Wasting My Time Dreaming

Sydney

I looked at my clothes, neatly folded in my tiny green suitcase, and tried not to cry. My room, normally filled with the hustle and bustle of my life, was empty, everything packed away and ready to go.

Only Jack knew of my plans, my plans to escape the turmoil that was sure to follow Rian's prompt return. I would get my heart broken, and our friendship would be shattered.

Beside the suitcase, my iPhone bleeped, signaling a text.

From: RiBread Dawson
We need to talk.

Upon reading this text message, my phone began to play the dreaded song I had come to know well, “Heart Heart Heartbreak”, Boys Like Girls.

“Hello?” I whispered, not bothering to check the caller ID. I knew who it was.

“We've got to talk,” Rian said, sounding impatient.

“What is there to say, Rian?” I asked, closing my suitcase and rubbing my temples, coming close to pressing my skull between my jean clad knees. “I made a mistake. And I'm not going to try to fix it. It's broken, and glass can't be fixed.”

“Are you saying we've been on thin ice, Sydney?” Rian said, clearly through gritted teeth.

“Yes. Rian, how could we not be? We've been flirting, and coming so close to being together I actually thought you loved me like I loved you.” I laughed dryly. “I guess not. And I've been needing to get out for a while now. I've been dying here alone. I need to find someone to love, Rian.”

“So you're leaving?!” Rian said, on the verge of yelling. I sighed.

“For the time being, yes. And no, I'm not telling you where I'm going, okay? I'm sick of this constant drama with you, Rian.” I surprised myself with my drama starting gene, but I meant what I said.

“Oh, all the drama with me? How about with you! Some shit is happening with you every five seconds!” Rian screamed, and I felt tears stream down my face. “And you know what? I stopped caring about you a long time ago! I never should have suggested we drive back to Maryland!” He screamed louder, the tears hitting my shirt hard.

“Is that how you feel, Rian?” I whispered, keeping my sobs in.

“No, shit! Syd, no, that's not what I meant!”

“Save it, Rian. The damage is done. If this is what you want, then it's what I want too. Call me when you decide that I actually mean something to you, and I'm not another mistake.” I hung up, the tears making it hard to see. With determination, I adjusted my jeans and GK shirt, grabbing an American Eagle hoodie from the bed, now bare. I threw it on, loading up my car with my belongings. Inside, I could feel my heart breaking, but I didn't care. Not one little bit. I was done, I was finally getting out.

Is this what I wanted?

I decided one thing. If an All Time Low boy calls me in the next twenty four hours and tells me not to go, and that I mean too much, I'll stay. If not, I'm going to where I was going to go. Florida. Where the warm sand might distract me from the boys I loved.

I pulled my iPhone out of my pocket, staring at it intently, and the lock screen I had once loved. The picture of me and the guys, sitting in Kara's pool, with me spread out over all their arms, all of us with smiles on our faces. It was a great picture, and I loved it.

So I changed it. I pulled out a post it note out of my bag, writing my last goodbye to Rian.

Dear RiBread;
I never thought you'd be like my father. I never thought you'd make me trust you, and then hurt me. I always thought you could be the reason I loved life again. And for a while, you were. But we always had an expiration date. And this is it.

Love, Vegas.