Flashes of Emotion

Zacky and I left Ro’s modest apartment, I didn’t know what it was about her but she was different. After hanging out with her it only made me feel more terrible for treating her like shit when she was trying to help me. She didn’t have to help me and to be honest at the time I didn’t even want to be helped. With all the shit that had happened the passed year I wanted it to be over with.

Seeing her smile even though she was all banged up from the previous night was reassuring but not enough to make me certain that she was alright. I could tell she was extremely upset about her camera and that it was something she cherished even if she tried to make a joke of it, I could see the pain she felt for a brief moment in her eyes.

“Matt are you listening man?”
“Uh yeah sure,” I reply snapping out of my thoughts.
“I’m thinking I’m going to ask Ro out,” Zacky states.
“Uh okay?” I found myself responding but my thoughts became rampant.
“Yeah, she’s really a cool chick, not to mention hot, I mean honestly how could have you said she was an ugly bitch? She’s not ugly at all, you must have been really wasted.”
“Yeah she’s cool. You two would probably have fun together.”
“Do you think she’ll even agree to go out?” Zacky questions a little unsure.
“I don’t know man, maybe, who knows, she seems a bit focused on other things,” I comment honestly. Ro didn’t seem to be into dating but getting her life stable which was understandable.

Zacky became quiet and apparently went into deep thought whilst I couldn’t help but do the same. Why didn’t I feel comfortable with Zacky asking Ro out? I mean I was married for Christ’s sake. Maybe it was the fact that my marriage wasn’t going the way I thought it would.

When I got home I was greeted by Val who I hardly even bothered to talk to. How could I when she has been sneaking around with someone else? She was playing games with me trying to get a rise out of me. I didn’t need that sort of shit; there was only so much a man can take. My best friend died 9 months ago and not once did Val let me grieve properly. She’d demand my attention and I only wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

“Where were you?”
“Hanging out with Zacky,” I answered curtly.
“Where? Brian told Michelle you guys went to that paparazzi bitch’s house,” she retorts narrowing her eyes at me.
“Don’t call her that, you should be fucking happy that she stopped me from driving when I was drunk!”

“You say thank you then leave you don’t fucking stay for three hours!”
“We brought her book back for fuck’s sakes! It wasn't like me and Zacky were gang banging her! Her cousin was there with her boyfriend,” I snap back growing angry that Val had the gull to even accuse me of anything.
“She has a boyfriend?” Val counters misunderstanding my words.
“No, her cousin has a boyfriend, if it makes you get off my back, Zacky is into her.”

“She’s paparazzi.”
“Yeah well its not by choice, it’s the only way she can pay her bills, obviously she’s not a bitch when she almost got fired for saving me!” I retort angrily.
“Don’t yell at me,” Val says trying to make herself cry.
“Then don’t question my faithfulness when you know damn well that you have been sneaking around behind my back!”

I stormed out of the house needing to get away from Val and her lies. For some reason I found myself driving back into Ro’s neighborhood. A part of me felt that I need to talk to her alone, to tell her how genuinely sorry I was and that I was grateful for what she did. It seemed that part of me won as I parked across from the building that had an obscure food market on the first level.

Taking a deep breath I got out of the car telling myself not to be such a pussy. I went up the steps and reached Ro’s door. Knocking on the door I immediately regretted it and started to walk away hoping to get away before she answered. I thought I was in the clear too but then Ro was making her way up the stairs looking beyond upset holding a box like it was a tiny coffin. Her eyes widened slightly in surprise upon seeing me standing there.

“Did you forget something?” she asks obviously trying to figure out why I was back.
“Yeah I think I dropped a paper,” I lied. Ro let out a sigh and put the key in the lock.
“Alright I’m sure we’ll find it.”

I followed Ro into her apartment feeling that she was trying to cover what she was feeling. My bet was it had something to do with what ever was in the box. Watching as she set the box down carefully on the counter she kept her back to me for a while, just taking deep breaths. She was upset and my first instinct was to try to comfort her with a hug but she pushed me away tears welling up in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, I just- I’ll start crying if I have anyone try to comfort me, if its made to be a big deal it’ll only make me feel worse,” Ro says shakily. Looking at her I immediately felt that suddenly I wasn’t the only one that felt that way when I was upset, she dealt with her pain in the same manner.

“I can respect that,” I managed to say.
“You don’t look too happy yourself; you need to vent or something?”
“Nah, I think I can deal.”
“You didn’t come here for some made up piece of paper,” she says looking at me with her murky eyes that reminded me of when the sun shined on swamp waters, the tinge of gold reflecting in the green water.

“I wanted to say sorry again,” I say then decided to continue, “and to thank you for being cool about all that’s happened.”
“I want to show you something before I delete them.”
“Okay.”

Ro went to her laptop and the screen lit up. Slipping in a small memory card into the computer the files popped up almost instantly. I wondered what she was going to show me but before she clicked on the view option she gave me a sideways look, almost debating if she should show me.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” I reassure. She turned back to the screen clicking on the button causing a haunting image of myself from the night she stopped me from driving. I looked deranged, depressed, angry, and on the brink.

“I thought you said you didn’t get any pictures?”
“I lied, I did but I didn’t sell them, I thought it wouldn’t be right,” Ro mutters then stared at the image, “Matt don’t ever try to take the easy way out.”

I was shocked at her words but I knew she was right, what sort of asshole tries to get himself killed. Looking at the photos I could see that she had a gift with a camera, being able to capture emotion unlike anything I had ever seen.

“Don’t delete them,” I say quietly.
“I don’t know what to do with them and I feel like a creeper having them on here.”

I let out a chuckle upon hearing this and Ro turned around punching me on the arm.

“Shut it dimples,” she states playfully.
“So violent,” I mock with a smile.
“You’re an ass.”
“Says the creeper.”

Ro let slip a smile then shook her head at me.

“Yeah okay,” she replies sardonically.
“So do you think you can get your camera fixed? I mean you’re really good,” I say but when I saw her face fall I realized that was probably why she was upset.
“It can’t be fixed,” Ro says.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault I shouldn’t be such a mouthy bitch when I’m outnumbered.”
“I should have showed up sooner, maybe then you’d be alright and your camera would be working,” I respond sincerely.
“Nah, what’s the point of should have beens and what ifs, its best to just go on,” she states with a weak smile.

Looking at her weak smile, I could tell she was trying to be optimistic but I knew she needed help she just wouldn’t admit it.

“Me and the guys are going out for drinks soon,” I state.
“That’s nice,” Ro responds absentmindedly.
“You’re going.”

“What? Why?”
“Because you need to go out and have some fun, loosen up a little,” I answer.
“I need to wallow and think of a solution to my current situation,” she says stubbornly.
“Nope, you’re going, I won’t leave here without you.”
“So fucking stupid,” Ro mutters shaking her head signifying that she was giving in.

I smiled at her knowing I had won; I wanted her to take a break from all the stress she was feeling. We both needed to take a break from the stress. Hopefully the guys would be fine with me bringing her, I know Zacky would but I wasn’t sure about the others. But then again Ro was really chill and my doubt dissipated, they’d love her.

The only problem was that, they’d wonder why I’d bring her, I suppose I could just say I was trying to help Zacky out even if it was a bit of a lie.