Remember My Name

After that day, all I wanted was a picture with you. I toted around my blue plastic camera everywhere with me, trying to get you to take a picture with me, but you wouldn't. There was something about me trying to force you that you didn't like. I just wanted to make up the picture we were supposed to have together; I just wanted to feel like your best friend again. You explained to me after pictures that you didn't know we could take group pictures. You didn't know, and I believed that.

I acted as if I was okay with it. I knew that you had made a mistake, but it didn't change what I felt. It wasn't fair for me to be acting like that, I know. For me to think that you were supposed to choose me for everything, and be with me instead of anyone else, it was selfish and naive. But then again, I wouldn't have felt that way if you hadn't picked me. I can't help but think things may have been different. I wasn't perfect, I know. The year before, I had spilled one of your secrets in anger, and I was extremely sorry for that. We both made mistakes, and if we hadn't maybe things would be different, maybe not.

The next thing I remember is that some how I snapped. I got upset, and this time I didn't hold back. Everything that had been building up inside me came crashing down. We fought -- hard. And by the time everyone was celebrating and heading home for the summer, we weren't talking. A month later, and still no words from either side. Neither of us had a cell phone, Facebook, or a Myspace so communication was hard without full contact. Two months into summer: I was breaking down, wondering if you were out with other friends, laughing about how stupid I was and making fun of me.

It was around August 20th when we started talking again. Maybe it started on the chat site we sometimes used, maybe you called me, maybe I called you. I honestly can't remember, but I do know that we did talk. Then some how everything was okay again. We talked it out, and it wouldn't have mattered what you said because I wanted my best friend back. I wanted the one person I could share everything with and knew me better than anyone else.



Every year in middle school, we had little fights and usually one big one. It was like we were on a schedule. We got over them though. Some were tougher than others, and each fight we went through made me feel like there was something I was doing wrong. And everytime we fought we were brought closer and closer to where we're at now - the end.



We survived for almost six years.