Must Be Dreamin'
How Much I Really Do Care
Jimmy’s gone… I’m sad. He’s been my rock every since Jeremy passed. But I need to deal. This thing is going to happen. He has a job that forces him to travel and I won’t be able to go all the time.
For the first few days while he was gone, I helped Lauren out. She’s starting this clothing line that her and Jeremy always wanted to do. I thought it was sweet of her to want my opinions. She got some pieces together and we did some shots. She made me model! I tried protesting, but she just gave me that look as to say shut up and suck it up.
But I don’t have anything to do once again… maybe I should get at job at Metal Mulisha or something. This lazing around the house isn’t going to work much longer, especially when Jimmy’s not here. Kirstie’s off with Josh. But I hate being around them when Jimmy’s not here. It makes me miss him more.
Someone eventually came to my rescue though… if you really call it a rescue. I was at my parent’s house shockingly enough. I was in my room when I heard my mom yell for me. I went down, thinking she wanted me to help with something, but there was someone in the living room with her… It was… Todd.
“Umm… hi,” I said, unsure of his presence here… now… out of all the times he could be.
“Hey,” he grinned brightly.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” my mom smiled before leaving the room.
It may surprise you, but Todd’s quite the parent charmer. It shocked me to no end when they first met each other. They liked Todd, but they didn’t love him like you would want your parents to like your boyfriend… well, ex boyfriend.
“I haven’t seen you in a while and… I don’t know. Just wanted to say hey,” he said with a small smile as we sat down together on the couch.
I nodded my head, still a little taken aback. I don’t know what to feel right now. I mean… I cared so much about this guy months before, but he just like… gave up on us. I cried for a whole day over this man… and now he thinks he can drop in whenever he wants to say hey! I’m not ok with this, but… why am I kind of happy to see him?
“So… how have you been?” he asked while relaxing into the couch like he was at home.
“Ok… I’m just bored… and kind of lonely,” I sighed while running my hands through my hair.
“Aw, I’m sorry. Can I help?” he asked with so much care in his voice… and I hated it.
“Can you?” I shot back with some attitude that I didn’t mean to push out, but… I did.
“Oh I bet I can,” he smirked with his familiar cockiness coming over himthat was so sexy to me when we were together… and it still kind of is.
My smile came over me as he pushed himself to his feet. He grabbed my arm and tugged on it until I stood up with him and walked out the door. But before we stepped out, he stopped me.
“You need a bathing suit… maybe… unless you want your clothes soaked,” he smirked playfully.
Ok… been there… done that! I don’t want to do it again either. So, I went up to my room and changed into a bathing suit and pulled clothes on over it. When I came back down, Todd flashed a smile at me before hooking his arm around my shoulder and led me out to his truck.Like Jimmy does, he helped me up and shut the door for me before hurrying over to the driver’s seat.
For some reason, I kind of had an idea of where we were going. He always took me to the same place when I was bored. It never failed. He could just look at me and know I was bored. It was weird, but… there was something so…alluring to me.I kind of miss that now that I’m thinking about it.
But I was right. He pulled up to the beach just like I thought he would. A smile came over my face as we sat there. Even though I wasn’t looking at him, I knew hisgorgeous eyes were looking at me. It only made my smile grow more.
“You…” I started, but couldn’t find words that described him at the moment.
“You don’t have to tell me that I’m amazing. I already know,” he snickered before sliding out.
I rolled my eyes at his cockiness like I always do and followed him. He was a few steps ahead of me though. As he walked he kicked his shoes off and tugged his shirt over his head before starting for the water with his sunglasses still on. I watched for a few seconds,admiring my view as ideas started to form.
Once he was a good distance away, I pulled off my own layers and started sprinting towards him. When he was close enough to the water, I leaped onto his back, tackling him into the waves. I started laughing as his arms went everywhere and his sunglasses floated away. Before they got too far, I reached out for them and put them over my own eyes just as he surfaced.
“Do these make my head look too big?” I teased, trying imitate his husky voice.
“Shut up,” he said with a chuckle in his voice.
I just laughed.I love it when he says that in that tone. But then this old spark came over his eyes… and then he dunk me into the water. I emerged quickly, gasping for air since it caught me by surprise.
Apparently, he wasn’t expecting this and quickly came over and hooked his arms around my waist to keep me afloat. I wrapped my own arms around him as I sucked in big gulps of air. Once my breathing was steady again, I looked up at him and splashed water onto his face.
“Butthead,” I shot at him.
“I’m sorry. I am a butthead,” he said with thisadorable pout to him.
“Aw, it’s ok… I forgive you,” I cooed while hugging onto himmore.
When I pulled my head back, something caught my eyes… that was actually in his eyes. I haven’t actually gazed into those brown things for so long. It was… different. It brought this feeling up from the pit of my stomach and… made it hard to breathe.
Before I had time to look away and swim to shore, hissmooth, plump, soft, luscious, sweet lips pressed against mine. I tried to will myself to pull away from him, but… I couldn’t bring myself to. Everything that I ever felt for him was buried deep and, with this kiss, seemed to release all of that out of again.
When we parted, my fingers where tangled in his hair with my legs wrapped securely around his waist and my arms hooked loosely around his neck. His smooth hand was cupping my cheek with his other on the small of my back.
He went to say something, but I stopped him by… pressing my lips back against his. I know this sounds bad, but… Jimmy was the furthest thing from my mind right now. He’s all the way… on the East Coast somewhere. I don’t even know. And right now I… don’t even care…and right now, Todd’s making me question how much I really do care.
For the first few days while he was gone, I helped Lauren out. She’s starting this clothing line that her and Jeremy always wanted to do. I thought it was sweet of her to want my opinions. She got some pieces together and we did some shots. She made me model! I tried protesting, but she just gave me that look as to say shut up and suck it up.
But I don’t have anything to do once again… maybe I should get at job at Metal Mulisha or something. This lazing around the house isn’t going to work much longer, especially when Jimmy’s not here. Kirstie’s off with Josh. But I hate being around them when Jimmy’s not here. It makes me miss him more.
Someone eventually came to my rescue though… if you really call it a rescue. I was at my parent’s house shockingly enough. I was in my room when I heard my mom yell for me. I went down, thinking she wanted me to help with something, but there was someone in the living room with her… It was… Todd.
“Umm… hi,” I said, unsure of his presence here… now… out of all the times he could be.
“Hey,” he grinned brightly.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” my mom smiled before leaving the room.
It may surprise you, but Todd’s quite the parent charmer. It shocked me to no end when they first met each other. They liked Todd, but they didn’t love him like you would want your parents to like your boyfriend… well, ex boyfriend.
“I haven’t seen you in a while and… I don’t know. Just wanted to say hey,” he said with a small smile as we sat down together on the couch.
I nodded my head, still a little taken aback. I don’t know what to feel right now. I mean… I cared so much about this guy months before, but he just like… gave up on us. I cried for a whole day over this man… and now he thinks he can drop in whenever he wants to say hey! I’m not ok with this, but… why am I kind of happy to see him?
“So… how have you been?” he asked while relaxing into the couch like he was at home.
“Ok… I’m just bored… and kind of lonely,” I sighed while running my hands through my hair.
“Aw, I’m sorry. Can I help?” he asked with so much care in his voice… and I hated it.
“Can you?” I shot back with some attitude that I didn’t mean to push out, but… I did.
“Oh I bet I can,” he smirked with his familiar cockiness coming over himthat was so sexy to me when we were together… and it still kind of is.
My smile came over me as he pushed himself to his feet. He grabbed my arm and tugged on it until I stood up with him and walked out the door. But before we stepped out, he stopped me.
“You need a bathing suit… maybe… unless you want your clothes soaked,” he smirked playfully.
Ok… been there… done that! I don’t want to do it again either. So, I went up to my room and changed into a bathing suit and pulled clothes on over it. When I came back down, Todd flashed a smile at me before hooking his arm around my shoulder and led me out to his truck.Like Jimmy does, he helped me up and shut the door for me before hurrying over to the driver’s seat.
For some reason, I kind of had an idea of where we were going. He always took me to the same place when I was bored. It never failed. He could just look at me and know I was bored. It was weird, but… there was something so…alluring to me.I kind of miss that now that I’m thinking about it.
But I was right. He pulled up to the beach just like I thought he would. A smile came over my face as we sat there. Even though I wasn’t looking at him, I knew hisgorgeous eyes were looking at me. It only made my smile grow more.
“You…” I started, but couldn’t find words that described him at the moment.
“You don’t have to tell me that I’m amazing. I already know,” he snickered before sliding out.
I rolled my eyes at his cockiness like I always do and followed him. He was a few steps ahead of me though. As he walked he kicked his shoes off and tugged his shirt over his head before starting for the water with his sunglasses still on. I watched for a few seconds,admiring my view as ideas started to form.
Once he was a good distance away, I pulled off my own layers and started sprinting towards him. When he was close enough to the water, I leaped onto his back, tackling him into the waves. I started laughing as his arms went everywhere and his sunglasses floated away. Before they got too far, I reached out for them and put them over my own eyes just as he surfaced.
“Do these make my head look too big?” I teased, trying imitate his husky voice.
“Shut up,” he said with a chuckle in his voice.
I just laughed.I love it when he says that in that tone. But then this old spark came over his eyes… and then he dunk me into the water. I emerged quickly, gasping for air since it caught me by surprise.
Apparently, he wasn’t expecting this and quickly came over and hooked his arms around my waist to keep me afloat. I wrapped my own arms around him as I sucked in big gulps of air. Once my breathing was steady again, I looked up at him and splashed water onto his face.
“Butthead,” I shot at him.
“I’m sorry. I am a butthead,” he said with thisadorable pout to him.
“Aw, it’s ok… I forgive you,” I cooed while hugging onto himmore.
When I pulled my head back, something caught my eyes… that was actually in his eyes. I haven’t actually gazed into those brown things for so long. It was… different. It brought this feeling up from the pit of my stomach and… made it hard to breathe.
Before I had time to look away and swim to shore, hissmooth, plump, soft, luscious, sweet lips pressed against mine. I tried to will myself to pull away from him, but… I couldn’t bring myself to. Everything that I ever felt for him was buried deep and, with this kiss, seemed to release all of that out of again.
When we parted, my fingers where tangled in his hair with my legs wrapped securely around his waist and my arms hooked loosely around his neck. His smooth hand was cupping my cheek with his other on the small of my back.
He went to say something, but I stopped him by… pressing my lips back against his. I know this sounds bad, but… Jimmy was the furthest thing from my mind right now. He’s all the way… on the East Coast somewhere. I don’t even know. And right now I… don’t even care…and right now, Todd’s making me question how much I really do care.