Waking the Fallen

Thunder cracked and a lightening bolt pierced the dark night sky, leaving Zacky feeling colder and more alone than he already was. His gaze was cast on the rocky path, and he was intent on keeping it that way. He didn't feel the need to look up -- to look back. He already had his mind set on keeping his eyes on the ground.

Just keep going.

The sky grew even darker and the rain finally began to fall, drenching him to the core. A shiver went down his spine, and he finally picked his head up, looking around.

I don't even know where I am anymore.

"What now?" he muttered, feeling his phone vibrating inside his pocket. He couldn't believe someone was actually trying to make contact with him. Three days was a new record. He wished it was longer. Three days was not enough. He pulled it out, reading the display. Matt. He flipped open his phone, holding it to his ear, not bothering to say anything.

"You there?" the familiar voice asked.

"Yeah."

"Zack, you need to cut this shit. We're all worried about you. She's worried about you." Zacky could hear the concern dripping on his friend's words. It made his stomach churn.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bull fucking shit." There was a long silence between them, and Zacky thought for a moment that he could hang up and Matt might not notice. But before he could put the plan into motion, Matt started talking again. "You need to get yourself together."

"How the fuck do you expect me to that? It's not like anyone's giving me a chance."

"Then what is this right now?"

There was more silence. This was not a conversation Zacky wanted to be having. It was times like these that he wished he was still seven-years-old, drinking milk and eating cookies. Not wandering through the middle of fucking no where.

Matt took Zacky's silence as initiative to continue talking. "I know you think that your life is so hard, and that everyone hates you, and whatever else goes on in your head. But you need to face reality, Zack. The fact is, you have a problem and you need to admit it before anyone can help you."

Zacky felt his blood boil, although his actions didn't match his emotions. He so badly wanted to punch the nearest tree, for his knuckles to break open and blood to spill out so he could be reminded that he was alive. But instead, he found himself sitting down and leaning against the tree, closing his cloudy eyes. The rain was still falling.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, I'm still here."

"Where are you? I'll come get you."

"I don't know."

Matt let out an aggravated sigh, and it made Zacky flinch. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean I don't know where I am."

"Give me fifteen minutes, and I'll call you back, okay?"

Zacky didn't bother answering. He just hung up.

"Can you hear me?"

The voice seemed so far away; he could barely make it out. A groan escape his lips.

"Can you hear me?"

Zacky could feel his body shaking, but he couldn't exactly figure out which way was up, or how to open his eyes. He just let all of his muscle relax, slowly melting back to the ground, despite this person's best efforts to hold him up.

"Fuck..."

Zacky could feel his body being shifted around, scooped up, and carried. Another groan escape his lips, since he could feel his stomach back flipping like an olympic gymnast as he was carried to an unknown destination.

"After all these years, I can't believe it's come to this," the familiar voice said, although Zacky was still too groggy to place it.

"Is he alive?" another voice asked. It had a completely different pitch, and it shook all the wrong nerves inside his body. He knew this voice in an instant. Zacky's eyes shot open, jade green orbs filled with panic.

"Yeah, just look at him." Zacky could finally identify the first voice.Matt. Go figure.

"He looks dead to me."

"No, he's alive. He's breathing. And his eyes are open, when they weren't, like, two minutes ago."

Zacky blinked, and before he knew it he, he was snapping to attention and letting out a scream. "The fuck was that for?"

"You were in a daze, so I poured some water on you," Matt said, trying to hold back a stupid grin. Zacky grunted at him. It was taking every muscle in his body to not look at the girl sitting next to him.

Zacky mumbled something incoherent as he used the back of his hands to wipe the water off of his face. "Why's she here?" His eyes were locked on Matt's via the rearview mirror, and he still refused to actually acknowledge the girl sitting next to him in the back seat as they left the desolate landscape for a more populated area.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?"

Silence.

"Zacky," the girl spoke softly, "You know why I'm here."

"No, Avery, I don't." His voice was bitter, and his gaze was locked on the blurs of trees speeding passed the window. It made him nauseous, but he didn't want to admit that.

"Then I guess for right I'll humor you. I'm here because I care."

"You've got a funny way of showing it."

Avery let out a soft sigh. "Don't be that way."

"I'm not being any way. I know for a fact that you stopped caring about me when you left me for him."

Avery bit her lip, trying to choose her words carefully. She knew she was playing a deadly game with him. "Zack, you and I both know our relationship was going down the drain. Besides, it'd been months since I'd actually seen you. I needed to be with someone who loved me."

His jaw clenched as he grit his teeth, his gaze focused on nothing in particular, although it was deadly all the same. He decided against answering her. He didn't want to lose it. Not here, not now. Not in the back seat of his best friend's car, sitting with his former girl. He wanted to be back in no man's land, left for dead.

Matt decided it was time to say something, before things got too heated. "She's right, Zee. You weren't there for her, Brian was; plain and simple."

"It's not like I didn't try," Zacky said weakly, anguish filling the depths of his eyes.

"No one's saying you didn't." Avery reached over and gently placed her
hand over his, trying to console him. She was passed all the heart ache he put her through; at this point in her life she just wanted some closure, to make sure she wasn't the cause of his downfall.

"Then why him?"

"It's just how life played out," she said, as if she were a fortune cookie.

"So this is it?"

Avery picked up his hand, holding it tenderly in her own, as if she were about to explain something serious to a small child. "You know I loved you, right?" He nodded, biting his lip, not sure where she was going with this. "And I hope somewhere in your heart, you know I still love you. But Zack, you're dangerous. We're just not meant to be together. You need to get yourself together before you can even begin to think about anyone else."

"But-"

"Let her talk," Matt said hesitantly as he pulled on to the nearest freeway.

Zacky fell silent again.

"I just wish it hadn't come to this. I just wish you and Bri could be friends again."

Zacky snorted. "Yeah, right. Like I'd ever talk to that bastard again."

Avery just sighed, wishing she didn't see the look of complete hurt cross Matt's features in the rearview mirror. She never even considered how he felt in all of this, watching his two best friends completely shun each other.

"Life's not a competition. Especially not with your best friends."

"Then why do I feel like I've lost everything closest to me?" he asked, giving her a smart ass look.

"You're hopeless, just shut up and wait until we get to wherever it is that we're going."

The next time Zack had any real idea of where they were was when they pulled up to the gas station nearest there home town, which was always run by a crazy bunch of non-English speaking dudes. His mind swirled around distant memories, one in particular. There was this one time when he and Matt and the rest of the crew were still in high school and they would try and buy cigarettes illegally. Of course, they'd always get carded, so one time Jimmy had had the idea to wear a fake mustache in order to not get recognized. the plan didn't work of course, but it was funny nonetheless.

"Get out," Matt demanded as he opened the back door.

"What're we doing?"

"Getting some shitty convenience store food in you before we get going again."

"Where're we going?"

"Home."

"There's a slight problem in that."

"What?"

"I was evicted right before I left."

Matt snorted, "You really thought I'd let you stay by yourself? Man you really have lost it." Matt started walking, knowing he didn't need to saying anything at this point to get Zacky to follow

"Where's Avery?" he asked, his footfalls falling in step with Matt's.

"I dropped her off like an hour ago. Were you asleep?"

"Something like that."

Matt gave him a disapproving look, although he didn't bother to pass judgement out loud. "Go find something to eat. You have two minutes. Don't try and run off; I will find you."

Zacky just nodded, knowing exactly what he wanted; hot fries and a diet Dr. Pepper. He returned to Matt with thirty seconds to spare.

"You sure that's it?"

Zack just nodded.

"Have you eaten at all while you were out?"

Suddenly the vomit patterned tiles became the most interesting thing in the store. Matt sighed, shaking his head, before walking to the register, Zacky quickly walking behind him.

"You need to confront him."

"No."

"You have to; it's never going to get better if you don't."

"Maybe I don't want it to get better, ever think of that?'

Matt made a threatening noise in the back of his throat, but Zacky stared him down, holding his own. He wasn't going let Matt win this easily. He'd held on for so long, he wasn't about to back down.

"You're such an asshole."

"So I've been told."

"You need to talk to him, asshole."

"Fuck off."

"Get a grip."

They continued to stare each other down, trying to win a battle neither one of them could believe they were having to fight.

"He's not you're oppenent, Zacky. He's your best friend."

"Former best friend. He's dead to me now."

Matt shut his eyes, slowly inhaling so he could calm down. Getting into a screaming match wasn't going to solve anything; it would only make matters worse. "You really need to get over all of this. You're destroying yourself."

"Maybe I should just dye my hair blue, skip town, slap on a fake mustache and start a new life. It sure as hell would make everyone else lives better."

"You're being ridiculous. Do you ever think before you talk?"

"No."

"I didn't think so."

Zack snorted. "Can we go inside now? I don't want to sit in the car all day."

"Fine. You know he's my room mate, right? Or did you forget that, too?"

"I'm aware. Doesn't mean I need to talk to him."

"Have I mentioned you're an asshole?"

"Maybe once or twice."

Matt rolled his eyes, and the two of the got out of the car and walked inside. The place was empty; no lights on, no sounds of any sort.

"You got lucky, Baker. He must be gone for the weekend."

"Good. Now where am I staying? I want to go back to sleep."

"All of your shit is exactly where you left it the last time you crashed here."

Zack nodded and padded off, his footfalls making little to no sound. He was trying to make himself invisible. Maybe if he was quiet enough, Matt would forget he was there, and none of this would matter.

When he entered the guest bedroom, he realized Matt was right -- everything was exactly as he had left it. The rubber duck his little brother had given him was still sitting on the dresser, right next to the twenty bucks he had... borrowed... from Matt's wallet. His clothes were still strewn about the room, and there was the distinct smell of piss and booze emanating from just about everywhere.

How do I live like this?

He shut the door quietly, before leaning his back against it and sliding down to the floor so he was sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest. A shiver coursed over his body as his thoughts became numb and unclear. There was nothing to focus on, nothing at all. Everything went black.

Looks like you've won, Syn, since I'm through playing this game. I quit.