Love 'n' Stuff

Matt

When I woke up, I could feel something snuggled into my back. Whatever it was was breathing regularly and therefore, I was pretty sure it was asleep. My head started pounding as soon as I opened my eyes, and I wondered if I’d brought somebody home last night. It wasn’t like me, but I’d done it before, stupidly, and they’d all been pretty pissed off when I refused to sleep with them.

I groaned as the sliver of light coming in from under the curtain attacked my sensitive eyes, and whoever was behind me stirred at the sound. Part of me wanted to freeze and let him – surely a him – sleep longer, put off dealing with whatever stranger was going to coldly say goodbye and pointedly not ask for my number this time, but I realised in some logical part of my brain that my hangover was only going to get worse as the day went on and I’d be better off dealing with him now.

I nudged my arm backwards, elbowing whoever it was gently, and he groaned as he woke up. I rolled over, trying not to move my head too much, to see who it was, and my heart sank as I saw the shock of black hair, the blue eyes.

It had been two weeks since I’d made out with Freddie in his bed, and every time I saw I had woken up with someone else, my heart sank. How had I started crushing on my best friend?

Jack

Freddie and I sat in the sitting room, the TV on some generic music channel, waiting impatiently with the door wide open so we could both see into the hall. It was about this time every morning that some random guy stumbled out of Matt’s room and headed for the door, trying to ignore Freddie, Benny and I whooping and whistling as a theme tune to his graceless exit – though, of course, Benny was probably dying on the inside.

He was absent this morning, but Freddie and I were sitting in relative peace as we waited, not talking but not making jibes at each other either. It was refreshing, but oddly I preferred it the other way.

Almost to the minute, we heard a bedroom door opening, and we couldn’t help grinning at each other as we waited to asses Matt’s latest conquest. We only went out once or twice a week, but ever since that guy had forced himself on him two weeks ago, Matt had been going out every night and bringing a new randomer home each time. Freddie was perplexed, saying it had never happened before, but claimed it was only a phase. I hoped it would last forever, it was really entertaining.

A skinny, black-haired guy stumbled into our line of sight, and on cue we both started whistling, cat calling, and jeering, grinning when we saw him blush scarlet. He hesitated, wondering whether to respond, and then bolted for the door, slamming it behind him. Over the past fourteen days it had become pretty obvious that Matt had a type – tall, thin, dark haired, pale. Basically he seemed to have the exact same taste in guys as me, so I enjoyed ogling them every morning, even if I wasn’t completely over Aaron was still trying desperately to deny the fact Freddie made me horny as hell.

We laughed as I stood up to wander into the kitchen and get myself some breakfast; I’d have to leave for college in twenty minutes and I was starving. Minutes later, Matt wandered into the room groaning quietly and walked straight to the sink, threw up, and poured himself a glass of water.

‘So what was his name?’ Freddie asked, grinning, as Matt collapsed beside him on the couch and downed his water.

Matt shrugged, looking green, and placed his now empty glass on the coffee table.

‘Dude you have a problem,’ Freddie said, shaking his head. ‘Have you at least swiped your V-card with one of them?’

Matt elbowed him, looking mortified.

‘You’re a virgin?’ I asked, surprised. I mean, he’d been bringing home guys every night for the last two weeks. It wasn’t exactly farfetched that I would assume he wasn’t.

‘No!’ he exclaimed.

‘So you did have sex with one of them!’ Freddie said triumphantly. ‘Top or bottom? Wait, was it more than one? Jesus Matt, was it all of them?!’

‘I didn’t have sex with them!’

‘So you are still a virgin then,’ Freddie said, sounding disappointed.

‘Shut up,’ Matt muttered, his face reddening.

‘What’s wrong with being a virgin?’ I asked curiously.

‘Nothing’s wrong with it,’ Freddie said defensively, obviously thinking I was judging his best friend in some way.

‘That’s what I thought. Why don’t you want to be a virgin though?’ I asked Matt.

He stayed silent, looking really embarrassed.

‘And, why don’t you sleep with one of them if you hate it so much?’ I added.

‘Leave him alone,’ Freddie snapped, even though he was the one who’d started it.

‘You’re the one that started it,’ Matt muttered angrily, standing up. ‘Just leave me alone.’ With which he walked out of the room.

Freddie and I glanced at each other warily.

‘He’s your best friend,’ I said.

Freddie sighed and stood up, walking out of the room and down the hall. I heard him muttering a “good morning” as he did so, and I looked up as Benny walked into the sitting room, wearing a bright purple t-shirt, dark indigo skinny jeans, and a purple beanie. As soon as he saw me, he stopped, stared a moment, and burst into tears.

Freddie

I traipsed down the hall after Matt and knocked on the door he’d just slammed shut. I heard him grumbling for a few seconds, then, ‘Come in if you’re Benny,’ he said, barely loud enough for me to hear. I went in anyway.

‘Dude what’s up with you?’ I asked, closing the door behind me.

‘Hey,’ he said. ‘When did you change your name to “Benny”?’

I rolled my eyes and walked further into the room, putting my hands on his shoulders and pushing him into a sitting position on his bed; then sitting beside him.

‘Seriously,’ I said softly. ‘What’s up with you? You’ve been acting really weird since... Well, you know. I mean, you said you were fine with it, but you’re clearly not.’

Matt rolled his eyes. ‘Don’t flatter yourself,’ he said harshly, standing up and leaning against his desk. ‘It’s college. I’m just having fun. Now would you mind?’ He motioned towards the door. ‘I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night.’ He smirked.

Pursing my lips to stop myself from saying anything, I stood up and left without a word, restraining myself from slamming the door behind me. Whatever the fuck was up with him, I hoped he’d get over it soon. I didn’t like College Matt a whole lot right now.

Benny

‘Whoa, dude,’ Jack said, his eyes wide as he dropped whatever he was holding onto the kitchen counter and hurried over to me. ‘Benny, what’s wrong?’

I knew I was reacting irrationally, but I couldn’t help it. It felt like my soul was dying, or my heart was shrivelling up or something.

‘Is it Matt?’ he asked quietly, leaning closer to me even though we were the only two in the room. It wasn’t Matt, but the mention of his name only made me cry harder. I wasn’t in love with him or anything, but it was just as soul destroying that he seemed to see me as a kid brother or something while bringing home all these guys who looked exactly like Freddie. What was up with that?

I have sex with Jack. He likes Freddie.

I start crushing on Matt. He likes Freddie.

Soon I was gonna have to give up the fight and just go get plastic surgery to look just like Freddie.

Jack manoeuvred me over towards the couch and pushed me down gently, then sat beside me, putting his arm around my shoulders and stroking the hair out of my face, muttering nonsense noises to try and calm me. It was working, until Freddie walked back into the room. I looked up at him, and a fresh wave of despair washed over me.

‘What the fuck did you do to him?!’ he demanded, glaring at Jack as he walked over and sat on my other side.

‘Nothing,’ Jack said, perplexed. ‘He just walked into the kitchen and started crying. Won’t tell me why. How’d it go with Matt?’

Freddie sighed. ‘Less than good,’ he admitted grudgingly; it must have really rankled to appear less than perfect in front of your nemesis. ‘Kicked me out so he could get some sleep.’

‘So does that mean he did have sex last night?’

Cue a new level of wailing from me.

Freddie made a face. ‘I don’t think so. I mean I was surprised when he first told me, but thinking about it Matt is more the type of guy to only have sex with someone he loves. I’m pretty sure he’s still a virgin.’ He paused. ‘As in, if he’s not, there’ll be a serious fucking manhunt on and I’ll be going to prison shortly afterwards,’ he added darkly.

‘I’m pretty sure we’d have woken up if anybody was getting raped,’ Jack said dryly, still stroking my back soothingly as I continued to bawl.

Matt

As soon as Freddie left – angrily – I dropped back onto the bed, hating myself a little. I didn’t like being such a dick to him, but it seemed to be the way I now treated people when I was trying to convince them, and myself, that I wasn’t crushing on them.

Every time I saw Freddie lately, it was like somebody had a vice grip on my heart. When I woke up that morning in his bed, and he was spooned up behind me, with his arm wrapped tightly around my waist and his face buried in my neck, it had just felt so right. I had felt, I don’t know, fulfilled or something.

‘Morning,’ he’d murmured, pulling me even closer for a second in greeting and then loosening his grip again.

‘Morning,’ I whispered back, revelling in this new feeling.

‘You okay?’ he asked, his lips brushing against the back of my neck, and I knew his eyes were still closed, half asleep.

‘Mmhm. You?’

He chuckled slightly. ‘I’m not the one who got assaulted in the club,’ he said dryly, and tightening his grip again. Like he wanted to keep me safe.

‘You totally knocked that guy the fuck out,’ I said, remembering.

‘Nobody hurts my best friend and gets away with it,’ he mumbled sleepily. I felt him jerk fully awake as his alarm clock went of suddenly, and he groaned, sitting up to reach across me and turn it off. My back felt cold without him pressed up against it. ‘What time are you on today?’ he asked, rubbing his eyes.

‘Not til eleven,’ I said, hoping he’d blow off his class and stay here with me all day. And wondering vaguely why I wanted him to.

‘Bloody arts students,’ he joked, climbing over me and pulling on a t-shirt and jeans that had been thrown on the floor. ‘Go back to sleep, you can stay here as long as you want,’ he’d said when he was finished dressing, ruffling my hair and leaving the room, closing the door gently behind him. I’d slumped back on the bed, slightly worried about how disappointed I was.

My daydream/memory was interrupted before I could relive it one more time by a loud sort of keening sound coming from the kitchen. What the fuck were they doing up there now?

Benny

‘What is all the shouting abut?!’ Matt walked in and demanded, before catching sight of me and rushing over to kneel in front of me, taking my hands in his and peering up at me concernedly. ‘Benny, what’s wrong?’ he asked, his eyes wide.

‘He won’t tell us,’ Freddie said, a cold note to his voice that hadn’t even been there when he was talking to Jack.

‘Dude,’ Jack said, grabbing my face between his hands and turning me to face him. ‘Tell us what the hell is wrong or we can’t fix it. Are you being bullied again?’

‘No,’ I hiccupped, wiping my eyes. ‘Why aren’t you wearing purple?’

Jack shrugged, clearly confused. ‘I don’t look good in purple.’

‘You don’t look good in anything,’ Freddie remarked offhandedly, not wanting to miss the opportunity to get a dig in.

‘You just want to see me naked,’ Jack retorted, not missing a beat, before returning his attention to me.

‘But it’s October 20th,’ I said in a small voice.

‘So?’

‘Spirit Day,’ I said emphatically.

‘That’s today?’ Matt asked, and I turned to look at him. He wasn’t wearing purple either.

‘Yes,’ I said sulkily. They might not have known what it was like to be bullied about your sexuality so much that you wanted to kill yourself, but I sure as hell did. I had thought that maybe they cared enough about me to throw on a purple t-shirt anyway.

‘Shit,’ Matt said, standing up. ‘I completely forgot. Was that why you were crying?’

I shifted, refusing to allow myself to get embarrassed for feeling so strongly about it. ‘Yeah.’

‘I’m wearing purple boxers,’ Freddie announced, pulling the waistband of his jeans away from his tummy for a second and glancing down. I didn’t even have to look to know that both Jack and Matt were looking too, probably hungrily. ‘Does that count?’ he asked, smirking.

‘That just puts you back in the closet dude,’ Jack answered, even though the question had been aimed at me.

‘Fine.’ Freddie stood up and so did Jack, and they all silently left the room and returned minutes later, dressed in purple.

‘Better?’ Freddie asked, ruffling my hair as I tried to duck out from under his hand, but I was grinning.

Matt sat down beside me and put his arm around me, which he has taken to doing ever since I told him about the bullying thing. ‘I’m sorry I forgot,’ he said quietly as Jack and Freddie walked into the kitchen, bickering. ‘Got a lot on my mind. But I know how much it means to you, so I’m sorry.’

‘When did you get a crush on Freddie?’ I asked, trying to keep my voice light and curious.

Matt’s face coloured slightly as he looked at me surprised. ‘I don’t have a-’

‘Bullshit,’ I said, moving to stand up, but he pulled me back down.

‘Alright,’ he said grumpily. ‘Don’t have to get in a mood with me. It’s just a crush. It’ll pass.’

I raised an eyebrow doubtfully. ‘If you say so.’ Would my crush on him pass? And why has nobody ever had a crush on me?