A Beautiful Tragedy

Brian left 2 weeks ago for the road. The time we spent have been for the better. I was told the day he left that when he got back from tour that we will get married, this he promised. I was only a few days away from being 7 months into my pregnancy. Erica moved into the house due to Zacky and Brian wanting us to be together while they were gone for a month. At least I wouldn't be lonely. My mother would come over every day to spend time with us, sometimes staying the night. She has been both mine and Erica's support, helping with making us dinner or just sitting around and having girl talk to help pass the time.

When time was slow, I would pick up my notebook and continue to write. Erica has even taken the interest in learning guitar from me though it is hard due to the fast she was right handed but we had time. I also found out that the girl had a set of pipes on her, so we would rock out and sing together. Brian called me every day before a show and every night before I went to bed. I really miss him. I though have been staying strong. That is all I really can do.

Right now I sat here with my guitar in my arms, strumming as I sang randomly on the couch.

I love this place
But it's haunted, without you
My tired heart Is beating so, slow
Our hearts sing less than we wanted, we wanted
Our hearts sing 'cause
We do not know, we do not know

I closed my eyes and continued to sing

To light the night to help us grow, To help us grow
It is not said I always know

You can catch me
Don't you run, Don't you run
If you live another day in this happy little house
The fire's here to stay,
To light the night
To help us grow, To help us grow
It is not said, I always know

My voice began to get a tad deeper than before as the song grew

Please don't make a fuss It won't go away
The wonder of it all
The wonder that I made
I am here to stay

my strumming on the guitar slowed down

I am here to stay

Stay

Giving one last strum before opening my eyes again. I heard shuffling and looked over to see my mother with her video camera and Erica standing there about to cry. I just laughed as I placed the guitar down, "Oh god you caught me" rolling my eyes at the camera.

My mother turned the camera off and walked over to me, "That was beautiful"

"Really?" I asked

"Yeah it was Chesh. Where did that come from?" Erica asked as she sat next to me, not trying to sit on my guitar.

I just shrugged, "I kinda had the song stuck in my head and this is the first time I sang it. Hoping it sounded fine out loud" making fun of myself.

"Well it was perfect" both my mother and Erica smiled.

I then felt the baby kick and out of instinct I placed my hand on my stomach. My mother looked at me confused.

"Are you alright dear?" she asked.

I laughed but nodded, "Yeah, the baby kicked is all". My mother then came over and placed her hand on my belly. When she felt the little guy move once again, she smiled from ear to ear.

"I guess the baby enjoyed your song" Erica spoke. I did noticed that when I was singing, that is when he was more calm. Wonder how he will like his daddy's music?

"I can't believe I'm going to be a grandmother" my mother looked like she was about to cry but not out of being sad but from being happy.

"Aww mommy" I cooed before hugging her tightly. I then heard a knock at the door which interrupted the hug, I tried getting up from the couch but my mother insisted that she get the door.

When she came back into the living room, I saw the person who was at the door follow right behind her. Now what was he doing here?

"What are you doing here Derrick?" Erica spat at him. This caused him to hang his head low. I just sat there looking at him confused. Now if you all have forgotten who Derrick was, he was the bassist from Dope that I met on tour. Now why was he in my house?

"What are you doing here?" I asked which came out more nicely then Erica's.

Derrick looked up and smiled, "I just wanted to see how you were". What would he care? Didn't he try to rape me awhile back? All I know is that if Brian found him here, he would rip him apart.

I held my hands out towards my mother who kindly pulled me up from the couch, "I think it's best if you weren't her-".

"I really want to apologize for how I acted back then. I've never acted like that before and it tares me apart that I did it to you who has only been sweet to me" from watching him, I could see it in his eyes that he meant what he was saying. Erica kept quite. Maybe she saw it too.
My mother on the other hand was just confused to who he was but didn't bother to ask, so she walked into the kitchen to start dinner.

I sighed, "Thank you Derrick. May I ask why you are here?" asking again.

He shrugged at first but then pulled out a magazine that had Brian's band on the front. I raised my brow, wondering how that was to answer my question.

"I read in here that you and Brian were expecting a baby which I can see is true" pointing to my baby bump. I laughed but knew he wasn't finished.
"And it made me think that I really want to fix what I ruined. Not as me trying to get you to be with me or anything but hopefully to where I could leave here on a good note" smiling with hope.

"Can I ask how we can trust you again?" Erica questioned him, slowly getting up from my couch. I giggled at the sight and helped her half way.

Derrick nodded his head at her, "I know I don't deserve any sympathy and I ain't here to get any. I respect how you all feel about me and I don't blame Matt for punching me when he did. Or Brian wanting me dead. Just know that I am so very sorry" explaining himself to us.

I walked over to Derrick and placed my hand on his shoulder. " I accept your apology. Only because I'm kind and know that you are a kind person deep down. Do know that our friendship would take time and I'm sure the guys would take forever to trust and forgive you" sighing as I started to feel bad for him.

Don't get me wrong, what he did was wrong no doubt but I don't want to hate anyone. Truth be told, what he did only brought Brian and myself closer. Derrick was honestly a good person. I saw that when we did hang out. Just something inside him kicked in that day but I'm hoping it was the last of that person.

I asked Derrick if he wanted to stay for dinner which he accepted. I walked into the Kitchen with him behind me, Erica followed him, making sure he wasn't going to do anything funny. I laughed at how even though she was more pregnant than I was, she was still being the big sister like she was in high school.

I walked over to the island and started the flat stove before putting a pot for the mashed potatoes on the surface. My mother was making her famous beef stew, so of course mashed potatoes was a must. Then again I am Irish, so mashed potatoes was always in the mix. Derrick held a conversation with the three of us till dinner was ready.

After the meal, I collected everyone's plates and carried them to the sink. We had a dishwasher but I liked to rinse them off before placing them in. My mother sat at the island drinking her cup of organic green tea that I love. Erica ran upstairs to change into her pajama's.

"May I help you?" Derrick asked me. I looked over at him and laughed before handing him a wet plate to set in the dishwasher.

"Thank you for tonight Charlie. You are truly one of a kind and Brian is a very lucky man to have you as a wife" smiling at me.

"We haven't gotten married yet" I corrected him

Derrick gave me his "oh" face, "Sorry, just I read that you two were engaged and I assumed that you already got married"

I just shook my head and continued to rinse the plates.

"Where is Brian anyways? Why is he not home with his beautiful pregnant fiancée?" now noticing that he hasn't felt the wrath of Brian.

I handed him the plate and giggled, "He is touring right now which is alright. They will only be gone for a little while but they will be home in time for Erica and myself to have our babies".

Derrick nodded his head and went on with helping me. Things were fine till I felt a shock of pain hitting me on my stomach. Causing me to drop the plate to the floor and collapsing into Derrick's arms.

"What is wrong Charlie?" he asked worriedly.

"I don't know" holding onto my belly as the pain progressed on.

"Charlie you're bleeding!" my mother screamed as she saw blood flowing down my leg and onto the kitchen floor. "Erica call Brian NOW! I'm going to call for an ambulance" my mother yelled before running for the phone.

Before I could say anything else. I blacked out from the pain being unbearable in Derrick's arms.

I opened my eyes to see white walls, a white ceiling and five figures standing around me. I saw that I was hooked up to a heart monitor, not knowing really why I was.

"What happened?" I asked, trying to focus my eyes on the faces around me. I saw my mother, Erica, Derrick and both Suzy and Papa Gates. But no Brian.

"Honey, just rest okay?" my mother smiled through teary eyes. Why was she crying?

"Where is Brian?" my voice was raspy from lack of water. I was beginning to panic knowing he wasn't here.

"Shhs, Brian is on his way Chesh. He knows what happened and canceled the tour" Erica soothed me as she grabbed my right hand in hers. I frowned at her but before I could say anything I hear voices rushing to my room.

"I'm here baby. It's okay" Brian breathed heavily. I knew he had been running, maybe he should stop smoking. Before Brian ran to me, he saw Derrick and his began to ball his fists up.

"Get out" he growled.

"Brian not now, you need to be with Charlie" Suzy spoke softly. Brian didn't listen though and kept his eyes on Derrick.

"I don't care. I want him out right now" he demanded and Derrick nodded before leaving. Only to hear Matt asking Derrick why he was here from the door. I knew that the rest couldn't wait in the waiting room, they just stood outside my door.

Brian became calm again once Derrick was out of the room and walked over to me. Erica got up to leave and be with Zacky, she too has been crying. What was going on?

"I'm so sorry for leaving you baby. I won't do it again" Brian began to tear up, placing a kiss on my forehead as he sat where Erica was. Taking my hand in his, holding it tight.

The doctor then walked in but froze when he saw the amount of people in my room. "Umm since everyone in this room already knows what is going on, may I have Mr. and Mrs. Haner alone?" he asked. Everybody in the room respected his wish and walked out. They knew what was going on? What the hell!!!

The doctor then looked at me with sadness in his eyes. Sighing before he talked, "I'm sorry to say that you lost the baby". I froze, what did he say?

"Wait what?" Brian shouted at him. Brian sat up from the chair but still held onto my hand. I looked to the doctor with hope that he was joking. Clearly he wasn't.

"I'm truly very sorry Mr. Haner but your wife had a miscarriage. We will have to keep her over night to monitor her since she was far into her pregnancy but I can tell you this, she can still have children. So there is hope". Brian was now in shock like I was. The doctor had nothing else to say and walked out.

"Oh. My. God" my voice becoming shaken. I looked up at Brian to see him fall to his knees, crying. I wrapped my arms immediately around him and cried along his side.

"I'm so sorry Charlie. I shouldn't have left you" he cried under my grip.

"Brian our baby is gone" pulling away from him. Trying to not show him that I was crying, I still wanted to be strong for the both of us. I placed my hand on my stomach knowing very well that my son was no longer there. There was no more of him.

Brian quickly got back to his feet and turned me to face him, "Baby we will try again. We will have a beautiful family. I promise you" he whispered. He was still crying but he too was trying to be strong for us. I nodded my head as he placed a kiss upon my forehead. We both sat there crying over the loss of our baby boy.

No more you.