Old Habits Die Hard

I gave you everything I had but got nothing in return. I was always the one there when nobody else was. When your mother was in hospital, your relationships ended, your parents got divorced. I was there. I love you or atleast loved you.

I used to be able to stand by and disregard your behaviour. I was younger then, naïve. It hurts. It hurts to watch you do the same things over a million times like you don't realise you hurt me, or do you? Do you realise that you hurt me and not care?

We're suppost to be bestfriends. We used to be inseparable. It didn't matter what people used to say about us. Even when I was in a relationship I made time for you. I should have never made you my priority when I was only your possibility.

I'm tired of the fights, the nights I cry myself to sleep, the months of not talking. You said that this time it would be better, that things would be different. You always do. They never are. How many different ways do I have to say that it hurts me before you realise?

You said you loved me, that being back with me felt so right, that I was amazing and beautiful, the only one you wanted. Bullshit. Every last word of it, bullshit. You've only ever said what you knew I wanted to hear to get your way.

I should get "total twat" tattoo across my forehead for even thinking that you cared. You had already proved that you didn't a hundred times over. You said that we would always be friend, that you'd be here till the end but when I needed you most, when I needed a friend, you let me down.

Sometimes your closest friend is your greatest enemy and you are mine. When it's good, it's great but when it's bad, I wish you were dead. We always thought we'd look back on our tears and laugh, but we never thought we'd look back on our laughter and cry.

It's strange how often a heart must be broken before the years can make it wise. I'm slowly learning that. You'll never change for no one. You're a coward. You're a coward and a liar and I don't trust you. I don't want you near me. No matter how hard I tried, you kept pushing me aside.

Do you remember when we were best friends? In the begining when you were there for me, when we'd share our every thought, our every smile and our every laugh. Do you remember braking my heart over and over again? I do. I remember that more than anything. I trusted you and you let me down.

You lied to me and the worst thing about that is knowing that I wasn't worth the truth. You were never really that good to me. I was blinded by what I thought we had, by what I wanted. I only thought we were real because I wanted so bad for it to be the truth.

Friendship is like expensive China, once it is broken it can sometimes be fixed but there will always be cracks. For us though, I'm afraid that there is one to many cracks now.