Remember My Name

Middle school: it's often described as the really awkward time and years for kids, but not for me. Those three years of my life I would never take back. For us, I thought, they were the best years. We met unexpected people and went through so much together. I remember the first couple of years were just great; sleepovers, too many mall trips, lots of laughs, some tears, and countless memories. 

Yes, there were fights here and there, but not any that we couldn't pass. You were my best friend and I wouldn't let that change. It seemed to me that everyone knew we were best friends, and that just made me more confident. I felt like I didn't need any other super-close buddies because I thought that I would always have you. 



You didn't feel the same way though, and towards eighth grade year, I started noticing that. You had aquired tons of new friends and some particularly close ones. I didn't want to acknowledge it at the time, but they had become your best friends too. I started to become - what I thought was - jealous. 



I felt like I wasn't your only best friend, and that hurt me. I started to pay way too close attention to everything: the different ways you greeted everyone in the morning, who you would listen to if another person and I were talking to you at once, who you would chose to sit next to, and lots of other stupid tests. It was dumb and I always over-analyzed everything you did or said. By then, I felt like I could just float away and I wouldn't be missed. 



I just began feeling more and more ignored and left out. Sometimes I told you how I felt, and sometimes I just kept it to myself, knowing it would be no use. You didn't think you were leaving me out, and I believed you, and I still do. There was nothing you could have done. I was becoming more and paranoid about everything. Sometimes, when you gave me a completely dead hello in the morning, and then turned around and gave someone else a "jumping for joy" hello, it would throw off my whole day. It just made me even more convinced that I wasn't your best friend anymore. 



Summer came and I was so excited. We could finally get a chance to hang out and reconnect again. I thought maybe we just needed to be together more often, and that would make everything go back to the way it was before. Before you met them; before you slipped away. It never happened though. You went away for at least half of the summer, and when you came back, it seemed like everytime I tried to make plans with you for a weekend, you already were spending it with one of them.

Yes, we were all friends. I had become close with a couple of them, and that started making me feel like we were a group, and for some odd reason that didn't bother me. Not until I started to feel left out again.

That whole summer, we never did meet up. We tried, but the one time we made plans, you wanted to invite someone else to come with us. I wasn't okay with that. I wanted to spend time with you where I wouldn't have to worry about being left out. Obviously, my summer wasn't exactly filled with happy memories.