I Never Told You What I Do For A Living

"Uh, hi mom, sis... uh, Mrs Urie. What are you doing here?"

As soon as I heard Spencer say my mom's name, I desperately tried to find a hole or something that I could see them through. I felt anger bubbling up already, and I could tell that this wasn't going to turn out well.

"Bren," Ryan whispered, barely audible, "what are you-"

"Ssh, I wanna see them," I replied just as quietly. I found a gap in between the slats on the pantry door that I could see out of, and scowled. God damn it, she was here. The anger I was starting to feel immediately turned to fury.

Ryan looked out the gap above mine and frowned.

"You have her eyes," he mumbled. "This is the lunatic, right?"

I nodded, watching Spencer's mom back away from him with an expression that suggested she had no idea who he was. She looked scared, disappointed; and oh god, if she called the cops on him, would we be in this pantry forever?

Is pantry sex possible?

I tried to turn around and look at Ryan, but it was too small, and I just ended up accidentally hitting him in the stomach.

"Ow!" he hissed.

"Sorry," I muttered in a hushed tone.

No, pantry sex isn't possible.

Damn.

I turned my attention back to Spencer's mom.

"What are we doing here?" she asked shakily. "Spencer, you're wanted in Nevada for assisted murder! What are you doing here? I have half a mind to-"

"Mom," Spencer cut her off, sighing angrily. "I swear to you, I didn't kill anyone. Brendon Urie and Ryan Ross kidnapped me."

I saw my mother's face go white at the mention of my name.

"Kidnapped?" Spencer's sister asked.

I wonder what she'd do if I burst out of the pantry to give her a hug. She was so nice to me when we were kids. 

But that would mean we'd get caught, so...no.

Why wasn't I a dentist? This didn't happen to dentists.

"I ran into Brendon at a store and recognized him, even though he was in disguise," Spencer explained, lying smoothly. "But he couldn't kill me because we were friends for so long, and he felt bad. So they kidnapped me and used my credit cards so the cops wouldn't find them, and if I didn't do what they said, I was scared I was going to die, you know? Brendon wouldn't kill me, but I'd never met Ryan. He's the scarier one."

"Hey!" I frowned.

Ryan laughed quietly and kissed the top of my head.

"Don't worry, I still think you're scary."

I smiled lightly and looked back out at Spencer, who was still talking.

"Guys, please believe me. You know I'm not a murderer, why would I throw my life away like that?" he asked. "I'm just...this was the only place I knew they wouldn't look for me, and I'm waiting until things calm down a little before I go to the cops. I didn't know what else to do," he concluded, sounding genuine and honest.

Everything was quiet for a few minutes, until suddenly Spencer's mom wrapped him in a hug.

"I knew you weren't a murderer!" she said happily. "No one else believed me, but I knew!"

My mom sighed, and I scowled. I almost forgot she was here.

"So I suppose this means that Brendon's still a psychopath?" she asked. I rolled my eyes. Spencer looked like he wanted to roll his eyes as well, but knew it would give him away.

"I...yeah," he sighed. My mother pursed her lips.

"That's..." she paused. "I don't even know why I asked. Of course he is. But I guess he'll have to learn. He must know by now that the lord will seek his revenge for all that he's done to those innocent people."

"Oh my god, shut up," I hissed under my breath. Ryan laughed a little.

"And to his own family, as well," Spencer's mom chimed in. My frown returned. I didn't do anything to my family that they didn't deserve. "He was such a good kid," she sighed.

"His family?" my mom asked. "What family? Brendon's not my son. You know what he is? A disgrace and a disappointment. He's a sociopath. He may be my blood, but he's the devil's son, not mine," she scoffed. I immediately felt my jaw drop. I can understand being disappointed in me, but I wasn't aware she hated me that much. It's one thing to disapprove, but another thing to completely disown me. 

"Brendon?" Ryan asked, sounding concerned. "Are you oka-"

"Yeah," I mumbled. "Just shh, I want to hear them."

He hesitantly nodded, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and sighing. I leaned into his touch and looked back through the gap, realizing I'd missed a part of the conversation.

"It's fine, Spencer," his mom was saying. "Your aunt's been wanting to see us for a little while, anyway. We can stay there." she glanced at my mother. "Is that okay with you?"

"Absolutely," she deadpanned. "Goodbye, Spencer, and I'm sorry about Brendon."

I scowled.

"It's fine," Spencer replied through clenched teeth.

"It isn't," my mother said. "He's the worst mistake I've ever made. It's embarrassing and disappointing to have a demonic faggot in the family." She sighed. "But there's not much I can do. If I could go back in time, I'd rethink even having him; but I can't, so I suppose I'll have to live with the knowledge of the monster I've created. I'll be in the car, okay?"

She left, and I bit down hard on my tongue to avoid hollering after her.

Maybe Ryan was right that night in the hotel. Maybe we should kill her.

...except that would put Spencer's family in a bad position, and I couldn't do that. Not after they'd been so nice to me when I was growing up.

"Thanks, mom," Spencer sighed once my mom left. "You too, sis. I don't know what I would have done if you just turned me in instead of hearing me out."

His sister smiled.

"Hey, Spence, it's alright, you're family!" she said. His mother nodded.

"That's right," she agreed. "Listen, Spencer. How about we all go out for pizza or something, and you can tell us all about what happened, hm? You must need someone to talk to, and...well, none of us have seen you in a little while."

Spencer nodded hesitantly.

"Uh...okay, I guess. Sure," he replied, and sighed before following them out the door.