One Life To Live

I took a breath in, and combed through my hair. I’ve broken a few in the past trying to tear through all this hair, but so far this one was the most reliable. I slicked it back as I usually did, and chucked the comb back on the bathroom counter. I stepped out, and grabbed the maroon t-shirt I set out for tonight.

It was poker night.

I sighed a little; poker night always came on the perfect night. I was feeling off last time when I brought Maria back to my place. Now I frowned, remembering it. I had brought Maria back thinking I could do what I wanted with her without repercussions. When I kissed her with other intentions, I felt a wall come up on me. Suddenly her kisses weren’t enough. Her lips weren’t enough – too thin, not what I was used to.

I was used to Mel’s curvaceous lips – the way she had a habit of sucking her bottom lip in when I’d pull back from kissing her.

My mind got clouded, one-tracked, and Maria didn’t meet the expectations – however unrealistic – I was mentally giving her. That was the precise moment I told her to leave, giving her fifty dollars for a cab ride back home, wherever she lived. That was when she told me, ‘I was making a huge mistake,’ and slammed the door in my face. Afterwards, I told myself I had a lot of emotional shit to deal with. I knew it was bad when other girls couldn’t fix your problem. I was used to that cure before, and it wasn’t working this time.

Yeah, I have a lot I need to deal with.

Which, ultimately, would be a huge kick in the fuckin’ ass for me.

I tightened the belt buckle on my jeans, and told myself for forget about it– oh, for the hundredth time. It was guys’ night tonight and I was going to have fun. Tony, Dean, Jimmy, Kat (okay, guys night except for her. She plays poker better than the rest of us and we kind of just liked to have her around), Paul, and Vinn were coming over at seven to play a couple rounds. Vinn said he was getting the liquor, and I harped at him, telling him to get the good stuff. That bastard owed me. Paul was picking up salami and some finger food at the butcher’s. Jimmy was bringing the poker table.

I had a feeling this was just what I needed.

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“Yo Lance! What’s goin’ on, brother?” Tony Macharelli grinned at me, giving me a half hug.

I returned it, thinking, this man is a monster. He was maybe two inches taller than me – even when I was already 6’4”. His shoulders were an ax handle wide, and it looked like he was taking steroids (which I have yet to prove otherwise). He could break a neck in half if you got on his bad side, and I’ve seen him in action. He was Dad’s first call if we had any dirty work to take care of – the serious shit. The killing shit. Pops usually kept Paul, Vinn, and I from having to do that, so we relied heavily on Tony most of the time. Not that we weren’t able to take a gun out and shoot someone, it’s just that…we didn’t really like to. Preferred not to. Paul and I would rather knock some guy unconscious.

“Nothing, man.” I grinned. “Here for another ass kicking?”

He laughed. “And the shit talking has begun, already? Damn, I’ll have to be gettin’ the big guns out.”

I chuckled with him, and then walked over to help Jimmy with the poker table. He smirked at me, “Thanks for the help.” He cracked.

“Shut your mouth.” I eyed him, grinning.

He shrugged, and the table moved with him. He grinned. “So…who’s all comin’ tonight?”

“The usual. Paul, Vinn, Kat…” I started naming them off.

“Kat?” He questioned. “I thought this was guys’ night.”

“She’s no harm.” I defended. “Plus she’s a wicked poker player.”

He coughed falsely, smiling. “Maybe that’s why I wished she wouldn’t be coming. She’s my only competition.”

“Fuck off,” I chided.

He grinned. Just then, Paul and Kat opened the door with Vinn in their wake. He looked bored and lazy which didn’t surprise me much. I’ve always wondered whether he was adopted or not. No offense to the guy, but, Paul and I were almost identical to Dad and Vinn…doesn’t really have his personality or his looks. My eyes flickered over to Kat, and she looked stunning as usual. Her legs looked like they could go on forever, and she always had a sort of sexy aura around her at all times. No wonder Paul was googley eyes over her. Speaking of the devil, Paul came up to me and clapped me on the back.

“Sup, bro.” He grinned.

I shrugged. “Nothin’. You get me my salami?”

He whacked my arm with it. “Got it. The best kind, too.”

“Carlo’s?” I questioned.

“That is the best.” He nodded in confirmation.

“All right, all right.” I folded my arms across my chest, and smiled slowly.

He grinned. “Good to see ya, bro.”

I raised my eyebrow, “Paul, we live together, idiot.”

“Naw, man. I meant…” He paused, studying me. “To see you having fun. I miss it.”

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A cigarette was teetering out of Tony’s bottom lip and he looked forward to give me a sly, devilish look as he processed what was in his hand of cards. Then he craned his head to the side, and winked at Kat. “You think you got a hand better than mine, little lady?”

Kat was lying on the top of Paul’s lap, strategically consulting her own hand. Kat arched her thin, feline eyebrow, “I think you’re bluffin’, Ton. That’s what I think.” She grinned, her voice laced with bravado – something that came of ease to her.

Tony waggled his bushy eyebrows at her and laid his deck on the table – a straight flush of diamonds. Better than anything I have, I thought groaning, which was nothing at all. But just as Tony lurched ahead to grab his winnings, Kat shot her hand out to grab his forearm, stopping him in his tracks.

“Eh, not so fast,” she purred, a slow smile forming on her lips.

Her cards spilled onto the table, “Full house, boys!”

The whole table moaned in pain – it was one thing to lose to Tony, it was another thing altogether to lose to a girl at poker. Not that we were sexist…it was just embarrassing. I bowed my head and gazed at the two hundred dollars I’d thrown into the pot – I regretted it now. Dean coughed, and pinched his temples leaning toward Jimmy to tell him something with a disappointed expression. Jimmy laughed and punched him in the arm. “C’mon man, give her props! That lady can play.”Jimmy looked across the table at Kat in admiration.

Paul was convulsing with laughter, shaking his head. “Damn it, girl. The guys are getting upset here.”

She pouted her bottom lip in innocence even though I could see the victorious grin in her eyes. She plucked three hundred-dollar bills from the loot, and slipped it under Paul’s shirt collar. He grinned at her, and pulled her by her hips toward him. She lightly smooched him, lingering on his bottom lip. She bent her head back, and sighed. I had to look away – these days I couldn’t stand people in love. Not that Paul would admit to being in love with anyone. It was painstakingly obvious for me.

Maybe what they about people in love knowing when others are in love is the truth.

Tony broke them up, “Hey, hey. ‘Nuff of that damn kissin’ around here.” He smiled.

Paul raised his eyebrow, but Kat just smiled kindly in response. “Oops,” her lips made an ‘o’, and Tony was distracted for a moment.

We all stood up out of our seats, and filtered into the kitchen. Dean and Jimmy stacked their liquor glasses parallel to the sink, and Paul dug in the refrigerator. He plopped the salami, cheese, and crackers onto the table as well as our Ma’s antipasto. Ma made the best antipasto – even better than the Italian deli Paul got the salami from. Tony burped and began cutting the salami into slices. I set my glass of beer down – the hard liquor these days were catching up with me, unfortunately – and leaned against the counter, waiting until the mess was settled.

Jimmy grinned at me, and sidled up to the side of the counter as well. “Hey, man.”

I nodded, “Jimmy.”

He nodded, and then stopped. He peered sideways at me like he wanted to tell me something, but he shook his head, looking forward as Dean munched on his crackers. I sighed, and turned to him. “Tell me what you want to tell me, Jimmy.”

Again, Jimmy looked back at me. “You, ah, see your ex lately?”

I stiffened unconsciously. “A couple days ago. Why?”
He wrung his hands – his gesture he makes when he’s nervous. “At the party?”

“Yeah, the party your cousin had. Why?” I was getting tired of the questions he was directing at me. I was impatient when someone held information I didn’t know. Especially my girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend, that is.

“Well. You know Greg.” He paused.

“Yes I do.” My jaw set as I waited for him to tell me.

“I, ah, talked to him the other day and saw him in Central Park…with your Melanie.” He scratched the back of his neck, his eyes flickering to me as he awaited my response.

I didn’t move. That was the guy she was dancing with at the party. He must’ve gotten her number – asked her out on date. A taste of bitter copper was in my mouth. No. Nobody gets to go out with her when I can’t. Who the fuck did Greg think he was – mooching in on my woman? Why the fuck didn’t someone tell me sooner? Did they think I was a fucking sissy? That I couldn’t handle the truth?

“What the fuck?” Was all I could really think at the moment.

He cringed. “I’m sorry, man – if I would’ve known—”

Heat scorched down my chest, and I gripped his shirt. “Why the fuck didn’t anyone tell me about this!?” My voice rose in anger as I beseeched him. Everyone from the middle island table paused their conversations to look over at me.

“I-I didn’t know, man!” Jimmy said, raising his hands defending himself. “I just saw it yesterday!”

Paul stepped in – I didn’t even see where he came from. He grabbed my hand and loosened it off Jimmy’s shirt. “Hey, what’s going on here?”

Jimmy gulped. “Paul, Paul I was just telling him that I saw—”

“Melanie,” I said in a deadly monotone.

“—Melanie at Central Park the other day. W-with Greg, my cousin?” He explained to Paul.

Paul frowned at Jimmy, and crossed his arms. “Jimmy, why would you bring that up?”

“Why would he bring it up!?” I backlashed at Paul, my eyes flashing. “Why the fuck didn’t anyone tell me?!”

Paul, exasperated, turned to me. “Lance, she shouldn’t be your concern anymore.” He said calmly.

That was it. That was the last straw. “NOT MY CONCERN? She’s my girlfriend! She’s MINE.” I yelled.

Paul just glared at Jimmy and murmured a curse word under his breath. “Now you’ve done it.”

“NO ONE. Not even your cousin,” I stabbed a finger at Jimmy, “has right to her.” My sight was only filled with red-hot rage.

Kat moved forward so that she flanked Paul. “Lance, we understand that you still have feelings for her, but—”

“Fuck right I still have feelings for her! The only fucking reason we broke up was because of THIS!” I threw my hands around, gesturing to everyone, to the atmosphere, to the city that was outside. “Because I’m in the fucking mafia! That’s why she broke it off!” My shoulder moved up and down, my chest growing two sizes. I couldn’t stop – something switched off in my brain. “We were HAPPY!! I was in love with her, Goddammit!” I slammed my fist on the marble countertop, not feeling the pain because of my adrenaline. “She’s MINE!”

Everyone was staring at me, the room was dead silent you could hear a needle drop. I focused just on Paul and no one else. My eyes watched his, and he turned to Kat. Kat tilted her head, and pursed her lips at him. With no other words, she stepped forward to me and placed her delicate hand on my bicep. “C’mon, Lance. Let’s go have a drink.”

“I don’t want a fuckin’ drink.” I said, but my voice went down an octave. My shoulders slumped and all the pent-up bad feelings I’ve been harbored took me over. I just wanted her back. That’s all I really wanted. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.

She rubbed my arm. “Well, then we can talk to Syd and the guys. Huh? Yeah, c’mon. Let’s go. Jimmy, Tony? Play another round of Poker and tally up who my competition is,” she winked, “we’ll be back.” She added lightly.

I was silent as she led Paul and I out of the apartment.

Yeah, I had a lot of shit I needed to deal with.

And I had one person in mind that I had to confront about it.

Melanie.