Wasting My Time Dreaming

Sydney

I opened the door, my arms lugged down with all the stuff those street venders in California had sold me. I'll admit it, I'm a sucker for those street venders. Shaking my head, I dropped the cardboard box on the kitchen island, almost snorting at my promise that I wouldn't be here when the boys came home. I was here, a week early. I pulled my phone out of my purse, turning it on with a beep and the flash of the AT&T logo. The first was a text from Alex, a super short one at that.

From Alex:
Hey baby cakes. Feel better yet? Well, I'll be home in a week, and we can make you happy then. ;]

I laughed, going into Zack's message.

From Zack:
Hey sweetheart. I'm sort of at a club right now, but no one really catches my eye. But that's beside the point. Are you okay? I hope so. I've been kind of staring at a picture of you and Rian, where your smile is a mile long. Keep that smile on your face, sweetheart.

I felt a tear prick behind my eyes, but I switched to the next message, one from Jack.

From: Jack Attack:
I love you. Don't you dare forget that we love you, every single guy here on the ATL crew.
Love,
Jack, Alex, Zack, Rian, Vinny, Flyzik, etc. etc.

I let a tear drip down my cheeks before swiping it away with the back of my hand, beginning to unpack my things. I left the pictures that I brought with me in my suitcase, deciding that after those text messages, it hurt too much for me to even look at them. I threw on one of Alex's sweatshirts, since that boy wore so much Axe that it wore off onto his clothes, and curled up on the couch, turning on one of the funniest movies in existence. “The Hangover”. Halfway through the movie, Alex texted me.

From Alex:
watching the hangover and thinking of you. xoxo alex.

I smiled, and curled up tighter in Alex's sweatshirt, finishing off the movie with tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. That movie was the perfect way to make me feel better, even if everything hurt and nothing made sense, me and Rian's favorite movie could make anything better. The thought of Rian made a pang in my chest, and I stood almost robotically, and grabbed a carton of ice cream from the freezer and a spoon, and picked out one of my own all time favorite movies. “Toy Story”, and then I picked out the entire trilogy. I turned on the first movie, laughing along with the words, and knowing most of the character's lines by heart.

“You! Are! A! TOY!” Woody yelled, and for some reason, this hit a pang in my heart, as if I myself was a toy, in the more grown up version of the word. But I laughed none the less, because hey, this was one of my favorite movies. The minute the first one ended, I put in the second one, as this was my favorite out of all of them.

I curled up in a tighter ball, liking the feeling of being home. Back to my home sweet home. And driving through California to get back home was not exactly fun. I looked at the untouched carton of ice cream, a disgusted look on my face. I threw the ice cream back into the fridge and I grabbed a few ingredients from the fridge to make a salad, deciding that all the McDonald's was going to get to me. I gobbled down my salad in front of the TV, watching the end of Toy Story 3 with tears in my eyes. That movie always got to me.

I looked up at the plaque above the garage door, one that Rian's mom had made for us when we moved in. In gorgeous painted letters, she had written “Home Sweet Home”, with painted pictures of me and Rian, on either side of the cherry wood. I smiled, remembering when she had driven out of her way to come see me right before Christmas, giving it to me. She had given me the best piece of advice.

“Sweetheart, boys are stupid. Totally and completely moronic. But if they really do love you, they're gonna let you go and be even more moronic. And if you love them, just hold on for the ride.”

That advice had stuck with me to this day, and it just hit me now how I hadn't followed her advice as I had said I would. I pulled on my messy bun, a sure sign of my frustration towards the world. I bit my lip, thinking over the words she had spoken.

“Sweetheart, boys are stupid. Totally and completely moronic. But if they really do love you, they're gonna let you go and be even more moronic. And if you love them, just hold on for the ride,” I whispered to myself, keeping my hands in my sweatshirt, or rather, Alex's, feeling a cool breeze coming in from the doorway beneath the plaque. I shook my head, laughing at me and Rian's own stupidity. I settled back into my couch, staring at the black screen in front of me, and remembering me and Rian before we got feelings for each other. I couldn't remember anything except before I met him.