Wasting My Time Dreaming

Sydney

I stood in the alley way behind La Club de Vegas, the club that the boys had been playing when my parents took me to here, giving me one chance to make everything change.

“Whoa! Sorry!” The boy said, putting his hands up in a surrender position.

“S-s-sorry. You just scared me,” I said, looking at this boy and trying to remember everything.

“I, uh, heard you crying and wanted to make sure, uh, you're okay,” He said sheepishly, making me blush. I smiled.

The tears falling down my face stung, because I knew that without Rian, I'd be dead. Just another number in the abuse category, but Rian gave me a reason to survive.

I began my walk to the ice cream shop, the harsh Vegas lights hitting me every which way, leaving bruises I'd never see, but could only feel. Is it so awful to want love? Is it wrong to fall in love with my best friend?

“I like you, Sydney. I think we're gonna be great friends.” Rian interlocked our fingers, keeping my nearly dead skin warm.

“I'd like that, Rian.”

“You should come with me to Baltimore, where I live. We can drive across the country, and you know … get to know each other!” Rian said excitedly, and to be honest, I wanted to.

“Lets do it,” I said, smiling.

I got in my car, the faded paint once new, when me and Rian drove from Vegas to Baltimore. I smiled, the tears still streaming down my face. I checked my phone, even though I said I was turning it off. Each of the boys had sent me a text. I read Rian's, since it was different.

From: RiBread Dawson
I wish things could have been different too. I really do. But life just takes its own course. When you find what went wrong, tell me. Cause I want to fix it.

Love,
Rian<3

I saved it, wanting to read it when I wasn't crying my eyes out. Is it so bad, to want to love?

No, it's not.

I began driving towards Baltimore, reliving our own drive.

“I used to be in love,” Rian said, nonchalantly.

“Oh?” I said, my insides squirming.

“Yeah. Before I left to be a star, actually. Kara and I … we were two peas in a pod. But things got complicated when I left, and well … it ended,” Rian said, biting his lip, his eyes never leaving the road.

“I used to be in love too,” I said quietly, looking down at my shoes. “But when he died, my dad and mom started drinking, and abusing me.”

“Who?” Rian asked, turning his eyes to look at me.

“His name was Connor, and he was my dad's best friend's son. And Connor … Connor was like a son to him. But one night … we got in a fight, and he drove home. I didn't know he was drunk … he was drunk! He crashed. Dead on impact.” Tears fell down my cheeks and onto my jeans, I no longer bothering to hide them. Rian reached across the center console, using his thumb to wipe my tears away.

Connor Alexander Cross. Dead. Gone. All my fault.

I had almost forgotten about Connor, having gotten so lost in my new world with Rian. But without Connor's death, I would never have met Rian. I never would have gotten myself into this, sure, but I'd probably be dead right with Connor, the harsh world beating me to bits.