Flashes of Emotion

My heart beat at an unnatural speed as made my way towards the stage. Everyone stared as Allan pulled me onto the stage. There were a couple wolf whistles once I stood there. I merely gave an awkward wave then shot the guys death glares.

“She’s all bark no bite this one,” Daniel says with a chuckle. He knew I was nervous and I narrowed my eyes at him then walked over to him.
“Daniel don’t provoke Kennedy, Kennedy is a real mean bitch,” Ian warns.
“Who the bloody hell is Kennedy?” he counters looking around. Before he could protest I pulled him lower by the front of his t-shirt and bit his neck roughly.

“It’s that angry beast that just bit your neck,” Mike points to me with a smile.
“I’m not a fan of clichés especially when you are trying to suggest my lack of action,” I say in a low wicked tone as I fixed his shirt then smacked him lightly on the cheek, “Now play the song I want to get this over with.”

Daniel nodded dreamily still not moving and the other guys chuckled loudly.

“You just know how to make them your bitch,” Mike laughs.
“I wouldn’t mind being your bitch,” Daniel replies as he swallowed hard looking at me. I let out a feral growl of annoyance letting the rest of the band know I was close to punching one or all of them.

“Alright Kennedy don’t go all Lorena Bobbit on us,” Mike responds as he began drumming slowly on his drum kit.

The song began and Allan had already set up a shorter microphone for me. I took a sharp intake of air, my hands shaking violently from sheer nervousness. Allan noticed how much I shook and he instantly knew this was different from singing in front of a couple of friends, that I needed a little more reassurance.

“I’m right here with you, just look at me,” Allan whispered soothingly into my ear. I shivered involuntarily at his hot breath that tingled my neck as I nodded slowly with a forced smile. I clutched the microphone looking at Allan and waited for the right moment to start.

Welcome back to
Where I'm gonna have you
Shell shock, fall back
Anyone I see through

Watch your head spin
Like a mesocyclone
Bouncing off the walls
Now there's nowhere to run

Like a bullet, meant to be shot
You're the target, dead on the spot
When I focus, I never miss
It starts with a kiss
Then Allan started with a ‘Lalalalalala!’ before continuing with the chorus. His big brown eyes focused on me, urging that I move along with the music. I obliged feeling more comfortable on the stage that I now felt was like back home in his house.


She ricochets
And you don't notice
She's in your head
And you just don't notice

She ricochets
And you don't notice
She's in your head
And you just don't notice

Notice, notice, notice, notice
Notice, notice, notice, notice
Notice, notice, notice, notice
Notice
Then after he finished his chorus it was my turn again.


Let the sweat fall
Find me in the back stall
Let it snow down
Now we're gonna deck halls

I hit the bullseye
Making all the boys cry
I hit the main line
Breaking through the night sky

Like a bullet, meant to be shot
You're the target, dead on the spot
When I focus, I never miss
It starts with a kiss
Allan sang the chorus again, smiling at me because I felt the adrenaline running through my veins as the music began vibrating into my core. He seemed to understand how much I loved being so close to the loud thumping of the speakers.


She ricochets
And you don't notice
She's in your head
And you just don't notice

She ricochets
And you don't notice
She's in your head
And you just don't notice

Notice, notice, notice, notice
Notice, notice, notice, notice
Notice, notice, notice, notice
Notice, notice, notice, notice
Notice, notice, notice, notice
Notice

The song ended and the crowded erupted in feral cheers of excitement. I broke my graze from Allan and looked into the crowd half embarrassed, half astonished that they even enjoyed my singing. I wasn’t knock your socks off good, just a bit innocent sounding with a bit of raspy feel. My face felt hot from everything and breaths were ragged as if I had run several miles. At the thought of running, my knee tugged in pain, instinctively I brought my hand to my right knee that had been injured years ago.

“Isn’t she lovely?” Allan smiles to the crowd that cheered loudly in response.
“They love you shorty,” Ian states with a grinning giving me a pat on the back. I gave an awkward smile and short wave to the crowd.
“Give her round of applause, she never has done a show in her life,” Mike says proudly from behind his drum kit. It was a strange feeling of elation hearing the crowd respond so kindly. I felt overwhelmed by it all and leaned in towards Allan.

“I’ve got to get a drink or something,” I mutter.
“No problem girl, you did great for a first timer,” Allan answers.
“That’s what she said,” I reply unable to resist the joke, a smile spreading across my face.
“Nice,” he laughed. I chuckled lightly and began my descent from the stage only to be helped by a few people in the front. As I walked back towards the bar people patted me on the back and told me how good I was. I was very humble and critical of most things I did so this was a little too much for me all at once.

I finally reached the bar only to have Matt and the guys smile as me goofily. Zacky had a new beer ready for me and handed it to me knowing I must had been parched.

“You were great,” Zacky smiles as he guided me to the barstool.
“Thanks Zack,” I reply slightly embarrassed as I sat on the stool. My legs dangled because they were too short to reach the foot holder.
“How’d you get the name Kennedy?” he asks seemingly interested. It seemed Zacky wanted to get to me on a more personal level, his attempts made me nervous.
“I’m the bastard child of Robert Kennedy Jr.”
“No fucking way,” Zacky responds wide eyed.
“I’m kidding, I have no clue how I got the name, its floated around for years among friends and it might stem from no one know how to properly pronounce my middle name and the fact I had a crush on most Kennedys in history except Ted, he wasn’t my cup of tea, too gingerish,” I ramble as I took a drink of the beer.
“Ginger-ish?” Johnny laughs.
“It’s my classification for people who have gingery traits without retaining the ever so bright fiery red hair.”
“Nice,” Brian chuckled.
“What’s your middle name?” Matt inquires seeming genuinely curious.
“Kennedia,” I answer.
“What does that mean?” he continues.
“Not much it’s a type of flower in Australia, I come from a family of green thumbs, the only daughter is bond to get the flower name.”
“Isn’t Ambrose a flower?” Zacky asks.
“That one is for St. Ambrose, got to love having a Catholic family,” I reply lightheartedly.
“They are always fun,” Johnny laughs.

As the group chuckled I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket, taking it out I looked at the screen to see was calling. I felt my smile drop looking at the number that flashed on the screen but for some reason I answered without another second thought.

“Hello?”
“Hey,” the familiar deep voice responds in an almost remorseful manner.
“Can this talk wait until later?” I counter with a sigh.
“I won’t have the balls to talk about it later.”
“Its been five months can’t it wait another few hours, honestly I shouldn’t even make time to-”
“I got traded to the Dodgers when I heard you moved to LA,” he replies.
“But you were playing for the Cubs and that’s your dream team,” I choke out.
“I know that but what’s the point of being on my dream team when I don’t have my dream girl.”

My jaw clenched in anger and I didn’t speak for a while. I was sick of his empty promises

“Ro?! Ro?! Are you there?” he exclaims.
“I’m sorry I’m just overwhelmed with bullshit, I can almost smell it from here,” I respond coldly.
“Ro, I’m being serious, I fucking traded teams so we can be together and you respond with fucking sarcasm!”

He was angry and loud enough for anyone near me to hear.

“Not my problem, now good bye and do me a favor and quit calling just at the moment when I’m actually enjoying myself.”
“Ro,” Zacky says trying to calm my shaking frame with a hand on the shoulder.
“Who the fuck is that?!”

I ignored his last demand and hung up the phone half tempted to throw it across the room.

“Fucking arrogant prick of a baseball player,” I mutter angrily before I downed what was left of the beer. I turned to the bartender ordering three shots of tequila.

“Hey I thought you were finding Mike a girl for tonight.” Ian comments from behind, “Whoa you’re not going to drink all---yep you are, fuck Ro what’s with the fuck all tequila shots?”

Everyone stared looking at the all empty shots whilst I got up from the bar to find a girl for Mike. I saw the single lady standing alone and I knew her type, a head filled with false hope of the artists noticing her alone then fall madly in love with her looking into her eyes. What a fucking idiot, an idiot I shall capitalize on.

“Hello my friend is the drummer and he thinks you’re really beautiful but he’s too shy to tell you, perhaps you can go fuck his brains out, his girlfriend cheated on him and he is very vulnerable,” I say honestly without batting an eye.
“Aw how awful I’ll go take care of him but only if you let me kiss you,” she responds looking at me licking her lips.
“Sure why not, go for it,” I counter with a shrug. The blonde woman pulled me in abruptly then pressed her lips against mine. One of her hands rested on my waist and the other cupped my cheek as her lips worked against mine. Finally after about ten or fifteen seconds she pulled away with a smile.
“You taste like tequila and bubblegum.”
“Lovely, go have fun with my drummer friend,” I reply with a lazy smile then headed back over to Ian and the others that looked floored at what just happened.

“Hmm, I was certain I wasn’t chewing gum earlier,” I comment as I took the piece of minty gum out of my mouth and placed it on a nearby napkin.
“I thought you were straight,” Zacky questions.
“Apparently I taste like tequila and bubblegum,” I laugh.

“I can’t believe that you told her to fuck Mike’s brains out, and she made a trade for a kiss,” Ian states.
“It’s the least I can do for the kid,” I say with yawn.
“Its crazy how much you are on your game even with some facial injuries.”
“Psh bitches love war wounds; they probably think I got into a lesbian fight with a bunch of big butch women wearing flannels and croc shoes.”

“Fuck I’ve missed your ridiculous euphemisms,” Allan laughs appearing next to us with a beer in hand, “So who’s the chick that’s chatting up Mike?”
“I don’t know, fuck, I should have checked her I.D.” I answer cursing as I looked at the girl again.
“She looks old enough,” Ian comments looking at the pair talking across the room.
“Hmm, you know what fuck it, get me another beer.”

“You’re general short lived concern is slightly off,” he replies with a raised eyebrow.
“Eh,” I shrug.
“Hey we have to do another show but it’s for a Halloween party,” Allan says as he watched me pick at the label of the bottle of beer I was drinking, “You are depriving yourself again aren’t you?”
“No,” I retort stubbornly.
“I’ve found a good Salsa club if you’re interested,” Allan continues.
“Oh yes! You can finally teach us your Mexican ways of dance!” Daniel says excitedly.
“Ugh,” I grunt in response.
“You can probably find someone for outsourcing there,” Allan suggests with a smirk.
“Outsourcing?” Zacky responds with a raised eyebrow.
“Its my label when people choose to have sex with foreigners,” I state.
“Outsourcing is good for one night stands, you should try it sometime Ro,” Allan winks.
“I’m not even go into one night stands with you, because well you are ruthless and don’t give a fuck.”
“Touché,” he laughs, “But seriously we should all go out dancing. I feel like dancing.”
“You feel like foreign ass and you need my help to translate and teach you how to bag a Hispanic girl,” I counter.
“Must you be so crass?”
“It’s in my nature.”
“We should go,” he pouted.
“Another night when I’m not so strung out,” I reply.
“Fine let me put my number in your phone since it’s a different one.”

I shrugged and handed the phone over to him. Allan took the phone then looked up at me.

“Well that explains your irritation, are you still dating the guido,” Allan asks.
“Don’t call him a guido, it makes people think I’m dating a ridiculously tanned tool like the Situation or something.”
“So you are dating Anthony again?”
“No, haven’t been for a while,” I answer as I took another swig of the beer.
“How long?”
“What is this fucking twenty questions? Shit son, it’s been like half a year,” I reply giving him a half smile.
“You don’t tell people shit Ro, its fucked up, you tell your friends that you broke up with your boyfriend so that this crazy fool can take you out drinking and trolling for one nighters. Are you at least going to tell us about what happened to your face?” Allan rants.

“I got into a little fight, nothing too bad,” I counter with a reassuring smile.
“Who the fuck would fight you? You’re our little Ro, everyone loves you,” Daniel says in his angry British voice.
“Yeah who’s the bitch you fought? We’ll tell everyone she has herpes or some shit,” Ian adds.
“She fought off about five guys in an alleyway, she’s actually a pretty good fighter, a real scrapper, we showed up and scared them away,” Brian says looking at me with a sense of respect.
“Ro! What the fuck were you doing fighting a bunch of guys? You could have been killed,” Allan responds giving me a look of worry.
“Then it would be no more Ro’s baking,” Ian counters putting his hand over his heart for dramatic effect. I could always count on Ian to make the situation lighter with his flare for dramatics and sarcasm, something I truly appreciated. I let out a chuckle, smiling at him appreciatively.

“No worries, I’m not a bitch to be reckoned with especially when the world needs my baking, nope no one is going to get this bitch down,” I say with a wicked smile.
“We love ya but you are fucking crazy, crazy but awesome,” Ian laughs.
“Crazy is what I do best.”

My friends chuckled and gave me pats on the shoulder and I tried my best to not wince at their touch, for I was bruised and sore all over the place. Eventually Mike left with the girl I set him up with and we all continued to drink, as we chatted merrily. It came time for us to leave and we all headed out the bar, some swaying more than others. I got ready to call a cab but Matt stopped me.

“I’ll take you home, only had two beers,” he states with a dimply smile. God his smile was killer.
“Are you sure? You don’t have to its probably out of your way,” I reply.
“Hey Matty boy can you give me a ride home too?” Zacky questions. I shivered slightly at a cold wind that crept up on me and Zacky put his arm around me.
“I’ll keep ya warm,” he smiles down at me.
“Thanks, Emo boy,” I counter snuggling into his shoulder to get warm. He smelt good.
“I’m not Emo.”
“Emo enough, its fine, it works for you,” I mutter. Zacky let out a chuckle and I felt the vibrations of his chest as he did so. I always found the sound relaxing. At this point of the night I was wiped from all the running around and events in the past couple days.

Zacky and I got into Matt’s car and I ended up sitting in the front whilst Zacky sat in the back. Before I knew it Zacky was fast asleep only a few blocks away from the bar. Matt and I chuckled at his snoring.

“I think he’s out for the night,” I state with a mild yawn.
“I think so too,” Matt chuckles looking into the rearview mirror at Zacky’s peaceful sleeping face. Matt pulled up to what I assumed was Zacky’s condo and I helped him get Zacky back to his house then into bed. I took off his shoes carefully and set them against the wall then put a blanket over his body.
“Night Zacky,” I say as I shut off the lights and went back to the car with Matt. Then we began driving towards my place.

“Thanks for tonight by the way, I did need to go out.”
“No problem, I enjoyed your company, well everyone did,” he replies sincerely briefly taking his eyes from the road to shoot me a smile.
“I enjoyed your guys’ company as well,” I smile.

The car went quiet as Matt pulled into the back parking lot of my apartment. He turned off the car and got out surprising me a little but I managed to snap out of it and got out of the car with my things. Matt walked me to my door like a gentleman would.

“You didn’t have to walk me to the door but thank you,” I say as I turned the key and unlocked my door then opened it.
“It was no problem, didn’t want to risk you getting jumped again,” Matt replies honestly.
“Well thanks for reminding me about something I should watch out for,” I respond with a laugh. I looked at him for a long time and I noticed his facial features read as him wanting someone to talk to so I decided to take a leap of faith.

“Do you want to come in and talk? I can make coffee.”
“What makes you think I want to talk?” he counters.
“You’ve got that look like you haven’t vented in a long time, I could be wrong though, sometimes I’m not as good at reading people,” I answer honestly.
“Nah you’re tired.”
“Are you sure because I probably won’t go to bed for another four hours,” I say. It was true, it took a while to get to sleep for me and I would be up listening to music. Matt looked at me searching for any hint of a lie and finally nodded.

“I guess since neither of us are going to be going to bed anytime soon,” he mutters awkwardly as he rubbed the back of his neck.
“Alright come on in,” I chuckle letting him into my modest living space.

I shut the door behind us and for some reason I felt like this guy hadn’t been able to get things out for a long time. Hopefully he’d be able to relax afterwards and hopefully his eyes wouldn’t show the sadness I saw in them once he got it all out. Because the night I stopped him from driving nearly broke my heart. I never seen such emotion in anyone’s eyes and I hoped to God I’d be able to be the person to help because it was obvious he felt ashamed to tell anyone else.