That Girl

I am the girl everybody thinks is content and happy with who she is. If only they knew the truth, that inside I'm still that terribly shy, apprehensive and afraid girl, that I've always been. I changed, I changed for you. Yet everything is still the same, it's just how I act on the outside that's different, I promise you.

They don't understand how easy it is to just hide everything away, and I do mean everything. The nightmares, the pain, how much it hurts me to be here, to act like nothing is wrong. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't built up this facade, that you hadn't changed me in this way but then at the same time I realise that if I hadn't, I wouldn't know some of the people I do today. I wouldn't have got to where I am, in sport or work, I probably wouldn't even be here because some of those people, they showed me that people do care and that there is still hope and love in this world. I never would have met George, Hails, Tanz and Pegi, who have all shown me how much someone else can care from the moment they meet you. Without any of my friends I never would have even thought to pursue my dreams or even think of drawing again.

In reality this other side of me is who I should be, and who I should want to be. it's given me success so far, but happiness not so much. The lying, hiding my past and half of my life from everyone is starting to really take its toll on me both mentally and physically. I just hope that one day I can trust and believe in myself, finally be myself. No more hiding behind facades, no lies, no cheating, just me truly and completely happy.

I am the girl with a broken smile, look closely enough and you might just see. I am the girl who will always claim to be "fine" when questioned. I am the girl forever hidden away inside myself.