Lima Loser - Part Two.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. As the blonde haired guppy-lipped male/female walked into the classroom, I thought to myself Hmm…I’ve never met a Bieber impersonator before… and I didn’t really understand what would possess a person to want to impersonate a teenaged boy living in a ten-year old body. I noticed that everyone else was staring as well, so I didn’t feel as creepy.

“Alright, class,” Mr. T began. “Today, we have a new student. I want you all to give a warm welcome to Sam Evans.”

I heard a few girls giggle uncontrollably, and even a fangirly scream. Some others just said a quick or unenthusiastic “Hey, Sam” and a few douchey guys coughed and muttered “fag” under their breaths.

“Okay, Sam, you can take a seat over there across from Tina,” Mr. T instructed him. I immediately turned around to see that “across from Tina” was directly behind me. Oh, man, I was going to have fun with this.

Sam awkwardly walked back to where the empty desk was. Mr. T continued to teach and I listened, but as soon as he handed out worksheets and told us to work in pairs of two, I swung around in my seat and stared into the wide eyes of Just…er…Sam.

“Well, hey there, newbie,” I smiled.

“Uh, hi,” he waved a little.

“Partners?”

“…Sorry, I’m not looking for a relationship right now,” he said, completely missing my point.

I gave him a “duh” look. “Were you not listening to what Mr. Teller just told us?”

He shook his head. “Not really. I’m a little intimidated by this school. They all stare like I’m the Loch Ness Monster or something.”

“With those lips, you have to be some kind of sea creature,” I chuckled. He gave me a hurtful look, and I coughed before muttering a quick “sorry”.

“Am I going to have to wear a mask here to cover these babies up?” he pointed to his massive lips.

“Possibly,” I shrugged. “You’ll get used to it, though. I was the new kid once upon a time…”

“And now?” he asked with a hopeful look on his face, as if my answer depended on his social life.

“Now I’m dating the hottest stud at this school,” I bragged, and then became more serious. “Listen, kid. You wanna go far? Join the football team. You’ll be at the top of the social ladder in no time.”

“Seriously?” he raised an eyebrow. I nodded. “Anything else?”

“Fuck bitches, get money,” I told him, but then laughed. “Nah. You’ll do fine here.” I began to turn back around, but before I did, I smirked a little. “After all, you are every eight year old’s fantasy…Bieber.”

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The bell rang sooner than I’d expected, and as soon as it did, I was on my way to find Puck. I roamed the hallways until I finally spotted him in the cafeteria, talking to Finn and devouring a cookie. I approached the two of them, and Puck pulled me in as well as wrapping his arm around me.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Just discussing the new kid. Apparently, he’s one of those surfer/lifeguard types,” Finn replied, and then looked deep into thought. “They can be good at football, right?”

I laughed at how desperate WMHS was for new football players. The team sucked more than an Asian hooker. “I met the guy. He definitely looks like a surfer.”

“So, you talked to him?” Puck asked in a jealous tone.

“Not really. Just told him his mouth was huge and that the only way to be popular was to join the football team,” I shrugged.

Finn immediately high-fived me. “That’s the spirit!”

“I also cracked a few Bieber jokes before the bell rang,” I smirked.

“What? Why?” Puck gave me a strange look.

“You’ll know exactly what I mean when you see him.” As soon as that was said, Sam came into the cafeteria, looking lost and confused and scared shitless.

Puck immediately burst into laughter. “And to think, I was jealous of that for at least thirty seconds.”

“I didn’t know Justin Bieber went to this school…” Finn widened his eyes. “Hell, I didn’t know Justin Bieber even knew where Lima was…”

“Well, there you have it,” I pointed. “The new kid. He’s kinda shy.”

“Not for long,” Finn began to walk away. “I’m going to introduce him to something I like to call the Titans.”

Once Finn was gone, I turned to Puck. “Jealous, huh?”

His face turned a little red. “Did I say that out loud?”

“’Fraid ya did,” I poked him on the nose. “Trust me, Sam’s not my type.”

“That’s his name?”

“Yep,” I nodded.

“Sounds pretty gay to me,” he rolled his eyes. The bell then rang, and the students around us began to trudge out of the cafeteria with their bookbags on their backs, looking SUPER DUPER STOKED to go to their next class. Note the sarcasm.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover,” I winked. “Don’t worry. Kurt will give us the 411 as soon as his gaydar goes off.”

“I don’t doubt that for a second,” Puck chuckled, then looked up at the clock. “Do you have Spanish now?”

I nodded. “I’ll see you at lunch, okay?”

“Okay, babe,” he smiled before leaning down to kiss me. We then exited the cafeteria and walked separate ways toward our classrooms.