Untouchable

“I bought you something for tonight’s risky adventure in clubdom.” Emma shoved a party dress into Selena’s hands. “Put it on and let’s get out of here.”

“Emma, aren’t you going to answer your phone? I thought you were supposed to be with Taylor tonight?” Selena watched mutely as Emma picked up her phone and pressed the ignore button. “Was that him? You can’t just ignore his phone calls. If he keeps calling you like that it must be important.”

Emma observed her outfit in the body-length mirror. “Don’t care and don’t want to talk about it. Does this look good on me?”

Selena sighed. “Yeah, it does. But that’s not the point. If you really loved him, you wouldn’t be ignoring his calls and, I’m assuming, avoiding him.”

Emma gritted her teeth together. “You being in love with Kellan doesn’t make you an expert on all relationships. If Taylor can’t accept me having new friends then he can wallow in his self-pity and I won’t feel guilty.”

Selena gripped Emma’s shoulders and turned her around. “Can you hear yourself right now? Is the real Emma in there somewhere? Because all I see is a bitch.”

Emma laughed lifelessly. “Are you going to put that dress on?”

“No, Em! What’s wrong with you? Are you on some kind of drugs?”

“Just because I refuse to let someone rule my life doesn’t make me a suspected drug user. I should really ask what’s wrong with you for thinking that. Don’t you know your best friend?” Emma texted a reply on her phone and pushed it back into her clutch bag. “Logan’s coming to pick me up in a few minutes. Are you coming or not?”

Selena gaped at her best friend. She seemed like an alien. “Logan? Em, are you seeing another guy behind Taylor’s back?”

“He’s a good friend of mine and I won’t feel guilty if I want to go out and have a good time with him. It’s not like we have sex or something.”

“But you flirt with each other?”

Emma smiled mischievously. “Occasionally, yes. You should try it, Sel. It gives me such a thrill flirting with someone again. It makes me feel alive!” She spun around in front of the mirror.

Selena could not mask the disappointment in her eyes. “I refuse to cheat on my boyfriend, because I love him. I know how to keep a commitment to someone. What you’re doing is wrong and I refuse to let you go tonight. Do you know what you’re saying? You’re saying that you’re tired of Taylor and you don’t love him anymore; you’re saying that you have feelings for someone else that you’re only supposed to have for him.”

Emma snickered and applied red lipstick. “I’m actually having fun for once in my life and now I see why my sisters are never home.” She stared at the purity ring on her left hand. “I may have to re-think my vow of abstinence.”

Selena pushed Emma into a sitting position on her bed. “Stop it, Em. You’re not taking that ring off under any circumstances and you’re not going with Logan to that club.”

A car horn sounded off several times outside and Emma stood up. “I have to go. If you have any sense, you’d come with me. But obviously you’d rather stay at home with your perfect little boyfriend than spend the night partying with me.” She strode to the door and Selena gripped her shoulder.

“I can’t believe you, Emma. After all the things Taylor’s done for you and all the things you told him you would never do to him, including break his heart, here you are doing them all at once. You’re pathetic.”

Emma ground her teeth together. “I’m done letting people control my life. I didn’t ask for a best friend and a soul mate to enter my life in the same week. I’m seventeen and I’m not ready to be thirty!”

Selena furrowed her eyebrows slightly. She didn’t have the slightest clue to what Emma was referring to. “Em, what are you talking about? If you’re overwhelmed with all of this, you should talk to Taylor about it, not go out and cheat on him.”

Emma slammed her fist into the door frame and spun around. “Stop saying I’m cheating on him! I’m not doing anything unfaithful to him. Is it so wrong for me to want to be happy? I’m sick and tired of sharing my happiness with someone else or trying to impress someone. I want to be able to do something for me and not for someone else. It’s my life, damnit!” She fled down the staircase and reached to unlock the door when Selena spoke once more.

“If you leave this house, you’re not my friend anymore.”

Emma cringed slightly, but trudged forward. “Then I guess we’re not friends anymore.” She slammed the door behind her, making a wave of air hit the back of her body. She couldn’t believe that Selena would say those things to her. Was she horrible for wanting to be free of strings and happy for herself? She had no feelings for Logan, or she told herself she didn’t. What was the difference; did it even matter? Emma stepped off the porch and into vehicle idling in front of her.

The club music made Emma’s head throb and she wasn’t liking being in that kind of atmosphere. Cigarette smoke swirled around the air and it was making her sick to her stomach. The bar was full of half-dressed celebrities with revealing dresses on and Emma suddenly felt majorly out of place.

“Can we go, Logan? I don’t think I like it as much as I thought I would.” She walked close to him like a scared child.

Logan laughed softly. “We just got here. You wanted to have fun and this is how I have fun. I’ll get the drinks and you go wait by the dancefloor. It’s down those stairs.” He pointed to the staircase landing where the top of the railing was visible.

The “Evacuate the Dancefloor” remix blasted through the speakers as Emma strode down the steps into the main club area. To say it was crowded would be an understatement. Paparazzi were scattered across the room and as soon as they caught sight of her, they snapped several shots. She blinked rapidly to evade the sunspots that were forming in her sensitive eyes. The thought of her picture being published in the morning paper or posted immediately to Perez Hilton or JustJared never crossed her mind.

Logan returned with tall glasses of alcohol in his pale hands. “It’s so easy talking the bartender into giving me free drinks whenever I want them. If these don’t get you wasted, I don’t know what will. After about three, they knock me so far out that I don’t remember what my name is.” He forced the glass into Emma’s hand. “Drink up.”

Emma hesitated and held the glass away from her. She could already feel the camera flashes going off. “Logan, I can’t. What about Taylor? He’s already pissed off at me. And Selena’s not even my friend anymore. There’s still a chance I can get them to forgive me.” She turned to go, but Logan grasped her arm.

“You’re going to go beg them for forgiveness just so they can keep you from being happy again? Em, we’re here because you’re unhappy with your life and you wanted to experiment with new things, which includes me.” Emma smiled genuinely. “Stay for a while and have a few drinks with me and if you still want to go home after that, I’ll call a cab for you. What do you say?”

Emma eyed him flirtatiously and guzzled down the contents of the glass. She shook her head from the weird sensation of alcohol forcing itself down her throat and shoved it back in his hand. “Show me how you have fun.”

Emma couldn’t remember where she was or what she was doing, but she was doing it. She was dancing promiscuously against Logan, and as far as she could tell, he was almost as drunk as she was. The smoke in the club seemed to have multiplied and the music made her dizzy. And yet, she didn’t care. She laughed maniacally with pleasure streaming in her veins. She flipped her hair back and took a jello shot from the tray that was being carried around, slamming it into her mouth. She stumbled to the left and Logan clumsily caught her.

His eyelids drooped and he hiccupped. “I do believe you’ve had a little too much to drink, young lady.”

“I do believe it is your fault. It’s so hot in here!” Emma picked her hair up lazily with one hand and swiped at the back of her neck, missing it completely.

“I could easily take care of that.” Logan pulled Emma closer with little force and kissed under her ear, moving quickly to her neck.

Emma squirmed in his sloppy grip, but the alcohol consumption made everything blurry and her reflexes entirely too slow. “Stop,” she protested, but he wasn’t stopping. He moved to the hem of her dress, grasping it with his fingertips. Emma’s head pounded and she informed him to stop once more, but it was a strangled whisper that was caught in her throat. She felt her body being dragged into a room and that was silent compared to the rest of the club. “Let go of me,” she screamed, but it was faint and mostly inaudible.

She felt Logan’s cold hands run up and down her legs and she screamed, but it was nothing more than a squeak. She yelled for Taylor, she yelled for Selena, she yelled for anyone. It was pointless; she’d made the wrong decision once again and no one could help her. She suddenly didn’t feel so hot anymore, but cold and scared.

Emma loved Taylor with every part of her. Why would she do this to him? There was no point to it. It was stupid and reckless; it was so unlike her. She never thought that she would be this irresponsible—so much like her sisters. It was hard to imagine herself with a boy she knew for a mere week and being too drunk to keep him from forcing her to have sex with him.

Her dress was slipped over her head and her intimates were revealed, a strong contrast to her pale skin tone. No matter how much she continued to protest against his intentions, he pressed on willingly. She felt the air lift from her lungs when he spread his body out on top of her. His cold skin against hers gave her goosebumps. She hadn’t noticed that he was down to his jeans until she tried to lift him off of her with her palms. The harder Emma pushed, the more he kissed her.

Logan moved to her lips and kissed her for the first time since he’d started using her as a sexual release. It was wet and coated in liquor, making her stomach churn. It wasn’t meaningful or loving or any of the things that Taylor’s kisses made her feel. It was purely desire and lust. On the inside, she was begging for God to send someone to save her from this. Emma felt helpless and the only thing left for her to do was cry.

The sobs started to shake her terrified, petite frame violently, but Logan didn’t seem to take notice. The dim light from the small room made her purity ring sparkle, making her think of Selena. What would she say if she could see her best friend now? She’d say Emma was a slut and a disappointment in her eyes; she’d say that she would never forgive her and neither would Taylor.

The thought of Taylor’s tortured face when he would see the online gossip websites or the morning paper only caused more pain in her chest to develop. Emma loved him and she wanted nothing more than to be with him right now. Why had she agreed to come with Logan? Why hadn’t she heeded Selena’s advice? She had no one to blame but herself for being so reckless.

The lighting in the room changed to a pinkish hue and she thought of the day at the carnival. She had watched the sunset from the top of one of the biggest Ferris wheels she’d ever seen with the boy she loved with all her heart. Where had she gone wrong? Why was she here with someone who could care less whether he raped her or not, even when she begged him not to?

Logan was quickly tiring of their clothes being such a pestering barrier. Emma was surprised when he stood, hoping he had come to his senses. She knew that it was the liquor that had given him such courage, but as long as he was intoxicated there was no hope that she would escape the room still a virgin. Considering what Logan had already done to her, she could hardly even refer to herself as a virgin anymore. Even on the off-chance that she could get him to reconsider having compulsory sex with her, she could never look at herself the way she used to. The smile in her eyes would be jaded and lackluster; the shine in her hair would be dull and flat. Her soft skin would glow guilt and no matter what she would wear, she would always feel like a whore. No matter how many times she would tell herself it wasn’t her fault even though she knew it was, she would still be a whore. She would scrub away at her skin and her hair, yet still she would never be able to get the scent of liquor and drunken sex off of her exposed body. It would linger around her like the hangover she knew that she would acquire the following morning.

The hope Emma had that Logan was going to stop evaporated. Instead, he reached for his jean’s zipper and hastily yanked it down, unbuttoning his waistband after. Emma sobbed harder. She couldn’t watch him anymore; she turned her head to the side and closed her eyes tight, wishing to muster up enough strength to fight through her drunken haze. When she didn’t feel him climb back on top, she stared back in his previous direction. He was bent down, shadowing her frame. He toyed with the band of her underwear, and Emma reached down to keep a hold on them. She wasn’t going to let Logan have his way with her without a fight.

Unfortunately, once he comprehended that he may not be able to force her into intercourse he pinned her arms down and slammed his body down onto hers. Emma had lost all feeling in her legs and there was no hope in using them in her defense. Logan resumed kissing her and touching her inappropriately with more force than before. Once he reached for Emma’s underwear again, there was nothing left for her to do but beg.

“Logan, please. Don’t do this to me.” Emma’s fragile voice cracked from the heart-wrenching sobs she was emitting. Emma knew that this was not the real Logan. If he were sober, he would have never tried doing this to her.

Logan glanced at her for a brief moment, realization crossing his features. He finally understood what he was doing to her. He whispered her name with a heartbreaking tone, “Emma…”

Before he had time to rise from her body, Kellan entered the room with an anxious expression displayed on his features. “Oh, I’m sorry, have you seen…Emma?” Emma’s cries rapidly quickened and Kellan’s expression phased into disgust and disapproval. He grasped Logan by the neck and shoved him off of her. Picking up her dress from the floor, he said, “Your boyfriend’s worried sick about you. But you seem to be just fine.” He threw the dress at her. “You disgust me.”

Emma ineptly donned the dress and stumbled to her feet. “Please don’t tell Taylor about this, Kellan.”

Kellan stared at her in utter disbelief. “You think I’m just going to tell Taylor about this? I’m telling Selena and I’m gonna let Taylor beat the fuck out of this piece of shit.” He kicked Logan with his foot, who was doubled over and vomiting on the carpet.

Emma felt her mind begin to uncloud and the numb feeling in her limbs was replaced by a sudden aching in her head. “Don’t hurt him! He didn’t know what he was doing; he’s wasted.”

“And so are you. There’s no excuse for what you’ve done. Taylor’s never going to forgive you for this.” Kellan informed, confirming Emma’s worst fears.

Logan’s vomiting subsided and Kellan commanded him to put his clothes back on. He haphazardly wiped his mouth and did what he was told. Emma’s crying had not ceased and her eyes were as red as a fresh tomato.

Once he was dressed, Kellan escorted both of them out of the private room and back into the main club area. It was even more crowded than before and Emma guessed that it had to be close to three in the morning. Her purse and Logan’s jacket lay abandoned in their booth from earlier in the night. She crossed the room to retrieve it and it was 4:15 A.M. That was the exact time that Taylor had called her to apologize for being wrong after he broke up with her. It was also around the first time that they shared their first kiss. She had felt fearless and madly in love. But now she felt dirty and used like a prostitute that was in desperate need of a medical clinic.

The music pounded heavily in her ears and she could only imagine how Logan felt—most likely scared, alone, remorseful for what he had done and what he had caused. She was sure he never meant to become a blocking force between her and Taylor. And even though she couldn’t admit it to herself, Logan was under the impression that she didn’t currently have a boyfriend. If anyone was to fully blame, it was her. Selena had been right; Emma had been cheating on Taylor and she was pathetic for it.

Emma stumbled on the steps through her tears and Logan held her waist as she ascended, keeping her steady. Kellan grimaced disapprovingly at the showing of chivalry. Logan quickly detached himself from Emma and she began to sway once more.

Kellan held the car door open for both of them. “If you need to throw up, tell me so I can pull over. I don’t want to ruin my seats with your vomit that’s full of betrayal.” He stared down Emma, making her feel as though she had shrunken in size. He turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the curb.

Impenetrable silence filled the vehicle and Emma wrapped her arms around her waist. The stoplights passed endlessly, the colors bending onto the windshield and flooding into the interior. Emma watched the slight rain rush down the window like the raindrops were in a race against each other.

“What were you thinking? I thought you loved Taylor. I really believed that you would never be the type of person to betray him this way. Do you know how much this is going to hurt him?” Kellan yelled at her, anger painfully noticeable in his features.

Emma felt her stomach churn from something other than the alcohol. “Yes, I do! Believe it or not, I do know how much it’s going to hurt him! Did I anticipate on getting drunk and almost having sex with someone I’ve only known for a few days? No, I didn’t!”

“Why couldn’t you have listened to Selena? She would never lie to me.”

Emma’s anger thickened and she seized the opportunity to change the spotlight from her to someone else. “You think she’d never lie to you? Sweet, little, innocent Selena. She never does anything wrong, does she? Why can’t I be this, why can’t I be that; everybody wants something from me!”

Kellan drove faster. “Has Selena lied to me?”

Emma laughed sarcastically. “No, of course not! She would never do that. You’re her perfect Kellan, the one she loves, her everything.”

“You’re drunk, Emma! You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Selena didn’t try to kill herself.” Emma paused from reflex and trudged on. “Steven’s been abusing her since she broke it off with him and you were just too stupid to notice it.” Emma hiccupped. “How’s that for betrayal?”