Oh, Brother

Things went bad in Spain. Well, bad for Dad, at least. Charlene left him for some guy with an even bigger bank account and what Reece said was a sexy accent. I didn’t see what was so great about it, but she insisted.

“There’s nothing sexier than a foreign accent… well, unless it’s German,” she explained. “And his muscles didn’t hurt. Or that hair. Did you see his hair?” I didn’t like where this was going.

“Just two months ago, she vowed to stay with him, forever. No matter what. And now she just up and left.” That bothered me more than it should. I’d never liked Charlene much, but she had made Jeremy happy.

And now, there was nothing to keep him from spending all day with Reece and me. I loved my father, but…

Reece only had two more weeks with us, then she was going back home for the start of the fall semester. I wanted all the time with her I could get.

That kept me up at night. I spent hours doing my best to kill the daydreams I was inflicted with, to make myself love Reece in a brotherly way instead of…

And what’s worse is that I could feel this pull toward the other room where she slept. Once, I even got out of bed on the pretext of getting a drink from the kitchenette, just so I could look at her. She was so peaceful, the complete opposite of me.

I hated myself. I truly did. And I wanted to hate Reece for making me feel this way, but I just couldn’t do it. It wasn’t her fault. I wasn’t sure whether I was glad she didn’t seem to return the feeling or not. I should be, I knew that. But part of me wished for things that couldn’t be.

And I hated that she didn’t seem to mind suddenly having Dad tag along on all of our little adventures. It just wasn’t the same with him. We didn’t joke around like we used to, we didn’t do ridiculous things like trying on silly tourist hats and posing for pictures. I had started to think of those activities as purely Reece. But I saw now that she had a more serious side. And that made me like her even more.

The worst part, though, was that she paid attention almost exclusively to Dad. Instead of being the only person she really talked to, now I only got a rare smile. I knew that it was just because she felt bad for him and wanted to keep him from hurting. It was incredible, that she cared so much about a man she’d just met, but she put all of her energy into keeping Dad occupied.

“I’m actually kind of glad to see the last of her,” he said one day. “She was a little clingy. Besides, now I can really get to know you, Reece.” At that, Reece laughed and looked uncomfortable. I was surprised that she didn’t feed him one of her usual lines about how good it was that he was healing, or that she was glad to be with us. Reece, I’d learned, cared about others much more than most people did. She must have been a psychologist in another life or something, because whenever anyone, even a complete stranger, looked down, she took them under her wing and offered an ear.

So what was going on?

I cornered her in the hotel on one of the rare days when Jeremy stepped out. “Why have you been avoiding me?” I asked, then cussed. I sounded like a whiny little girl.

“Avoiding you?” she echoed. “I haven’t been-”

“The hell you haven’t!” I interrupted angrily. She looked down, away from my eyes. She looked miserable and I instantly felt terrible. I wanted to comfort her, somehow, but not at the cost of answers.

“I just… I can’t… I need to get out of here.” Reece ran across the room and was gone. I tried to follow her, but she was fast. It took me a while to hunt her down.

When I did find her, she was on the phone in one of the stairwells. “You don’t understand! You’re my best friend, but sometimes you can be so thick. I can’t just tell him that-” Tell who what, I wanted to scream. But she didn’t finish her sentence. The other person on the line- Seraphina, I guessed- must have cut her off.

Reece listened for a minute while pulling at fraying strands hanging down off of her shirt. “If he finds out, he’ll never forgive me. I don’t think I can take that. Sera, I think I love him,” she finally said quietly. The apocalypse could have started and in that instant I wouldn’t have noticed. I was floored. My heart beat uncomfortably fast and my stomach did gymnastics and I was at once on cloud nine and feeling miserable. This was a miracle, but at the same time, I’d almost hoped she hadn’t returned my feelings. That way she wouldn’t have to put up with secrecy and deceit, or societal shunning.

And what didn’t she want to tell me? She sounded so miserable… what secret could she have that was so bad?

“I hate this. I should take the next flight to America. I’m sorry, I really am. But this is all wrong.” My heart started pounding. I was supposed to have one week left with her. I couldn’t have that getting cut short.

Or maybe this was good, I tried to convince myself as I walked slowly back to the hotel room. At least she wouldn’t be there, tormenting me. Making me need her in ways I had no business needing.

But if this was so good, why was my heart twisting up, writhing, in my chest? I stopped walking halfway down the hall and slid down the wall. This was wrong. Everything had been wrong since Reece came.

And somehow, beneath it all, I was more content, more alive, than I’d ever been.

How could she just go away? If she- my heart still raced when I thought of it- loved me, how could she just go?

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up. There was Reece, looking concerned. “You’re leaving.” It slipped out.

She didn’t deny it, and the wrenching, agonizing contortions of my heart worsened. I looked up at her, slipping a careful mask over my features. If she could leave so easily, I wouldn’t be the fool begging her to stay.

She packed her bags that night.