Must Be Dreamin'
But I Want My Little Irish Boy
So um… Jimmy’s back. He’s been home for almost a week now. I haven’t seen much of him though. He’s asked me to hang out, but… I’ve been busy. I’m not too proud of it, but… with Todd. I know it’s so wrong and I regret it every time I leave him to go see Jimmy, but… it’s just these weird feelings.
But apparently, I’ve just been acting weird. I haven’t noticed it, but Kirstie’s been on me about it. Whatever. I haven’t noticed anything. I just rather be at home now… when Todd’s there.
Her and Josh invited me for a little movie night when Jimmy was gone. I didn’t want to go. Todd and I had already started our own movie… so I never went. I just cuddled on the couch with him all night before he carried me up to my room before the movie was even over.It’s a good thing my parents weren’t home.
I was so used to not having Jimmy aroundand being back with Todd that it wasn’t the easiest thing to be with him once he came back. Sure I picked him up from the airport all smiles, but… that didn’t last when we got back to his house.
For one, I didn’t want to kiss him in fear that he would taste something differentlike Todd. And then I just flat out felt bad… Jimmy has to be one of the sweetest people I know. He may be a little intimidating at first, but he has a soft core. He’s a soft guy on the outside, but he’s just the cutest thing ever.And I’m doing this horrible thing to him.
Anyway, I’m at my parents’ house again. They’re gone. I’m house sitting. And I’m bored out of my mind. I already called Kirstie. Her and Josh had plans. Jimmy was being difficult and I wasn’t about to call Todd. But that doesn’t stop him from showing up. Is it bad that I smiled when he walked through the door?
“Hey, baby,” he grinned as he sat next to him and kissed my lips softly.
“What are you doing here?” I asked while clinging to his middle.
“To see you. What else would I be doing? I’ve been thinking about you all day,” he muttered while leaving soft kisses on my neck, making me giggle and run my fingers through his thick curls.
I lay back on my couch with him having a hand resting on either side of me. His eyes scanned over my body quickly before they fell on mine. Just seeing that familiar dark brown iris made my insides go crazy and bring one of my hands up to cup his scruffy cheek. A small smile came over him as he took that hand and brought it to his plump lips, leaving a gentle kiss on my palm.
“I never thought anyone could be as beautiful as you,” he said softly while bringing those full lips close to mine.
I could feel my cheeks burn from his comment. Anything he said to me right now was hitting something… something that I kept buried down for so long. I told myself I was over him, but… I think I was lying to myself.
With our eyes still locked on each other’s, he slowly brought his lips to mine. They gently brushed against one another before he gradually started to deepen them. As his passionate kisses continued, his smooth hands ran across my stomach under my shirt, making goose bumps form from his warm touch.
As this went on, all of my senses were focused on him. Nothing else in the world mater… until I heard his voice. That voice of sheer shock, filled with nothing but hurt, telling me that I’ve hurt someone that loves me so much.
“You seem real bored huh, Kylee?” Jimmy said, making me jerk away from Todd.
I couldn’t breathe. The look on Jimmy’s face was something I hadn’t seen since… Jeremy’s funeral. But that quickly changed. That hurt look changed to anger as if he just flipped a switch.
“You’re still with him?” Todd shot at me.
“You knew,” I threw back. He wasn’t getting away this. He knew I was with Jimmy…
“Why would you do this to me? After all I helped you through?” Jimmy silenced us with. “With Todd of all people. He’s your ex boyfriend… one of my best friends,” he went on, making me feel about the size of an ant right now.
“Dude, she was my girlfriend before she got with you,” Todd had to butt in.
“Yeah, because someone couldn’t step up and be there for her when she needed someone,” Jimmy threw back.
Todd took a step towards Jimmy, but I stood in front of him, holding him back. I’m pretty sure neither of them would do anything, but…I wouldn’t put it past Todd to throw out some comment to set Jimmy off.
“Todd, just leave,” I pleaded softly, knowing it wasn’t a good thing that he was here… none of these was a good thing!
On his way out the door, him and Jimmy gave each other the stare down. I wish they had stared at each other the whole night. It would have kept Jimmy’s pain filled eyes off of mine.
“Jimmy, I’m sorry,” I pushed out in a voice that was nothing more than a whisper.
“You’re sorry? Are you really sorry, Kylee? While I was gone, this is what you were doing? With Todd Potter of all people?” he let me have it.
“Jimmy, I can’t tell you anything other than sorry,” I replied with tears starting to build up in my eyes.
“You could tell me why. I think that’s the least you could give to me.”
“I don’t… know…”
“It just happened right? That’s how it always is,” he countered with a sarcastic tone in his voice. “Kylee, do you realize how much I love and care about you? And you go and do something like this? Does that not hit you like it is me right now?” he went on.
“Jimmy, you know I love and care about you too…”
“Then why are you hooking up with Todd?” he cute me off as a single tear ran from his eyes.
“I don’t know, ok? I messed up… really badly,” I croaked out through my steady stream of tears now. “But… I still love you,” I went on with my voice the weakest it has been all night.
“I still love you too,” he sighed while running a hand through his short hair. “But… I don’t know if I can still love you like I have been,” he finished, making my heart drop to the floor… and shatter.
“I was going to give this to you tonight, but… I guess it doesn’t have the same meaning as before,” he shrugged while tossing a ring box onto the couch.
Before it even landed, he turned and walked out the door, ignoring my pleads to stay. Once the door shut, I broke down. My eyes were already flooding out tears, but now it was worse. I collapsed onto the couch, clutching that tiny box close to my chest. It was the only thing I had of Jimmy right now.
After my eyes cleared minutes later, I opened the box and saw the most gorgeous ring. It made my eyes sting again, but I held my tears in to pull it out. Of course, there was something written in it.
“You may hold my hand for a while, but you hold my heart forever. –Your Fitzy,” was what it read.
It made me smile, but… I don’t know if my Fitzy is going to me my Fitzy anymore. Even though the thought saddened me, I still slid the ring onto my finger. I don’t know why. I know it would hurt if he came back to get it, but for now… it was this weird sense of comfort. But I want my little Irish boy… and I want him to still be my Fitzy.
But apparently, I’ve just been acting weird. I haven’t noticed it, but Kirstie’s been on me about it. Whatever. I haven’t noticed anything. I just rather be at home now… when Todd’s there.
Her and Josh invited me for a little movie night when Jimmy was gone. I didn’t want to go. Todd and I had already started our own movie… so I never went. I just cuddled on the couch with him all night before he carried me up to my room before the movie was even over.It’s a good thing my parents weren’t home.
I was so used to not having Jimmy aroundand being back with Todd that it wasn’t the easiest thing to be with him once he came back. Sure I picked him up from the airport all smiles, but… that didn’t last when we got back to his house.
For one, I didn’t want to kiss him in fear that he would taste something differentlike Todd. And then I just flat out felt bad… Jimmy has to be one of the sweetest people I know. He may be a little intimidating at first, but he has a soft core. He’s a soft guy on the outside, but he’s just the cutest thing ever.And I’m doing this horrible thing to him.
Anyway, I’m at my parents’ house again. They’re gone. I’m house sitting. And I’m bored out of my mind. I already called Kirstie. Her and Josh had plans. Jimmy was being difficult and I wasn’t about to call Todd. But that doesn’t stop him from showing up. Is it bad that I smiled when he walked through the door?
“Hey, baby,” he grinned as he sat next to him and kissed my lips softly.
“What are you doing here?” I asked while clinging to his middle.
“To see you. What else would I be doing? I’ve been thinking about you all day,” he muttered while leaving soft kisses on my neck, making me giggle and run my fingers through his thick curls.
I lay back on my couch with him having a hand resting on either side of me. His eyes scanned over my body quickly before they fell on mine. Just seeing that familiar dark brown iris made my insides go crazy and bring one of my hands up to cup his scruffy cheek. A small smile came over him as he took that hand and brought it to his plump lips, leaving a gentle kiss on my palm.
“I never thought anyone could be as beautiful as you,” he said softly while bringing those full lips close to mine.
I could feel my cheeks burn from his comment. Anything he said to me right now was hitting something… something that I kept buried down for so long. I told myself I was over him, but… I think I was lying to myself.
With our eyes still locked on each other’s, he slowly brought his lips to mine. They gently brushed against one another before he gradually started to deepen them. As his passionate kisses continued, his smooth hands ran across my stomach under my shirt, making goose bumps form from his warm touch.
As this went on, all of my senses were focused on him. Nothing else in the world mater… until I heard his voice. That voice of sheer shock, filled with nothing but hurt, telling me that I’ve hurt someone that loves me so much.
“You seem real bored huh, Kylee?” Jimmy said, making me jerk away from Todd.
I couldn’t breathe. The look on Jimmy’s face was something I hadn’t seen since… Jeremy’s funeral. But that quickly changed. That hurt look changed to anger as if he just flipped a switch.
“You’re still with him?” Todd shot at me.
“You knew,” I threw back. He wasn’t getting away this. He knew I was with Jimmy…
“Why would you do this to me? After all I helped you through?” Jimmy silenced us with. “With Todd of all people. He’s your ex boyfriend… one of my best friends,” he went on, making me feel about the size of an ant right now.
“Dude, she was my girlfriend before she got with you,” Todd had to butt in.
“Yeah, because someone couldn’t step up and be there for her when she needed someone,” Jimmy threw back.
Todd took a step towards Jimmy, but I stood in front of him, holding him back. I’m pretty sure neither of them would do anything, but…I wouldn’t put it past Todd to throw out some comment to set Jimmy off.
“Todd, just leave,” I pleaded softly, knowing it wasn’t a good thing that he was here… none of these was a good thing!
On his way out the door, him and Jimmy gave each other the stare down. I wish they had stared at each other the whole night. It would have kept Jimmy’s pain filled eyes off of mine.
“Jimmy, I’m sorry,” I pushed out in a voice that was nothing more than a whisper.
“You’re sorry? Are you really sorry, Kylee? While I was gone, this is what you were doing? With Todd Potter of all people?” he let me have it.
“Jimmy, I can’t tell you anything other than sorry,” I replied with tears starting to build up in my eyes.
“You could tell me why. I think that’s the least you could give to me.”
“I don’t… know…”
“It just happened right? That’s how it always is,” he countered with a sarcastic tone in his voice. “Kylee, do you realize how much I love and care about you? And you go and do something like this? Does that not hit you like it is me right now?” he went on.
“Jimmy, you know I love and care about you too…”
“Then why are you hooking up with Todd?” he cute me off as a single tear ran from his eyes.
“I don’t know, ok? I messed up… really badly,” I croaked out through my steady stream of tears now. “But… I still love you,” I went on with my voice the weakest it has been all night.
“I still love you too,” he sighed while running a hand through his short hair. “But… I don’t know if I can still love you like I have been,” he finished, making my heart drop to the floor… and shatter.
“I was going to give this to you tonight, but… I guess it doesn’t have the same meaning as before,” he shrugged while tossing a ring box onto the couch.
Before it even landed, he turned and walked out the door, ignoring my pleads to stay. Once the door shut, I broke down. My eyes were already flooding out tears, but now it was worse. I collapsed onto the couch, clutching that tiny box close to my chest. It was the only thing I had of Jimmy right now.
After my eyes cleared minutes later, I opened the box and saw the most gorgeous ring. It made my eyes sting again, but I held my tears in to pull it out. Of course, there was something written in it.
“You may hold my hand for a while, but you hold my heart forever. –Your Fitzy,” was what it read.
It made me smile, but… I don’t know if my Fitzy is going to me my Fitzy anymore. Even though the thought saddened me, I still slid the ring onto my finger. I don’t know why. I know it would hurt if he came back to get it, but for now… it was this weird sense of comfort. But I want my little Irish boy… and I want him to still be my Fitzy.