he insisted. He picked up the filly and stroked her ears. “And now, because of you, I could lose the only thing that’s keeping me sane. I wish you’d just stayed out of my life, because I’m better off without you.”
Gerard sighed. “Do you really think that? Do you wish I’d never given you the horse in the first place?”
Quinn was still standing off to one side, studying the two notes. Bert suddenly placed the filly in his arms, afraid he would drop her if he suddenly broke down crying, which was exactly what he felt like doing.
“No…I just wish this wasn’t so fucked up,” he said remorsefully. Gerard placed a hand on his shoulder.
“You’re not a bad person, okay? You just made some mistakes.”
“That doesn’t change anything. They’re still gonna ruin my life.” Bert could feel the tears in his eyes, but he refused to acknowledge their presence even when he started sobbing. Before he could do anything to stop it, Gerard wrapped him in a lemon-scented hug and let him cry.
“I’d n-never let anything happen t-to her,” he sobbed.
“I know you wouldn’t,” Gerard said softly. He pulled away from the hug and smiled. “Just like I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” He pulled the lollipop out of his mouth and gave it to the little horse. She happily took it in her teeth and played with it. Gerard reached into his pocket and handed Bert a small plastic bag filled with a rainbow of candies, then turned and walked towards the door.
“Don’t worry about any of this PETA nonsense. I’ll take care of it.” He opened the door and pulled his jacket tighter around him. “See you around, Bert.”
He was gone. Bert felt his legs begin to quiver, so he sat down on the sofa and breathed as deeply as possible.
“I still can’t believe this,” he muttered to himself. Quinn joined him, still cradling the little filly, careful not to let her swallow the lollipop whole.
“Well, you know what they say,” Quinn said with a surprisingly light tone. He cracked a smile when Bert looked at him with confusion.
“What?”
“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”