Finding Gerard

Bob's point of view

Angel giggled loudly as Frank and Ray pushed her on the swing, Frank behind her and Ray in front.

"You want to go higher?" asked Frank and she laughed and nodded.

They pushed her slightly higher, her brown curls flopping all over her face and her giggles becoming louder.

"Arggghh I've just gotta hug you," I cried, grabbing her out of the swing seat and lifting her high above my head, before hugging her tightly, letting her settle sat on my hip.

"We've gotta get you your own one of these," said Ray, ruffling Angel's curls and smiling at me.

"Aw you guys are making me miss Gee," pouted Frank, as the four of us sat on a park bench together, me handing Angel over to Frank and him sitting her on his lap.

"You know what I miss? The band. Those were the days," sighed Ray, resting his head on my shoulder. I draped my arm around him and kissed the top of his head.

I think out of all of us, he missed the band the most, seeing as he didn't have another job he just stayed home. I was starting to worry that all the time he spent doing very little was starting to affect him.

"Well as soon as we get our singer out of jail that's what we're doing right? making a new record and hitting the road again?" I asked.

Ray and Frank both nodded enthusiastically.

"We could start writing stuff now... even though we're missing Gee, I'm sure he wouldn't mind," said Ray.

"Let's wait for him, he'll be so disappointed if we write anything new without his input," said Frank, sighing.

"I hate this," he muttered.

"At least you know where he is now," pointed out Ray, taking Angel from him and bouncing her on his knee.

"And you can see him and stuff," I pointed out.

"Yeah but it's through a pane of glass, I miss him. I want to hold him, and I want him to hold me," sighed Frank, letting his head fall into his hands.

Neither Ray or I wanted to ask what was actually going on between Frank and Gee, we both kinda got the feeling that it was more complicated than we could understand.

Frank seemed to change his mind every two minutes, between missing Gerard and wanting him back desperately, and never wanting to see him again.

"Daddy," whined Angel, tugging on a handful of Ray's hair.

"Now what did we say about my hair sweetie?" he said, gently prying her hand away.

She started to cry and fuss and Ray sighed and did his best to try and calm her down.

"Shall I take her?" offered Frank, we all knew he was the best at calming her down when she started to fuss.

"Frank she's my daughter," snapped Ray and Frank visibly flinched.

"Ray, don't be like that," I defended.

Ray glared at me and I rolled my eyes.

"She's probably just tired," I said.

"You sleepy?" he asked, kissing Angel on the nose.

She nodded and sniffled.

We all mutually agreed to take Angel home so we could put her down for a nap. The car ride home was silent and awkward, with Ray now in a bad mood and Angel still fussing and cranky.

Once we were back at the house Ray took Angel upstairs and Frank and I retreated to the living room.

"I'm so sorry Frankie, I don't know what's gotten into Ray recently. It's like since Gerard got back he's been in a super bad mood, like he doesn't want to be around anyone," I sighed, sitting on the couch.

"Yeah but he isn't the only one. Since Gerard got back I've been so confused," he said, sitting down next to me.

"About how you feel about him?"

"Not just about him, about other stuff too," he shook his head.

"Like what? Anything I can help with?" I offered, looking at him carefully.

His hazel eyes locked onto my blue ones.

"Bob, this really isn't something I can talk to you about," he said, shaking his head slightly, but our eyes remained connected.

I felt something... strange.

"What is it? You know you can talk to me about anything," I prompted and he blinked hard.

"Please don't hate me, or throw me out of your house, but I need to know something and I'm just going to... I just have to do it," he said.

Before I could stop him his lips were pressed firmly against mine.

I didn't kiss back, nor did I try to push him away. I just froze, slightly shocked at the way my heart was pounding.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, pulling away and burying his face in his hands.

"Frank, Frankie," I said, finding myself glancing at the doorway then putting my hand on his shoulder.

"Don't be," I said softly.

My head was telling me it was wrong, but my heart was telling me I wanted to kiss him back.

I had been questioning my relationship with Ray for a while, always pushing the doubts to the back of my mind, but now I was wondering.

Could I find the spark I lacked with Ray with someone else, and keep it to myself?

And could I face living with myself if I started fooling around with Frank behind Ray's back, if I was a cheater.

I looked at Frank and his eyes were fixed on mine, the expression on his face told me only one thing.

"We really shouldn't," I whispered as he shifted closer to me again.

"I know," he mumbled as our lips collided.