I Never Told You What I Do For A Living

So, it turned out I was actually pretty tired, and ended up falling into a deep dreamless sleep and sleeping in.

That is until I was rudely awoken by a pillow to the face.

I immediately sat up, eyed wide and startled.

I looked around and noticed Spencer standing there, glaring at me cross-armed.

"...The fuck?" I asked, breathing a little heavily.

"Get up." he said.

"What... Since when do you tell me what to do?" I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Ryan..." he said in an annoyed tone, shying and shaking his head. "You need to go talk to Brendon."

"Why?" I asked.

He looked at me incredulously. "He's a mess Ryan."

"What? What did I do?" I asked, denying the fact that I was actually a total asshole last night, and justifying it with the fact that he was one too, and he put us in danger by pulling a stunt like that.

Spencer just gave me a "What are you, stupid?" look.

There's no way he's that upset. The kiss didn't mean anything. And he didn't seem upset last night, just pissed off. Maybe he's just a mess because he's sorry and wants to apologize, so he sent Spencer in here to get me.

Well then.

I guess I can be the bigger man here and accept his apology.

I sighed and climbed out of bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"I'll go talk to him." I mumbled.

Spender nodded and left.

Then I slowly made my way across the hall.

I knocked on the door and in response he grumble "Come in." just loud enough for me to hear.

He sat on the bed with his knees pulled up to his chest, looking away. When he turned to look at me, he narrowed his eyes.

"I thought you were Spencer." he grumbled.

"Sorry to disappoint you." I said walking over and sitting next to him.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"Um," I put my hand on his shoulder, in attempt to reconnect in a way, but he shrugged it off, and I ignored the fact that it stung. "Spencer said you were really upset." I said, not looking at him.

"No. Really? What's you're problem? You think you can just waltz in here after what you did and expect things to be all fine and dandy? Well news flash Ross, things don't work that way!" he snapped.

It took a minute for the anger to take over because I was mostly in shock at his sudden outburst. But it did. And I was pissed. Again.

"I was only being an asshole because you deserved it!" I snapped back.

"I deserved it? I fucking deserved it?! For what? Wanting to see my mom one last time?! Fuck you Ross!"

"You put us in danger!" I was almost yelling now.

He laughed humorlessly. "Bullshit!" he exclaimed. "You don't even care about that do you? I bet you're just pissed because I actually have someone else in the world that still loves me. It's not my fault that your mom fucking up and left you! It's not my fault my mother actually cares about me! You dont care about my safety. You just want someone to be as miserable as you." By the time he finished his rant he was yelling. I was frozen with anger. How could he think that? How could he say that?

I stood up and stormed over to the door.

"You fucking prick." I mumbled. "Well it's a good thing you have your fucking mommy who loves you because I sure as hell fucking don't!" I was screaming now.

"I'm the fucking prick?! You fucking kissed my best friend just to get back at me!" he was now standing up now, as well as pointing and screaming.

"Yeah? I did. And I'll do it again. Hell, maybe I'll even fuck him! Fuck you Brendon! I don't need you. Stay here and rot then for all I care! Because I fucking don't!" I shouted back before storming out of the room and slamming the door.

~*~

I found myself on the couch, watching TV (angrily.)

The search continues for Brendon Urie and-

I quickly shut it off and threw the remote across the room, mumbling "mother fucker" under my breath.

"Ryan, what the hell is your problem?" I looked up to see Spencer standing above me, arms crossed again, glaring at me.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Why are you such an asshole?! Seriously, like I would understand if it was anyone but Brendon. Seriously Ross, he's your mother fucking boyfriend, and you made him cry." Spencer spat.

Suddenly my defenses fell and my eyes widened.

"What?" I asked.

"He's up there bawling his eyes out because you're an asshole." Spencer repeated.

"He's crying?" I asked, slightly dumbfounded.

"Yes you idiot!" Spencer nearly exclaimed.

Well fuck. I made him cry. Brendon Urie. Notorious serial killer. I made him cry. Ryan Ross: Biggest asshole on earth.

The only other person that had made him cry was his mother, when she said all that shit about him. His mother called him a worthless demon faggot, and disowned him and said she wanted to go back in time and not even have him.

And I just made him cry.

Well that doesn't make me much better then does it?

"Ryan, he thinks you hate him. That you don't love him. And he thinks you actually cheated on him. He thinks you don't care. He fucking believed everything you said, and now he's up there crying and refusing to come out of his room! He didn't deserve any of the things you said to him you asshole. You're the only one he has left in the world. Sure he has me, but I'm not you. Now you sit here and think about what you fucking did, and what you put that boy through. Then you get your sorry ass up there and apologize, do you hear me?"

I nodded, and Spencer walked away cursing under his breath.

I may not have a mom, but sometimes I think Spencer makes up for it.

Okay, so, and only because it's Brendon and I love him to death, (no pun intended) I can swallow my pride and admit I was wrong. I'll go up and apologize, take back everything I said, and assure him that I love him and nothing can change that. I'll be there for him, and I guess be more supportive. I'll tell him that I'll be less of an asshole, and less bossy.

Then everything will go back to normal.

I hope.

Shit.

I can't believe I did that.

It's only been about ten minutes and I'm already overwhelmed with guilt.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

He actually thinks I cheated on him? Wasn't it obvious that I'm just an asshole and pulled a dick move?

I made my way upstairs and found myself in front of the door. I knocked softly, and when there was no response, I tried opening it. It was locked.

"Bren?" I said through the door. "Will you let me in?"

Still no answer.

I sighed. "Look Brendon, I'm really sorry okay? I didn't mean anything I said." Suddenly I heard shuffling, then the door opened a crack, revealing Brendon's face. His eyes were red and swollen. Yeah. He'd been crying.

Only, I was expecting some sort of "Of course it's okay Ryan. I love you. I forgive you." but instead I got a glare. He didn't say anything, so took the opportunity to speak.

"I'm really sorry Brendon. I didn't mean anything I said. I lov-"

"Don't." he cut me off, staring at the floor. "It's not okay. It's not o-fucking-Kay. You can't just treat me like that. I don't care who the fuck you are." he grumbled.

"I know Brendon, I'm sorry. I was mad and-"

"You had no reason to be. You had no reason to fucking be. And I don't want to hear your excuses. I'm tired of it Ryan. I'm tired of you thinking you can just fucking do whatever you want with out consequences. I'm fucking tired of you thinking you can just boss me around, and say whatever you want. You assume that if you apologize then ill come crawling back to you. No. I have more dignity then that. I'm not going to be treated like that. I'm done Ryan. You can fuck Spencer for all I care. Because I don't." he said, mimicking me.

"But-"

And the door slammed in my face.

I stood there, dumbfounded.

He's done?. What does that even mean? Just the other day we were laughing and happy and cuddling... What the fuck happened?

Sure I can be bossy sometimes, but it's not like he ever protested before. And... This is just a stupid fight. Were supposed to apologize and make up.

He's being absurd.

I feel like I should be angry.

But instead I feel... I don't know.

Did he just say he's done? He can be done. No.

I can't loose him. I can't.

Fuck. I knew this would happen.

I can't fucking loose him. I love him too much. No. He's not talking to me.

I tried banging on the door and shouting his name again but he didn't respond.

Fuck.