Finding Gerard

Frank's point of view

He stirred again and I gently stroked his hand, trying to ignore the heavy steel cuffs binding him to the bed, and the thick bandages on his wrists.

His gorgeous hazel eyes fluttered open and locked onto me.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"I know Gee, I know," I told him softly, stroking his porcelain hand again.

"I miss you," he said quietly, voice hoarse.

I picked up my glass of water from the bedside cabinet and helped him to drink a few mouthfuls of it.

"I miss you too. But I'll be here. I'm going to visit every day I can. Just... just please don't do anything like this again?" I whimpered.

When I'd got the call telling me that Gerard had attempted suicide I was completely devastated. Mikey wasn't. He said pretty much nothing. I couldn't believe he was being so cold.

"I want things back how they were Frankie, if you can promise me that, that you'll wait for me, then I'll promise to never hurt myself again."

I thought for a few moments. I did desperately want Gerard back. But. The pain was still too raw.

"Can I... think about that? I can promise you I'll think about it?" I offered.

"That's more than I deserve. I promise to keep myself in one piece," he said sincerely, smiling at me a little. That made me angry.

"Gee, do you not realize how serious this is? You've been gone for almost two years, you've come back, you're locked up, going to be for months, and you expect me to just take you back?" I ranted.

He looked at me, surprised by my sudden outburst. I'd been keeping it together so well.

"I expect nothing from you Frankie, I just want you to know I'm sorry. Please tell my brother I'm sorry too, please tell Mikes," he said calmly.

I nodded.

"I will tell him, but don't expect much. And I don't know if I'm ready to accept your apology, especially not after this..."

"Take all the time you need Frankie. Make sure you tell Ray and Bob I'm sorry too, I need them back in my life."

"Ray and Bob have got their own problems right now," I said bitterly.

"What's going on with Bob and Ray?"

"They're trying to have Bob's baby... but it's just like... issues with a surrogate, cause Lauren has said she won't... and Bob's fertility.. and just... stress they don't need," I explained briefly. This was their business, not mine. It should be up to them who they tell about it.

"Is Bob OK? I mean, the chemo and stuff..?"

"They don't have the lab results back yet, couple more days I think."

It was completely surreal having such a relaxed conversation with Gerard given the circumstances. It was the middle of the night, in a prison infirmary, and we were casually chatting about Ray and Bob.

"Gerard I'm going to go now," I told him, standing up.

"Please stay? In the morning you'll have to go and I'll have to go back to my cell and I'll be all alone. Please stay," he said quietly, eyes pleading with me.

"Gerard-" I started.

"Please?" his hand gripped my wrist, so tightly it almost hurt.

"Where am I supposed to sleep?" I asked, sighing.

"Right here," he said, scooting over. His one hand that wasn't shackled to the bed lifted up, inviting me to curl under his arm, where I had spent so many nights.

I kicked off my shoes and looked around the infirmary. There was only a nurse here, sat at her desk, reading a book. She didn't look like she'd care.

I climbed slowly into the bed next to Gerard, he grinned, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me close.

"Be careful of your wrist Gerard," I told him, very conscious of the damage the bandages were hiding.

"I am."

The bed was an extremely tight fit for the two of us, our bodies were pressed together to avoid falling out of the single bed and onto the cold infirmary floor.

"So.. do you think we can get conjugal visits while I'm here in prison?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

I rolled my eyes and sighed

"And what makes you think I want to do anything other than talk to you right now?"

"I don't know... my undeniable raw sex appeal?" he smirked.

"Shut up and go to sleep Gee."

My anger at him was evaporating by the second. I truly believed he was sorry.

Ray's point of view

*morning*

I yawned and peeled Bob's arms off my waist, climbing out of the bed as carefully as I could so I didn't disturb him.

I looked back at the bed and smiled at my husbands sleeping form, blond hair tousled and spread wildly over the pillow, breathing slow and relaxed.

"Stop watching me sleep," he murmured, rolling away.

I giggled.

"But I like watching you sleep."

"Pervert."

"Bob come and check the mail with me?"

"What, not man enough to open the mail by yourself anymore?" he smirked, propping himself up with one elbow, and fixing his hair with the other hand.

"Well... maybe... your test results came back?"

"Oh... yeah. Maybe. Let's go look."

Bob and I bounded down the stairs, both just in our boxers, racing for the front door and the mailbox fixed the wall just outside.

Bob beat me to it and poked his tongue out.

The letter we'd been waiting for was sitting inside the metal box all alone. Bob snatched it up and handed it to me, pushing me into the living room and sitting me on the couch.

"If this is bad?" he asked, blue eyes serious.

"Then it doesn't matter. We'll find a way."

"And if it's good?"

"We get working on this, ASAP," I smiled, opening the letter in my hands and scanning it quickly.

I tried to hide the expression on my face from my husband as I read. It wasn't the best news, but not the worst.

"Well?" he demanded, bouncing up and down excitedly.

"It's... I think we'll be OK. I guess it says your sperm count is 70% below average-"

Bob's face fell.

I grabbed his hands.

"BUT. That's still 30% better than we thought yeah?"

"I guess," he said quietly.

"Bob, this is good news. This means we can have your baby," I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"We need to sort out a lot first," he said, hugging me back, his body tense.

"Would you just relax? Be happy, just for today, let's go wake up Angel and do something fun?"

He pulled away from the hug, a grin spreading across his face.

"Family fun day?"

"All day," I grinned back.

"Can we bring Frank? He's been super down, with the whole Gerard thing..."

"Of course we can bring Frank, it wouldn't be us without Frank tagging along," I said, trying to hide the bitterness that threatened to creep into my voice.

Tag-along Frankie, as I had started to call him in my mind.

As much as I loved Frank, It was time for Bob, Angel and I to be a family ourselves, and I knew I needed to tell him sooner rather than later.