Must Be Dreamin'
I Ask Myself That All The Time
So, Kirstie band won their award. YAY! I was so happy for her and the guys. They deserve it. And now it was time to party. I’m not the most party type person, but I’ll go and have a good time with everyone else.
We were in a limo with Kirstie’s band. Obviously, Josh and Jimmy were there too. There was an excited buzz ground around as they all three took turns holding their trophy. It was cute!And shockingly Jimmy had nothing to do with it.
“Oh! Ky! I wanted to ask you something!” Kirstie nearly shouted at me… while I was two people away from her.
It was funny though. Josh seriously covered his ears, making everyone laugh. Kirsite just smiled and kissed his cheek.
“What, Kirstie?” I asked with a giggle teasing its way out of my throat.
“So… we’re going on tour and our merch guy kind of just… quit. And I know you had so much fun doing it last time so, do you want to do it this tour too?” she asked with this hopeful look in her eyes.
How could I say no? I love Kirstie and her band. Of course I would. Once I told her, she crawled across everyone to pull me in for a tight hug… that nearly killed me! But we were both so excited. I love going on tour with her! But… I have to leave my Fitzy. I’m sure he’ll understand though. I mean, he goes away for a good hunk of time so… what makes it any different if I do?
He didn’t say anything though. He kept pretty quiet the rest of the way to the party. I like him do his thing though. He’s not the most vocal of people. But once we got there, he wondered off. It kind of bummed me out. I wanted to spend time with him.
I ended up hanging around Kirstie, Danny, Kevin, and Josh all night. They were fun, but… I wanted my Fitzy. Once I finally found him, he wasn’t in the most of sober states. Great!
“Hey, babe… think it’s time to go home?” I asked while fixing a piece of his hair that was sticking out different than the rest.
“No,” he said.He actually put me in mind of a young child. Not even kidding.
“Jimmy, you’ve drank a lot tonight,” I tired to get through to him.
“You’re leaving so why do you care?” he slurred out before bringing the cup he had in his hand to his lips, taking another swig.
“Jimmy,” I sighed while running my hand through my hair.
That’s what’s been brothering him? And he couldn’t talk to me about. He had to go and drink his problems away. If I could slap him right now and have him feel it, I would.
“We just worked through all of our problems and now you’re just going to cruise across the country. Well, sayonara, Ky,” he slurred out in his little drunken way.
“Jimmy, we can talk in the morning. Lets just get you home,” I tried to pull him towards the door, but he resisted.
I don’t know if you’ve seen Jimmy, but he’s a pretty decent sized guy. I wasn’t about to try and fight against him the whole way to the door.
Kirstie came up behind me and put her hand on my back to let me know she was there. I sighed and looked over at her. She gave me a sympathetic look before she said anything.
“Josh and I will take care of him. If you want to go home, none of us would be mad at you,” she said ever so nicely.
I nodded my head and watched Josh try to get Jimmy to come home with me, but he just walked off.Probably to find another drink. I let out a heavy sigh before walking out. Kirstie came with me and hailed a cab for me. Before I slid in, she gave me a tight hug… but I wanted Jimmy’s hugs.
But that was something I didn’t get that night. I went to my empty house and cuddled in my bed, wishing Jimmy was next to me. Sleep didn’t come easy for me though. All I could think about was what he was doing and who he was with and if he was alright or not. I tried calling him a few times, but it went right to his voicemail.
When I did eventually fall asleep, it was only for about twenty minutes at a time. Finally, at around seven in the morning, I just stayed up and lazed around in the living room.
Around noon, there was a knock on my door.Oh, god… I need to go identify a body! I shook that thought aside as I walked to see who it was. I almost let out a huge sigh of relief when a bloodshot eyed Jimmy was there. I was worried before… but now I’m so ticked off!
I let him in though. I wasn’t about to start anything. Who knows what would happen if I did? So, I just followed him into the living room where we sat opposite of each other His eyes stayed on the floor for the longest time. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to say something.
“Do you even remember last night?” I asked, slightly frustrated with him right now.
I know he likes to have a good time and have a few drinks every now and then. But I haven’t seen him get that wasted in so long.It actually scared me. Who knows what he might have done in that state?
“Bits and pieces,” he said softly with his voice horsed.
I just nodded my head. Ever since we got back together, it just hasn’t been the same. I feel like there’s always something missing now… and I don’t like it.
“I don’t want you to go on tour with Kirstie,” he said, refusing to bring his eyes up to mine.
“And I should listen to you in your hung over state because?” I asked, annoyed already.
“Because I love you,” he countered.
“It seemed that way last night,” I muttered.
“I’m sorry ok. But we just got back together and now… you’re leaving soon. What am I supposed to feel? I leave and you go mess around with someone. What happens when you leave?” he said, getting his own anger in his voice.
It honestly made me mad. I thought we put all the Todd stuff behind us. He’s starting to hang out with him again and we don’t talk about it anymore. We’ve moved on… but he brings up now.
“Well, then, Jimmy, if you can’t trust me, then why are we together?” I kind of blurted out. I didn’t really want to say it, but I was thinking it. I didn’t feel bad for shooting it out.
“I ask myself that all the time,” he said, finally bringing his eyes up to mine.
This one triggered me. I let him have it! I was so frustrated and I told him that if he trusted me, he could be with me. But if he didn’t he could leave and never come back. Want to know what he did? HE LEFT! I honestly didn’t think he would, but he did… and I wasn’t all that sad. A few tears fell, but I didn’t flat out bawl.
I’ve already been through enough in my life. I don’t need someone telling me that they love me and then not trusting me. That doesn’t fly with me. So, as of right now, Kylee Lusk is single… and is going to enjoy it.
We were in a limo with Kirstie’s band. Obviously, Josh and Jimmy were there too. There was an excited buzz ground around as they all three took turns holding their trophy. It was cute!And shockingly Jimmy had nothing to do with it.
“Oh! Ky! I wanted to ask you something!” Kirstie nearly shouted at me… while I was two people away from her.
It was funny though. Josh seriously covered his ears, making everyone laugh. Kirsite just smiled and kissed his cheek.
“What, Kirstie?” I asked with a giggle teasing its way out of my throat.
“So… we’re going on tour and our merch guy kind of just… quit. And I know you had so much fun doing it last time so, do you want to do it this tour too?” she asked with this hopeful look in her eyes.
How could I say no? I love Kirstie and her band. Of course I would. Once I told her, she crawled across everyone to pull me in for a tight hug… that nearly killed me! But we were both so excited. I love going on tour with her! But… I have to leave my Fitzy. I’m sure he’ll understand though. I mean, he goes away for a good hunk of time so… what makes it any different if I do?
He didn’t say anything though. He kept pretty quiet the rest of the way to the party. I like him do his thing though. He’s not the most vocal of people. But once we got there, he wondered off. It kind of bummed me out. I wanted to spend time with him.
I ended up hanging around Kirstie, Danny, Kevin, and Josh all night. They were fun, but… I wanted my Fitzy. Once I finally found him, he wasn’t in the most of sober states. Great!
“Hey, babe… think it’s time to go home?” I asked while fixing a piece of his hair that was sticking out different than the rest.
“No,” he said.He actually put me in mind of a young child. Not even kidding.
“Jimmy, you’ve drank a lot tonight,” I tired to get through to him.
“You’re leaving so why do you care?” he slurred out before bringing the cup he had in his hand to his lips, taking another swig.
“Jimmy,” I sighed while running my hand through my hair.
That’s what’s been brothering him? And he couldn’t talk to me about. He had to go and drink his problems away. If I could slap him right now and have him feel it, I would.
“We just worked through all of our problems and now you’re just going to cruise across the country. Well, sayonara, Ky,” he slurred out in his little drunken way.
“Jimmy, we can talk in the morning. Lets just get you home,” I tried to pull him towards the door, but he resisted.
I don’t know if you’ve seen Jimmy, but he’s a pretty decent sized guy. I wasn’t about to try and fight against him the whole way to the door.
Kirstie came up behind me and put her hand on my back to let me know she was there. I sighed and looked over at her. She gave me a sympathetic look before she said anything.
“Josh and I will take care of him. If you want to go home, none of us would be mad at you,” she said ever so nicely.
I nodded my head and watched Josh try to get Jimmy to come home with me, but he just walked off.Probably to find another drink. I let out a heavy sigh before walking out. Kirstie came with me and hailed a cab for me. Before I slid in, she gave me a tight hug… but I wanted Jimmy’s hugs.
But that was something I didn’t get that night. I went to my empty house and cuddled in my bed, wishing Jimmy was next to me. Sleep didn’t come easy for me though. All I could think about was what he was doing and who he was with and if he was alright or not. I tried calling him a few times, but it went right to his voicemail.
When I did eventually fall asleep, it was only for about twenty minutes at a time. Finally, at around seven in the morning, I just stayed up and lazed around in the living room.
Around noon, there was a knock on my door.Oh, god… I need to go identify a body! I shook that thought aside as I walked to see who it was. I almost let out a huge sigh of relief when a bloodshot eyed Jimmy was there. I was worried before… but now I’m so ticked off!
I let him in though. I wasn’t about to start anything. Who knows what would happen if I did? So, I just followed him into the living room where we sat opposite of each other His eyes stayed on the floor for the longest time. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to say something.
“Do you even remember last night?” I asked, slightly frustrated with him right now.
I know he likes to have a good time and have a few drinks every now and then. But I haven’t seen him get that wasted in so long.It actually scared me. Who knows what he might have done in that state?
“Bits and pieces,” he said softly with his voice horsed.
I just nodded my head. Ever since we got back together, it just hasn’t been the same. I feel like there’s always something missing now… and I don’t like it.
“I don’t want you to go on tour with Kirstie,” he said, refusing to bring his eyes up to mine.
“And I should listen to you in your hung over state because?” I asked, annoyed already.
“Because I love you,” he countered.
“It seemed that way last night,” I muttered.
“I’m sorry ok. But we just got back together and now… you’re leaving soon. What am I supposed to feel? I leave and you go mess around with someone. What happens when you leave?” he said, getting his own anger in his voice.
It honestly made me mad. I thought we put all the Todd stuff behind us. He’s starting to hang out with him again and we don’t talk about it anymore. We’ve moved on… but he brings up now.
“Well, then, Jimmy, if you can’t trust me, then why are we together?” I kind of blurted out. I didn’t really want to say it, but I was thinking it. I didn’t feel bad for shooting it out.
“I ask myself that all the time,” he said, finally bringing his eyes up to mine.
This one triggered me. I let him have it! I was so frustrated and I told him that if he trusted me, he could be with me. But if he didn’t he could leave and never come back. Want to know what he did? HE LEFT! I honestly didn’t think he would, but he did… and I wasn’t all that sad. A few tears fell, but I didn’t flat out bawl.
I’ve already been through enough in my life. I don’t need someone telling me that they love me and then not trusting me. That doesn’t fly with me. So, as of right now, Kylee Lusk is single… and is going to enjoy it.